Kick off your shoes, start losin' the

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Kick off your shoes, start losin' the
7
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 10:57pm

blues, this old house ain't got nothin' to lose, seen it all for years, start spreadin' the news, we got room on the floor, come on baby shake somethin' loose, well if the house is a rockin', don't bother knockin', if the house is a rockin', don't bother knockin', well if the house is a rockin', don't bother, come on in.....

BUSTED! HAHA...

Spec came over last night, as planned. He actually arrived in the early evening- around 6:30. Droid was spending the night with my parents, so it was just me and the princess here.

I met him outside, since I live in an apartment and wanted to make sure he found the right one. And I wanted to kiss him without little eyes watching.

Spec was very good about making conversation with Princess, and she warmed up to him more quickly than normal. Good thing and bad, I guess. I am glad she liked him... BUT I don't want her to like him too much. It didn't take long for her to have him playing Barbies, she asked him questions about his job, his truck... he asked her questions about Barbie.

We all watched a movie together, which was very nice. The princess played a game on the computer, which entertained her while Spec and I snuck a quick kiss...did I mention he can KISS?! Then she went to bed, with about as much fuss as normal, which means she was comfortable around him.

Soooo, after she was officially down for the count, I lost my five year old chaperone, and my resolve to keep things clean. Spec was not at all pushy, although he was definitely up for kissing... and petting... and more, if I was.

Turns out, I was. A few times. And again a couple of times this morning. Too bad I don't have a bigger shower....HAHAHA, I'm feeling a little shameless now, but not shameful. I'll spare you all the wonderful details, but suffice it to say that he's not a slouch in the sack.

He stayed the night, which could have been EXTREMELY awkward this morning when the princess woke up, but somehow, it wasn't. He went out to start his truck, offered to start my car, scraped the snow off, and helped her put her snowpants on while I finished getting ready for work.

Over the course of the evening, we talked some more about past relationships, what we truly wanted out of a relationship, why we thought none of the others had stuck, religion, families, lots of talking.

He told me he wasn't interested in seeing anyone else. That simply. At that point, I didn't say anything in response, since I didn't know what I wanted. Then, after things got a whole lot more physical but before they were biblical, I said something to the effect of not having sex with anyone who was having sex with other people. His reply was that he wasn't having sex with other people, he didn't even want to see anyone else. He said he felt that you couldn't really get to know someone if you're also trying to get to know two or three or seven other people.

One point earlier in the evening (after the princess was whining about something) he had said that he really liked what he knew of me, and wanted to date me. I said, "well, what does that mean to you?"- my thinking being that he was bringing it up, and clarification could only be a good thing. His reply was "I want to do things with you, and meet your friends, and have you meet the rest of mine, and my family. I want to call you just to say hi, see you regularly." He then went on to say he didn't know if calling me his girlfriend was appropriate, since even though we've been communicating via the wonderousness of electronic and telephonic transmission for a couple of weeks, we didn't know each other. But give him a week or two. His words, I swear.

We discussed how very, very quickly things had moved. I tried to keep it light, since there's only so much heavy conversation you should have when your thoughts are preoccupied with amazing lips, but we are in agreement that we'd both very much like to see where things go.

He works second shift, and I work a convoluted first shift, so obviously actually seeing each other will be a weekend thing. I won't give up every weekend, or every day of any weekend to see him, and I know he's got things going on too, which means that we'll be forced to take it slowly... which sounds kind of nuts given the events that have already transpired. I guess what it means is that it's a good thing our schedules are sort of opposite, since we won't be tempted to start spending every day together.

So, he left when I did this morning, and after I'd been at work for a while, he IM'ed me "Sooo, how was your weekend?" I could only smile at that. I was on my way to lunch, though, so I kept the IM conversation short and sweet.

When I returned from lunch, he IM'ed me again, we chatted just for a minute, since by then he was on his way out to go to work. He finished the conversation (which was really just general chatting about our day, the week ahead and our plans for it- work for both of us...)with the little smiley things that blow kisses, which was cute and funny and made me smile.

So, I know I don't really know him yet. I know these things take time (see, Judy, I'm learning!!) and I know that his actions (and mine, for that matter) will always speak louder than words. But he's definitely saying the right words, and from what I can tell so far, his actions back them up.

I'm happy, not just because I had a rockin' weekend, but because I am not trying to overthink this- I simply don't feel the need. It's fun, we have fun, he's a good guy, and so far he seems genuine. If I'm posting in a week that I haven't heard from him, I will not pass GO, collect $200, or go straight to jail. I will, however, probably feel the immediate need to buy 30 cats.

So far, the plan is for him to come out with a group of my friends Saturday night for my birthday bash. I've already made plans to go skiing with one friend earlier in the day and to have a "spa day" with another one in the afternoon as well as shopping a little later with another friend, all of whom are coming with their spouses or SO's later Saturday night. This means that I can't be tempted to scrap all of my plans to spend time Saturday during the day with Spec. It also means I'll have plenty of people with us Saturday night to keep me well-behaved, and since it's my birthday, they'll all be people who are there to celebrate the wonderfulness that is me.

I am really liking a lot of things right now. I'm not seeing anything that is a red flag, not even an orange flag so far. The only yellow flag I see is the potential children issue. He asked me if I would have more, I said no. He said "never?" I said, "Well, I haven't surgically removed the possibility, but I can't see myself ever wanting more children." He went on to say he would like to have one, but the most important thing was finding someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and that a child would be an extension of that love, but not necessary. While I know it's a big deal, I also see now how people could fall in love with someone and change their minds. Not that I have, I'm still not thinking of booties and blankies, but I see how it's possible.

