just not me
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 10-03-2006 - 1:47pm |
Okay, this is a long one but the questions I have are at the bottom if you don't want to read my life story, LOL.
Hi all. I've never posted here but I've read some of the posts and it seems the ladies here have a great deal of knowledge to share. I'm in my mid 30's with two wonderful boys, ages 10 and 12. I've been single for almost two years now. Up to this point I have dated but nothing serious, and my kids were never privy to that part of my life. I just didn't want men coming and going in their lives until/if I found someone to get serious with. Well, it seems to have happend. The man in my life is wonderful. He and I worked together prior to my divorce and became friends over the course of the last 3 years. Here's the thing.....he recently came back from a long business trip and brought me a gift. It was very thoughtful and made me happy that he thought about me.....but the gift just isn't me. It was a necklace, braclet, and earings. First I haven't worn earings since I've known him, second it is not my style. This is actually the second time he brought me a gift from a trip. The first time it wasn't really me but it wasn't awful. So, do I tell him? I don't even know where or with what I would wear this jewelry with....please help! I'm not insensitive or ungratful, and I think I'm falling in love with this man. I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings but if I don't wear the necklace he will notice and wont that hurt his feelings too?

Hi, and welcome! I'm interested to see what the others say, but here's my take:
The gift was a lovely thought. My mother always told me it's the thought that counts.
So, what I would do is warmly thank him, and mean it. But don't gush over how much you love it. When the opportunity arises, show him what your style really is. Many men (even those who have been in a relationship for years) simply don't know how to shop for the women in their lives. That's ok- except then you're faced with the dilemma of having to pretend to be fond of something that "isn't you".
You can be subtle- while window shopping, admire vocally something you truly like. Wear jewelry that appeals to you, and see if he notices. But don't count on sublety working very well- men need to be hit over the head with a two-by-four sometimes, and this may very well be one of those times.
As far as hurting his feelings, you should be worried that you'll hurt his feelings only if you say "this is hideous! When have you even seen me wear anything like this?!" Not that you would, right? Of course not.
I think it'd hurt his feelings more to have you say in ten years that you never liked a single thing he gave you. Gifts are very nice, and it's wonderful that he's thinking of you while he's away. Express that emotion. Then gently tell him that the style doesn't suit you, or you could go the other way and tell him you'll save it for special occassions. If telling him is hard, you could say that while you appreciate the gifts, you'd really rather not accept any more. I'm not sure I'd go that route, though.
Learning what the other person likes is a part of being in a relationship, but he can't learn unless you tell him. Wouldn't you want to know if you bought him a gift and he hated it? I would maybe feel badly at first that he didn't like my gift, but if he expressed his gratitude, and mentioned something he'd like better, I'd know for next time. It's all a part of the process, I think.
Let us know what you decide to do!
Moody- who is now reminded that Christmas is sooo close!
Powered by CGISpy.com
I agree with Moody that it is the thought that counts.
You should thank him - and then put the items away. Maybe there is one piece you can wear at least once.
And then as Moody says, go forward - show him what you like.
Not all men are good at picking stuff out. If and when you get serious then you can ask for what you want before he goes.
Be glad that he thought of you while away - that is really wonderful and special!