Just need your opinion:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2006
Just need your opinion:)
3
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 1:01pm
I am a single mother of two. My daughter is 10 and son 4. I have been dating a guy since Novemeber. It has been wonderful! We have had 2 conversation about our relationship. Both times he has said he does not feel he is able to commit now but really likes me, I make him happy, Where have I been, yadda yadda all the really great stuff we want to hear except I want to be commited to you! He has however asked me to let him know if I would want to date someone else. That was a little confusing to me. For Christmas and b-day took me out and gave me nice presents and same with V-day! Ok, so a couple days ago he referred to me as his friend so I had to say something again. I had to end the gf/bf type things ie:sex, and just be friends! I told him I can not continue like this when you do not want to commit. He says he is scared of the "C" word. Now I have not brought my kids into this realtionship at all but they do knowof eachother and sometimes interact and it is good. He is a friend to them. So I am think ing and hoping it isnt because of them. After our conversation he was upset and to me it felt like a break up but really I am just taking out he sex aspect of our relationship. Am I right for doing this? I do like him a lot but I hate being confused. He has said he still wants to take me out to movies and such. Last night he came over and I stood my ground and it was good a little strange but good. We talked and just hung out as friends. It was very hard though! Am I right and what should I do now? Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 1:22pm
I think its time to move on. If he can't say you are his girlfriend and he is having sex with you then it seems like he isn't what you are looking for. We are all a bit scared of commitment but if we LOVE someone then its worth the risk. I also noticed you said you like him alot but never mentioned love so I would say cut your losses and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 1:24pm

Welcome.

I agree with what you write and applaud you for putting your needs first - because no one but you will do that.

I think if I was you I would take what he says seriously and for face value. That he doesn't want to commit to you. I would probably try to do more stuff without him - find new friends, other people to date. I would do like you and refuse sex - just be friends. But if it hurts you too much to see him as just a friend then don't see him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 3:58pm

If he wants to commit to you, without actually saying the words that's one thing.

What he wants is a friend he has sex with. The gifts don't mean anything- I buy my girlfriends (and some male friends) gifts for all major occassions and holidays. That isn't indicative of anything other than the fact that he isn's a cad.

You can be committed to someone and not ever really discuss it- you both know where you're at, and it doesn't necessarily mean an engagement or wedding is in the works- simply that you're both in agreement about your relationship.

You aren't both in agreement, so I applaud you for standing your ground. One more thing- don't forget to date others! He's not willing to be your boyfriend, that doesn't mena he can't be a great friend. But you still deserve to be in a relationship, if that's what you want. It simply won't be with him.

Men tell the truth about their relationship desires. If he says he doesn't want to commit, he doesn't want to. Don't expect that he'll change, since he most likely won't- and IF he does, it'll be on his own, without any more talks or prodding from you.

Moody, who just finished The Rules


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