Kids and Dating/Friends
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Kids and Dating/Friends
| Sat, 03-18-2006 - 12:35pm |
I'm thinking of posting a profile on an internet dating site again. I don't date often, don't get out a lot and have trouble meeting people. I have five children, ages 5-12. I can't afford much baby-sitting, but would like to get-out some. My question is, after I've known someone and "tested" him for 2-3 months, maybe longer, depending, would it be o.k. to bring him/them around my kids as a friend? Of course, there wouldn't be anything lovey dovey, just friendly outings or something. I'd make sure the guy understood that beforehand. Would this be confusing to kids or would they just take it at face value? I haven't had experience with this before, except I had one bf who was a mistake for a little over a year and made another mistake of meeting a guy at the park with my kids on a second date. He clearly had no respect for any of us. However, there are some decent guys out there and I can't see keeping them out of my chidren's lives, especially with the time constraints, just because they are male. On the other hand, I guess it would be dating a friend and I don't know if it would work-out long-term or not. Although hopefully we'd still be friends even if it didn't work-out romantically. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic here. I'd appreciate hearing anyone's experience, insights, ideas, opinions, etc.

Go,
If you want to bring a guy around as a friend, then do.
"My question is, after I've known someone and "tested" him for 2-3 months, maybe longer, depending, would it be o.k. to bring him/them around my kids as a friend? Of course, there wouldn't be anything lovey dovey, just friendly outings or something. I'd make sure the guy understood that beforehand. Would this be confusing to kids or would they just take it at face value?"
I think you would be okay with that plan.
The real challenge is meeting the right person. My personal opinion and experience is that i would rather see you try to fullfill your life in other manners besides online dating so that is not your only outlet and way to meet someone. There are a few who have had luck online so I would not poopoo it entirely - but what you want versus what you find will be 2 different things. There are many men online who do not want or are not capable of relationships - they only want an easy way to meet women and get laid. Just keep that in mind and work hard to screen out the bad ones and you will be okay.
I think you would benefit greatly from visiting this board and reading other stories and participating in discussions and of course we would love to have you.
Welcome and good luck!!
Well Im a woman with no children and have been dating a man with 2 children aged 7 and 3 for almost 9 months now. He was worried about bringing me into the fold as his kids mean the world to him and the youngest obviously still hasnt grasped the concept that mummy and daddy are no longer living together. He waited 6 months until we were introduced as I guess he wanted to make sure things were serious with me.
At first I would just go over to his house and stay a couple of hours when he had them, the little boy and me instantly got on as to him I obviously was just daddy's friend. His daughter however was extremely wary of me. We were never affectionate in front of them though the last couple of times we have been and then this weekend I actually stayed overnight for the first time and to be honest, neither one of them has batted an eyelid and thankfully I get on great with them both now.
I guess what im saying is try and meet a man a good few times on your own before introducing them to your children so you can at least tell if its heading somewhere. I have a friend who has introduced her son to every guy she has dated and the poor little mite is totally confused and now asks each one if he is going to be his new daddy.
But a lot of children are very accepting and just see the other person as another adult with who they can have fun with. Its a very delicate situation and can be hard for the parent, the children and the new partner but if handled gently and slowly, I reckon that at the end of it, you could all be very happy together.
Love the idea of the parents without partners group by the way, that sounds like a great way to go.
Good luck
x