Other than that, it definitely seems like green lights for blocks ahead. I'm not pinning any huge, major hopes on him, but I'm also open to the possibility that something wonderful could very well develop. If it doesn't, it doesn't. If it does, I'm willing to let it, and definitely willing to enjoy it.

Moody, squishy and sparkling


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:49am

I raise my glass of cheap chardonnay in a toast to things being as good as they are sure looking for you and Spec. I'm smiling ear to ear for you. This sounds so much like how things started with M and myself and here we are, 7 months later and things are still moving along. And I seriously took my time with the falling in love part. Yes, one can have fantastic sex and not be in love.

I for one, will not be the least bit surprised that you will change your mind about more kids if the right guy comes into your life. Seen it happen way too many times. But now you don't have pressure to get married ASAP because you're dying to start a family, you already are happy with the one you have. So keep that cool attitude, enjoy having a guy who makes it very clear he is totally into you.

Those 30 cats have to find other homes.

and if he flakes out now that he's been in your bed I will personally hunt him down and out him for the cad he would be

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 8:53am
awwww....Moody - I LOVE seeing you squishy and sparkling!!!!! {{{HUGS}}} it sounds like it is going GREAT!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 10:58am

Yeah Moody! I like the things he said to you about exclusivity - he seems sincere from what you write and not a player - just a guy who doesn't like to date around - his family and wanting you to meet them put me more at ease and also the fact that you wrote to each other for a couple of weeks to explore compatibility. And I like how he scraped the ice off your car.

Your posts are always so much fun to read. And you really do get the prize for persevering with dating and not being bitter after all you have been through. May this be another prize that STAYS!

So, big hugs, and keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:20pm

Not to rain on your parade.... Everything sounds wonderful and I'm glad you had a really great time. I would just put out the caution of moving too fast.. (ie the "girlfriend" talk) when you've only gone on a couple dates. On the one hand, it is wonderful to meet a guy who doesn't date/sleep around... on the other hand, you still need to take it slow and get to know each other before commiting too seriously. What is his track record, for example. Do you know who he's left in his wake, if any? Is he on the rebound? Criminal History? What's his credit report? blah blah.... Like I said, I'm glad you had a great time and that the two of you hit it off... but it still is good to keep a guard on your heart until you've learned and seen more of who he is... his character...instead of just the words. Sometimes (and I'm not saying this is the case but sometimes) a person comes on strong because he's hiding something or he has a tendency toward control. Although meeting his family and seeing how close they all are is a great Green Light. I'd say have a couple "reference" conversation with his family and friends. See if you get a sense of what his past girlfriends were like....

I can totally relate though that sometimes you just have a good feeling about someone and ya go for it. Cheers!!

But, someone had to throw in a caution....

Love ya,
LB

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 1:18pm

Loony, thanks for your cautionary words!

His credit is better than mine, so I can't judge him on that, he has no criminal history and spent a couple of years after high school in the military, but didn't want to make a career out of it, I don't believe he's on the rebound, and he has a better criminal background than I do. Not that I'm a hardened criminal, but I was young and dumb once.

I do agree that normally I would be extremely turned off by the talk of exclusivity so quickly, and if one of you had typed this, I'm certain I'd try to encourage you to be a little cautious. I guess because I am the one talking to him, and have had conversations with his sister, brother in law and a host of cousins, it really seems like he's not hiding anything.

One more thing, and this is to all of you, who I know only want the best for me- I am not jumping in with my heart here. I'm open to getting to know him more, but I have no delusions that that can only happen over time. I get that. I also get that so far, we've enjoyed each other's company immensely. If that were all there was to it, I'd be cool with that- disappointed, maybe, but not heartbroken. I'm not yet emotionally invested in him, and it usually takes me quite a long time before that happens.

I'm not at all bitter about all of the past things, recent and further back in my history, but I am quite a lot wiser than I used to be.

Again, thank you ALL for your responses, and Loony, thank you especially for the cautions- I need them sometimes, even if it's just to remind myself that I wasn't born yesterday.

Moody, not as green as she is young


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Registered: 12-27-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 2:32pm
Sounds like you both had so much fun! I'm learning so much from you, Moody, and I'm 20 years older! (my birthday is next weekend also...!) So, I need to know about the intimacy part--with your daughter in the house. (I have a 6yo)--Do you have a lock on your door or her door? Does she know to knock? Is she just a really sound sleeper and you're not nervous? I'm having trouble w/this w/Mr. 4:15--I haven't brought him to my room when she's home--and have trouble relaxing (though I'm getting better) when she's sleeping. Any advice for me on keeping it private?
Mary
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 3:06pm

Mary, I do have a lock on my door. I wouldn't ever put a lock on hers- in fact, she doesn't have one, as her bedroom is a loft.
I also know that she's a pretty sound sleeper, and I knew that once she was out, she'd be out for the night.
I have taught both kids to knock, though, because even with the lock I want them to be in the habit of respecting each other's (and my) privacy. I also don't enter their rooms without permission, since I think respect has to be taught by way of showing them some. We all are pretty good at respecting one another's space.
I'm glad to hear that someone's learning something from my crazy escapades- sometimes I'm not sure I am! ;-)

Moody, who believes in the adage "if you can't do, teach"


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