just needed to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
just needed to vent
10
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 4:15pm

my sons father is having another baby why this bothers me is because he hasn't had anything to do with our almost four year old since he was born. but hear he goes again i found out from his grandmother whom i take my son to see. he hasn't been with the girl long and there getting married next month. so my son will have a brother or sister that he will never know. and what right does he have to have another one when he doesn't want the one he already has. and i'm not sure how i'm going to tell ds when he asks why his father isn't around. he is going to want to know why he doesn't want him but wants his other child. plus he lives in ok while i live in nh. his grandmother pretty much told me if i wanted to terminate his rights he wouldn't fight. i wish it was that easy. why couldn't he have just jumped off a bridge or something. my dad told me that he is probley going to do the same thing to her that he did to me but i don't want that either i wouldn't wish for any child to go with out a father. but he probley will. quys shouldn't be alond to go around having children that they don't want. errrrrrrrrrrrr. very fustating.




Edited 5/5/2005 7:51 pm ET ET by dontknow2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 5:55pm

I do sympathize with you that this is all stinky stuff. I would feel very bad for ds if his father did not take his role in his life seriously and abandoned him in that manner.

I can also understand how watching him have another baby with another woman would make you want to feel bad.

But with all that said, you need to put these kaka thoughts out of your head. You need to be positive and strong for your son and not let him see what you are thinking for now. You have no control over what your ex does now. You only have control over your own life. It will be what you make of it.

I do hope that somehow you can forgive your ex and move on. It will bring you an inner peace and allow you to have a better life. Hopefully you will meet someone who deserves you and your son and who brings sunshine into your life.

No matter where you are now, it can always be worse. Try to be thankful for what you have. You have a nice son and you have total control over him. While it would be better that his dad would take an interest, at least he does not cause him harm. And there is always the chance he will play a role in the future.

I hope I don't sound too harsh - we all need to hear the right thing and I think this is good for you.

Good luck and keep us posted. Better days will be ahead for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 11:36pm
hey, i understand completely..the X basically abandoned his 5 kids for the 1 he had w his mistress. My 4 older kids know about his new kid but dont care..it's not considered to be a "brother".....just a kid the sperm donor had. They would much rather NOT have anything to do with the sperm donor anyways. my youngest (5 y/o) doesnt know about this kid..there's not need to tell her since she wont be seeing him..When she asks about her father i just tell her he lives elswhere in Tx. She accepts that.
So really, if your son's father is not in the picture why tell your son anything about this new baby? This way he wont question why father lives w new kid and not him. when he askes about his father tell the minimum : he lives elswhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 10:31am
After hearing your story I can sort of relate. My exh and I divorced because he didn't want family. He rarely sees our daughter and stopped paying child support. But four months after the divorce he shacks up with a woman who has twin 6 year old girls! I was shocked. But then I learned that she is an irresponsible mom, she doesn't even have her girls with her, they live with their grandmother in another country. So in the end, they are perfect for each other! Don't think the grass is greener over there, sometimes the glare can fool you! It is very rare for a once irresponsbile dad to become responsible. Your son does not need to know about his half brother, not unless it is deemed necessary. If the need arises, keep it neutral, like a grandma's place. Otherwise, gain the strength to just let it go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 11:32am
your right there is no need to tell him about the other kid. i just hope the fob family doesn't slip and tell him. i take him to see my x's grandmother sometimes and i talk to his mother though email sending pics and things they still want to be a part of my sons life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:16pm

Hugs....

Lori
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 2:28pm
i'm in conway, the white mountains area or mt washington valley. however you want to say it. where are you
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 2:43pm
We are in Salem, I love going to Conway...anywhere up north is good for us!
Lori
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 4:25pm

This is so fun that you guys are in NH - I just booked a mini summer vacation up there at Weirs Beach!! It looks like so much fun - roller coaster, train ride, board walk, beach, waterslide, drivein movies, lake and more. I am doing Timberman - the half ironman race in August and am bringing my ds and friends.

You live in a GORGEOUS area!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 4:30pm

Judy,


When in August?

Lori
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 7:20pm
August 18th to the 22nd. The boardwalk is so cool!!