Just Friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Just Friends
17
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 5:15pm

I just had lunch w/ BW.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: michleutz
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 6:14pm

{{{{Michleutz}}}} I am really upset for you. Like you, I am stunned at the news. I did NOT see this one coming, especially with the emails we have sent off line. I am very sorry.


I understand completely what you mean about the self-defense walls but also giving a bit emotionally (at a time!) so as to let the guy know we are "catchable". The balance that needs to be there is crucial, and sadly, there's no operations manual for it.


I'm glad you know yourself well enough to know that you want a stable relationship in your life now. With my plate as full as

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
In reply to: michleutz
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 7:20pm

busymom, i can totally remember when i felt that way too. probably over two years ago. i did not want the hassle of a relationship etc. fwb's were it for me at the time.


as for what michleutz said about the balance. my opinion is that you are not doing anything "wrong". YOU are not scary people away or pushing them away. It is just part of dating before you find the right one. When it isn't right, things don't work out. period. And when it is right, you could do all the wrong things, and it will still work out. Sometimes it really is just timing.


Every exerience helps us to grow, tho. And brings us closer to the one who will change everything. Chin up. Take some time to reflect of what it is you want! That person will walk into your life when you least expect it. i promise. And until then, i hope you enjoy all the mr wrongs who come into your life as well.


sorry for your disappointment. {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}


Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
In reply to: michleutz
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 7:23pm

You know, I'm starting to think he's a serial dater too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: michleutz
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 10:20pm
Oh that is def. too bad. I agree w/ loony that it's nothing you can plan for as far as how open to be--w/ the right guy you will just be yourself & that will be fine. I think I'd prefer being open and getting hurt sometimes rather than keeping the walls up. Are you going to be ok w/ being friends & seeing him w/ other girls--and you are probably right, there will be one, then another one, then another one. I do bet that probably by the 3rd new GF of his, then you will know he's the one that has the problem. A rodeo? Now that's something different. Yes, it's nice that you have a lot of friends & you won't be sitting home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2008
In reply to: michleutz
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 10:44pm

"I'm really struggling w/ the difference between being open hearted and having walls up. It seems if I have my walls up, I push people away and they lose interest. It seems when my heart is open, I scare people away. I just don't know how to strike that balance."

From what you've explained, you didn't scare him away at all. He simply saw another woman who he decided he was more attracted to, for whatever reasons he has, and he decided to pursue that instead. It sounds a bit low-class to me in the sense that I feel like from what you've written, you two actually spent quite a bit of time together in the time you've known him. If I also remember correctly, the guy was REALLY into you at the start of it all, so to suddenly decide you should just be friends (because another woman has caught his eye) is a cop out. It's not like you were both just casually progressing to see where it all might lead. It seems like he was aggressively building this relationship along with you and is suddenly taking a nosedive out of it because of a better opportunity (in his mind). Again, I may be off-base about the history of your relationship with him, but that's the gist of what I remember from your previous posts. His line about asking you whether you would mind seeing him with someone else gives me the feeling that he wants to bring this other person to one his parties or whatever pretty soon. Finally, that line about "There aren't enough guys as awesome as me" was a complete cheeseball, tactless, stupid thing to say. I know he was saying it in jest (although perhaps not completely in his mind), but it still speaks to a certain arrogance. One thing is for certain - he has given a lot of evidence for you to question his integrity, and when you're a single mom looking for a potential long-term partner, I would think that integrity would be at the top of the list for what you need. There's a good chance he's not nearly as awesome as you thought (or as he apparently still thinks).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: michleutz
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 10:47pm
Im so sorry to hear this. It sounded like you were really taken with one another so I am surprised too. It was still early but I felt you were in the middle of turning that corner and having something special - if anything, take comfort in that you are able to feel those things and ready because I think that is HUGE in finding someone if that is what you want...
And I agree that you will see his true colors in serial dating eventually if you stay in the group. Might not have been your cup of tea after all so maybe he is making the best choice for both of you?
And I am super glad you have great friends to keep you loved and busy - that is awesome!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2008
In reply to: michleutz
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 11:41pm

Oh, please don't put up walls! If you do that, nobody will get a chance to see your beautiful spirit! Anybody who would run away from that is someone who doesn't deserve a place in your life anyway.

I think BW was really smitten with you, but I think he might be the kind of guy who falls quick and hard, then the fizz dies for him just as quickly. It's really a lot like love as experienced by many of my high school students--just not a very mature definition of love.

I am so, so sorry he let you down. It's to his credit that he recognized what a gorgeous person you are, even if he isn't mature enough to realize you don't walk away when you've struck gold.

Big hugs!

Julie
Julie
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
In reply to: michleutz
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 12:03am

Wow this certainly seemed to come out of left field, I am disappointed for you.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
In reply to: michleutz
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 5:19pm

Oh Sweetie! Theres all sorts of bad luck around here this week! Im so sorry. You guys seemed to hit it off so well - but you know, he may end up being an awesome freind, so not all is lost. & I think youre right, I bet you could talk openly with him & he could maybe give you some insight on the things you are questioning.


Im sad for you - i know that to finally GET to that point where you want a long term thing & to think you may have found it, to then be denied it, well, it sucks.


But I know you will mourn a bit, then pick yourself up, dust off & be back out there! (((hugs)))

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R~ Mom to Averey


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In Memory of The Boys. Kibo & Sana .... Swim Free Boys, in Heaven's Vast Ocean.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
In reply to: michleutz
Sat, 06-19-2010 - 5:21pm
I agree. That comment by his friends at the movie? BIG old red flag!

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R~ Mom to Averey


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In Memory of The Boys. Kibo & Sana .... Swim Free Boys, in Heaven's Vast Ocean.

Photobucket

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