Just thinking out loud....
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| Thu, 08-09-2007 - 11:30am |
I'm just writing this to get things off my chest and out from the back of my mind. If you all would like to comment about something I don't see happening or give advice then you are more than welcome. If you just want to read and go to the next post then that will be fine too. :)
Things with E have been going well. We have done a day trip and, yes, things have gotten intimate. The kids have seen each other but not that often. My son knows him as my friend and that is all. We are going camping in a couple of weeks for a few days and I invited E and his girls to come with us. They are supposed to come but I'm starting to get uneasy because of something that happened last night. A different side of E.
Yesterday E took his 2 girls to a safari park during the day and his oldest daughter, not having a bathroom close by, wet her pants because she could not hold it and she would not go in the bushes that they were near (no one was around). Then last night we went to this kids museum that is in the area and went to Chic-fil-a to get a bite to eat. Well, his daughters had to go to the bathroom and his oldest one ended up peeing in her pants again. She told E that there were 2 stalls...one was occupied and the other had her sister in it. He got very angry at her. He wasn't yelling but he was trying to use the "embarassment" tactic with her in front of me, I guess to try and make her not do it again. He was asking her why she had 2 accidents in one day when she has never had one before. He also used some cuss words like the D word and H word. I got to see his temper last night that is for sure.
A friend of his was supposed to go by his dad's house to pick up something for him and the friend called after all of this to tell him he was lost and didn't know what street his dad lived on. Well E got mad at that and said that he needs to just keep being on his own and doing things himself to get it right.
Okay, I have problems with this...red flags definitely. For one thing, I don't cuss around my child or other children and my family tries not to even though they slip sometimes. It happens. I am NOT going to talk to my child and cuss at him or even USE a cuss word in the sentence that is directed towards him. I think it doesn't set a good example and that just makes it even more certain that your child will repeat the bad word. Now, I'm not a saint when it comes to cussing, I just don't use it around my son or anybody else's children.
His temper...did not know he had one. People have tempers yes but I don't think that he should have degraded his daughter for having an accident in her pants. He told me later that he was thinking that maybe she did it on purpose to get attention from her dad...thinking that he was paying too much attention to me. Don't know where he got that from because we don't hang all over each other nor do we even hold hands or anything. He said he ruled that out though. I asked him if he would consider calling their mom to see if they had done anything like that while staying with her. He said he didn't want to do that because she would say they don't do that at her house and then open up a can of worms. What made him so mad was that his daughter just clammed up and wouldn't tell him why she had 2 accidents in one day. He said that she usually clams up and I told him that she seemed to be a soft spoken child and maybe she doesn't know what to say.
I just don't know what to think now. Things were going so well and now all of a sudden this happens. I guess I am just more gentle in nature. I don't like confrontation unless the occasion calls for it and it has in the past. I am not going to try and embarass my son around other people for doing something that was an accident that he would truly be embarassed about already.
I DO NOT want someone with an anger streak because my ex had one and still does. I don't want E to cuss around my son or cuss TO him, which has not happened yet and better NOT ever happen.
I'm just trying to get this off my chest to mull over it and if y'all have any thoughts on this, please feel free to let them fly! :) I don't want to over analyze or jump to conclusions about these things too soon. Maybe when we go camping I will be able to see how he truly interacts with his girls and make more of a decision based on that.
There are some other little things that bother me but they are minor, not like this. For one, he is still smoking, not as much as he was but still smoking none the less. I don't want you all to get a bad impression of E because he really and truly loves his girls and would do anything for them. I guess we just have different parenting styles.
Thanks for letting me vent a little this morning.
Jennifer

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How old are his children?
And I am sorry if I forgot, but how long have you been dating?
I can't really give any advice, but I would sit down and talk to him about the parenting style and the temper. This bothers you and maybe he just had a really off day or two. But again, I don't know how long you've been seeing him or how much time you spend together.
That might give a better indication, but aside from that I really think you need to sit and talk to him about the parenting styles before the camping trip. Set guidelines and expectations. At least that is what I have done in the past and it's worked out very well.
As for the cussing: I have said the H and D word in a sentence when my oldest has done something that has really made me fly off the handle. Very rare, but it's been said. I don't use serious bad words though.
I think it might have been a jealousy thing. Maybe not because you guys were snuggling or whatever, but maybe because you were just their. Used to happen to M and me all the time with his girls. The reason we broke up. BUT! It could also be a health problem, like a urinary tract infection. Poor baby...
Well, I think it would be helpful to know how old his girls are (if she was 3 and had an accident that is very different than if she is 6). Everyone loses their temper from time to time. This may just be his button and since you aren't around them all the time there is no way to know all the dynamics of the situation. If the language is a big issue for you, you may want to walk away from it now.
How long have you all been dating? Exclusive?
Just some questions.
Priscilla
Sometimes things happen that just make us parents snap.
Whoops! I forgot about the ages....they are 6 and 4. I didn't even think about a UTI. Hmmmm....I may bring that up to him.
We knew each other from high school and started talking the beginning of June. We do things mainly without the kids except for playing puttputt after July 4th and then this trip to the children's museum.
I agree that I need to just hang around and see the interaction when we all go camping those couple of days. If I see it happen again then I will talk to him.
Thanks! :)
Jennifer
Cat asked the same thing. :) His girls are 6 and 4. We ARE exclusively dating, just doing so around the middle of July. We knew each other from high school and have been talking since the beginning of June. As I wrote in my response to Catherine, we haven't done a lot with the kids and Logan just knows E as my friend.
Jennifer
I just think it put him into a tremendous stressful situation. I mean, no change of clothes, no nothing. I would have been upset myself. I think he might have wanted everything to work out the way he planned it and here goes one mishap after another. It's an embarrassing situation.
I am pretty sure that from now on he's going to force them to all go to the bathroom before it happens.
OH yes - a camping trip for all for a few days? That will tell you for sure. I think one of the best ways to figure if you are compatible with someone is to go on vacation with them. Keep us posted!!
Maybe you can help plead the 6 year old's case? I bet she is the type to have good concentration and get engrossed in something and then not go until it is almost too late. Maybe that is something like a little genius? LOL!!
Have fun on your camping trip - I love camping! That is fun that you will go?
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