Just so frustrated with friendships...

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Just so frustrated with friendships...
24
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 11:28am

Gah!!!!


Seems like every friend I have is just either very far away, very busy or much older than me (I need some PEERS for crying out loud!) OR...they are on the mommy track. They can't talk about anything else.


I am stumped. Even my sister, who was formerly my best friend, is now just so obsessed with her kids that she can't carry a conversation about anything else. We talked about this this morning. She does...NOTHING...except stay home. (she only has two kids. One in school full time, one that's 2. Not like it's a houseful. Ty never slowed me down. I took him with, if nothing else) Nothing at all really. Unless it revolves around her children. Taking them to the park, library, birthday parties, etc. I knew that about her, and it's been a little irritating. But I didn't realize it showed until this morning when we were discussing the fact that she might join me in Indianapolis this weekend for a day (it'll be 4 hours from her house) and w/out the kids and just have FUN. SHe sounded excited about it.....and now she's got all kinds of excuses for not wanting to go. (The neighbor kid's birthday party. She doesn't want to spend the gas money, she doesn't want to drive alone, doesn't want to leave the kids.....) and I just feel like crap. I feel SOOO unimportant to her. And that's when she finally said "I feel bad because I know you've been frustrated with me lately" and it occured to me "YES! I AM frustrated. Frustrated because you used to be fun, vibrant, enjoy life, have interests. You used to want to be a writer, you were creative. You liked to travel...Now? Who in the hell are you?" She doesn't know. But she SAYS she's happy. She doesn't feel like doing anything. Doesn't really want to talk to anyone. But that's ok with her. (Can you SAY "clinical depression"????)


I am irritated beyond all belief. My last good time fun girlfriend here just had an infant. She can talk about nothing else. And I can't blame her. And she's breastfeeding. Attached w/in a few feet all the time. I TOTALLY understand. But I am feeling pouty about this because I just don't have ANYONE HERE anymore that I can hang out with, talk to and have fun except J. And while we are mutually one another's best friends, I need a girlfriend!


Anyone else go through a phase like this? What is with women that get so absorbed in their families that they lose themselves and become boring shadows of who they used to be????

Becky

Becky

 

 

Pages

Avatar for mandymi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 2:40am







re:



http://somedaysijustworkhere.blogspot.com/">

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 10:27am
I love having my own interests. Being a mother has opened my eyes to a whole new world of responsibility, but I take that in stride. It's my son and I will do whatever I can to raise him right. I adore my husband. Shane is a great provider, he loves me he loves Dylan and we're a good family. But there is so much more. I enjoy going to the gym and I plan to take golfing lessons when it isn't so danged hot out there. I may go in the mornings if I start sooner. I think it will be good for me. Shane never really has the time to teach me and he kinda prefers to go with the guys. It's his thing outside of us that he does. I don't want to interfere unless I'm invited. I think it would be fun to get some lessons and then ask his cousin's wife, Lisa to go with me to play a round sometime after I feel more comfortable. And until my belly gets too big to swing, I can play safely.

Most of my stuff happens during the day when D is at school and Shane is at work. I have the day to go do what I need to. I try to be home with them at night unless I have something else to do. Normally, it works out that I just hang out with them, but I enjoy that. Being alone all day or with a girlfriend gets me geared up for family time at night. But at least I have "me" time. Which is so important to any wife or mother.

Mel

<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wtCMCc4/">
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 12:10pm
I've had the same problem with some of my gfs when they got married and started having kids. One resented me because she said that with all my "free time", I could have babysat for her, but never offered to. So she decided to compromise our friendship, based on that. I'm an adult and haven't done babysitting since I was a teenager. The only kids I will ever "sit" for will probably be my own. I just felt that once she had a baby, she felt the whole world revolved around her. And when I didn't agree with that, she just started lashing out at me. We aren't friends anymore, btw.
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 12:18pm

WOW! So what I am getting from this is that it's a universal problem and I am not the only frustrated person. LOL At least I am in good comapany. Misery loves it, after all!


Tara, I have thought about joining some kind of club. I am stumped on just what for now, but I'll keep my ears open. There's a book club that meets at Barnes and Noble on the 2nd wed of the month, which happens to be a week from tomorrow, the day after I get home from vacation. SO...I put that on my calendar and I think I'll show up. I figure the worst that will happen is I won't love it, and I'll be in one of my favorite bookstores with a steaming cup of my favorite coffee. How can that not be a good thing? :)

Becky

Becky

 

 

Pages