Just Friends

"I'm really struggling w/ the difference between being open hearted and having walls up. It seems if I have my walls up, I push people away and they lose interest. It seems when my heart is open, I scare people away. I just don't know how to strike that balance."

From what you've explained, you didn't scare him away at all. He simply saw another woman who he decided he was more attracted to, for whatever reasons he has, and he decided to pursue that instead. It sounds a bit low-class to me in the sense that I feel like from what you've written, you two actually spent quite a bit of time together in the time you've known him. If I also remember correctly, the guy was REALLY into you at the start of it all, so to suddenly decide you should just be friends (because another woman has caught his eye) is a cop out. It's not like you were both just casually progressing to see where it all might lead. It seems like he was aggressively building this relationship along with you and is suddenly taking a nosedive out of it because of a better opportunity (in his mind). Again, I may be off-base about the history of your relationship with him, but that's the gist of what I remember from your previous posts. His line about asking you whether you would mind seeing him with someone else gives me the feeling that he wants to bring this other person to one his parties or whatever pretty soon. Finally, that line about "There aren't enough guys as awesome as me" was a complete cheeseball, tactless, stupid thing to say. I know he was saying it in jest (although perhaps not completely in his mind), but it still speaks to a certain arrogance. One thing is for certain - he has given a lot of evidence for you to question his integrity, and when you're a single mom looking for a potential long-term partner, I would think that integrity would be at the top of the list for what you need. There's a good chance he's not nearly as awesome as you thought (or as he apparently still thinks).

Oh, please don't put up walls! If you do that, nobody will get a chance to see your beautiful spirit! Anybody who would run away from that is someone who doesn't deserve a place in your life anyway.

I think BW was really smitten with you, but I think he might be the kind of guy who falls quick and hard, then the fizz dies for him just as quickly. It's really a lot like love as experienced by many of my high school students--just not a very mature definition of love.

I am so, so sorry he let you down. It's to his credit that he recognized what a gorgeous person you are, even if he isn't mature enough to realize you don't walk away when you've struck gold.

Big hugs!

Oh Sweetie! Theres all sorts of bad luck around here this week! Im so sorry. You guys seemed to hit it off so well - but you know, he may end up being an awesome freind, so not all is lost. & I think youre right, I bet you could talk openly with him & he could maybe give you some insight on the things you are questioning.

Im sad for you - i know that to finally GET to that point where you want a long term thing & to think you may have found it, to then be denied it, well, it sucks.

But I know you will mourn a bit, then pick yourself up, dust off & be back out there! (((hugs)))