Kid dealing with the craziness ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Kid dealing with the craziness ...
13
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:45pm

craziness.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 11:16pm

I can relate somewhat. My kids father is "stable" although I use that term loosely, but he barely has a relationship with them. My ex had several affairs, the last one was and is a 26 year old (he is 43) and my daughter asked me out of the blue "so, how many times do you think dad has cheated on you?" WOW! I have never disclosed to my kids what happened but they have figured it out. I then told her that I tried to do everything that I could to stay together and she replied "Why would you want to stay married to someone that cheated on you"? She is only 14 and yet our kids seem to get it.

BTW, my ex is a Dr.. I noticed you are a nurse, and I am sure you have seen your fair share of Dr. and their aftermath.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 12:01am
Yes, the kids do figure it out. My S18 was 14 when he figured out dad was not only losing his sanity, he was probably cheating on me. MY SON was the biggest catalyst in getting me to face that reality. He flat out said it hurt him more watching me suck it up than any fall out from the divorce. BTW my X is a Dr as well. Since the divorce his mental issues/substance abuse have begun to slip into his professional life. He actually had an official reprimand from the BOME last year. His mother says I kept him stable, the OW makes him worse. S15, who still tries to have a relationship with dad, also has noticed that when dad isn't with OW for a few days he starts being normal. He puts up with the craziness just for the reward of those moments. That worries me as that is how I hung in there for so many years when my head was screaming escape and my heart was begging hang on, this too will pass.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:16pm

Hey...I'm a Dr., be nice! ;) I never cheated or whatever nasties these creeps did!!

However, my X (not a Dr.)is crazy too. hasn't contacted me or DS since last May. My son has given up. He's okay with it now. "Mom, when can I change my last name?" he calmy nags me.

DS will be 8 in 2 weeks. He has his dad pegged, and I never say bad things about his dad in front of him, never revealed anything about what his dad did to me before I left. Kids can tell. They can smell it or something.

My kid seems to deal with it better in his fathers absence. His dad plays mind games like A's dad. Sometimes great, other times totally messed up. I speak to him about his fathers mental health in terms very similar to those you are using and it does help the child.

Take care. Crazy people and how they can hurt us... I think I will had out some condoms tomorrow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:47pm

Sorry

I did not mean to imply that all DR's are cheaters. I have seen soooo many that do (usually men).

My kids have figured it out as well. My daughter asked me a few weeks ago how many times dad has cheated!! I almost hit a tree as I was driving. My son knows but looks at him like he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I know he is at the age (13) where kids start to identify more with the same sex parent. I use the term "parent" loosely in his case. I suppose it is healthier than thinking he is pond scum and hating him.
My ex is living with the OW. She is 26 and he is 42. He moved her here from another country and hired her at the hospital where he is the chairman. They lived together for 4 months before I ever knew. I found out on Mothers' Day. He had told the kids to not tell me. What an uncontionable jerk!!

Have a good night chaquitas

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 6:04am

That is so horrible - I am sorry you had to go through that. HUGS!! Double HUGS!

They say that what comes around goes around. One of these days you are going to realize that you ended up with the better end of the stick - it just hasn't all come together yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 11:23am

Ugh, what


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 1:57pm

In a way I am glad that neither one of my kids dads really were bitter or have a lot of contact with the kids. The S2 has seen him 2 or 3 times when he was about 6 months old and D7 has seen her dad once and talks to his mom more than him on the phone. He just graduated truck diving school and is out "seeing the country"

He said the reason he wants to be a truck driver is becuase then he can get out here to see his daughter (him living in TX and us in CA) I have dated a truck driver and to even make any money you have to be on a schedule and have no time to stop. and if he thinks he is going to call and say "I am in Los Angeles. can you bring her to see me" ( we live 6 hours from there) he has lost his mind cause it ain't happenin'!!!!

I dont' like the fact that the don't see their kids but then I don't have to deal with the crazyness that most of you have to deal with. I don't know how you guys can deal with it either. I don't know what I would do. Other than to move to antartica.

You all are great and all deserve Big hugs.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 2:12pm

I agree with you about not dealing with the craziness. My ex-husband doesn't see my daughter at all, and hasn't in nearly five years. I know what state he lives in and that he's in another relationship and has another child, but that's about it. He probably wouldn't recognize my daughter, as she was barely one the last time he saw her.

While it sucks that she doesn't know her father, I also never have to deal with anything. I parent her as I see fit, and know that everyone she does have contact with loves her unconditionally and won't ever leave her.

I can't imagine how my life would be different if he did try to be involved, but I'm glad I don't have to worry about that.

Moody, who will take all of the responsibility, since I get all of the joy also.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 4:43pm
Here is the post with the part about the grouch on the shoulder! I think you are handling this well, R, and that hopefully one day DD will understand everything. It sounds like she is a really bright little girl, already. It is a shame that such a nice bright little girl has to put up with a dingaling father that can't be more mature and responsible for his own actions. I hope he will start to learn and get better. That is for sure!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 2:09am
Yeah, she does suprise me often with her understanding of things. Sometimes i wish she were more clueless & innocent, but i guess in the long run, being "on the ball" will serve her well!
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