Kids and expectations
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Kids and expectations
| Fri, 02-04-2005 - 10:27am |
Sorry, this is a little off topic as it's not about dating but since it's directly related to our kiddos I posted here. My question is what is realistic to expect in terms of focus and concentration at dd's age? She's seven and in second grade and it's a constant fight to try to get her to focus on doing her homework. We made her start doing it at the kitchen table but still she can drag it out forever, playing with her pencil, staring out the window, just dawdling. The thing is that I don't know if my expectations are unrealistic because I didn't have homework at her age. I know she doesn't have any attention deficit conditions because she has no trouble concentrating when she wants to; if she's interested in a book she can read for quite awhile and comprehend it, she can stick with painting or a craft for a long time.

>>>We made her start doing it at the kitchen table but still she can drag it out forever, playing with her pencil, staring out the window, just dawdling.<<<
This sounds like me sitting at my desk at work. I am no expert and my dd isn't even in school yet, but maybe she just isn't interested in what is being taught. It's really hard to focus on doing something when you have no interest in it no matter what age you are. I am also big on procrastinating, and if you can find the key to fix that, please tell me how.
The other thing is maybe she has an learning problem in certain areas, even though she does fine with reading for long periods. I know some people learn better by working through a problem, and some people are more visual or verbal. It might be a good idea to have her tested for learning disabilities (not necessarily attention deficit).
She is probably just tired from her day at school and not used to doing homework.
I think you need to make sure she has a good snack when she gets home. And she should do her homework first and then play.
We have a routine of: change clothes, wash hands, eat a big healthy snack. Then do homework - no TV or playing until homework is done.
Of course some days are better than others. I also have a reward system in place.
Points are given for:
- clean room in morning, ready for school on time - 1 point
- good job in school on assignments and tests - 1 point
- homework done fast and well - 1 point
Each point is good for one hour of fun time - TV or playing outside with friends. He loves to play outside so this is a good motivator.
I hope this helps - I think it will get better in time. She just needs to develop a routine and learn to push herself.
My son is 8 and in 2nd grade (he stayed back last year).
Andrea,
I guess my first thought was, it is good that you know she CAN concentrate for an extended period of time (book/craft/video game) on something that is interesting to her. SOmething that is WORTH her time, you know?
So, I wonder, have you tried any kind of positive reinforcement. Perhaps a sticker system. "B, you get 3 stars if you sit right down and do your homework and I never have to tell you to pay attention. 2 stars if you have to be told once or twice, and you complete your homework in the end, and only ONE star if I have to repeatedly remind you to stop staring out the window, playing with your pencil, and fiddling around"
Then go shopping with the "Stars" in the end?
That seems to be effective in some fashion in almost every situation with every kid I've met. The rewards are different for all of them. But the system is the same.
Having a GOOD reason to not goof off and draw the process out might keep her on track. She's a sharp girl. I think it'd be worth it to her.
Hi there
My ds is 8 and in the second grade (he just turned 8). He never liked doing homework since day one and it's usually a fight to get him to sit down and do it. But luckily, once he starts, he's pretty good about it.
I definitely think trying to have her in a space with limited distractions is good. I don't know if you're having her do homework in the kitchen so you can keep an eye on her, that's what i do too. But I'm right there doing dishes or something if he needs my help with the math, usually the E.L.A. he has no problem with. I also like the idea of rewarding and for a while when Connor was being difficult about doing his hw, I did have that as one of his tasks on his allowance chart, so he got a quarter for every day he did his homework without a problem.
One thing that was mentioned was having her do hw right after school or right when you get home. I know for mom's working full-time, it's hard when you get home at 5 or 6 to get dinner done, have them do their homework, do baths and all that and have enough time for the child to unwind. I'm lucky in that since I get home with them right after school most days about 2:45. I have read and I've always believed that it's best to give them a little unwind time before they start in on homework. I usually get them home, give them a snack and let them play or watch t.v. for half an hour before getting them on homework. Now on the days where we've had to go running around or on Thursdays where I lead my daughter's G.S. troop righ after school, we don't get home until almost 5, so then I have them do homework first (sometimes Connor has it done because he'll do it during our G.S. meeting) so I know it's done. After supper time for us is shower time, playing games time, reading or watching t.v. time so they (and I!) can unwind before bed so I wouldn't want them doing homework at that time. Plus when you think about it, the poor kids have been at school starting at 8 am, if I had them doing homework at 6 or 7 at night, that's an awfully long time to expect them to really pay attention and be with it.
Obviously, you may not have a choice in the timing thing, but if you can do give her a little unwind time before homework and explain to her that at X time, she's got to start her homework and stick to it.
Hugs
Tara
I understand your frustration and pain. I live it every day. I have 7-year-old boy/girl twins. My dd was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Homework is always a struggle. I do agree with you that kids now are getting a lot more homework then we ever did. Part of my twins' weekly assignment is to look up dictionary words. I know I wasn't do that in 2nd grade. I don't think your expectations are unreasonable. The way your dd is when she tries to do her homework could be nothing more than being not too interested in it. I have a niece like that. She's a straight A student, but she likes to procrastinate, and it takes her a long time to do her homework because she stalls and messes around. My dd's problem was a specific focusing problem. Even when I sit down with her and she takes her medication, some times she has troubling focusing on the work at hand. Copying sentences is particularly hard for her. She's a verbal child. She knows the material. She struggles to read. If I or the teacher ask her questions, she knows the answers. And math is her strong suit. She just learns different than other kids. I just need to figure out what her block to reading is.
I recently had a conversation with my ds's teacher. She said he has a focusing problem. Sometimes, he can accomplish everything at school; and sometimes, he gets nothing done. Same thing with my daughter. When she comes home with 6 pages of homework, I know she didn't have a good day.
I wanted to comment on this part of your post: "I know she doesn't have any attention deficit conditions because she has no trouble concentrating when she wants to; if she's interested in a book she can read for quite awhile and comprehend it, she can stick with painting or a craft for a long time." My dd has ADHD. I can't really explain it, but she can also color or draw for long periods of time, and she also plays with her Barbies for long periods of time. I'm not saying your dd has ADD or ADHD. I just wanted to point out that even though my daughter does, she can still concentrate for long periods of time on things other than school work. She's quite an artist. Her pictures are always very detailed and every inch of the page is colored. But ask her to copy a sentence, and she has trouble. I got both of my children tested because their teachers told me they had a "focusing" problem. That's very typical with ADD.
My suggestion to you would be to talk to her teacher and see how she is in school. Specifically ask her if she feels your dd has a focusing problem. Testing for ADD is pretty simple. You can go to your pediatrician. You and your dd's teacher fills out a form with specific questions. Then the form is sent to the doctor, who "scores" the form. My daughter scored pretty high on the ADHD scale, and she was given medication. She does much better on her medication than she did before. I just think your dd's teacher feels there might be a problem, it might be worth checking into. Your dd's teacher spends the whole day with her, and she might see something you don't.
Maybe there are kids out there that are procrastinators or manipulators, but I'm not a good judge of that. I know my daughter tries really hard, and I know she wants to do well, she just can't help it. Plus, I'm sure you know your dd very well. I just wanted to add that the test for attention deficit isn't difficult, and if you have any doubts in your mind, it might be worth checking it out. My exh fought me on getting my son tested. But I put my foot down. I figure it this way: If he's tested and it's negative, than no harm was done; but if it's positive, then we can try to get him help. I told my exh that I would rather know than not know. Plus, my kids are twins, it may be hereditary.
Good luck to you and let us know what happens.
Donna
I wanted to add this. I know when my dd is just messing around. This just happened 2 weeks ago. She had a lot of make-up homework to do on the weekend because she missed school because she was sick. She had a lot of penmanship. She messed around for about an hour and got nothing done. What I finally did was set my kitchen timer for 30 minutes. I told her to work on her homework until the timer goes off, then she could have a 10 minute break to do whatever she wanted. She did have a lot of work, so I broke it up in time increments with breaks in between. That worked pretty well. When I get real desperate, I threaten to take away something she loves (which in this case, is money). We're going on vacation during spring break. The kids have been doing chores around the house, and I've been giving them a little allowance. I told them that whatever they wanted to buy on the vacation had to come out of their allowance money that they have been saving. My dd's so funny. She's like an accountant. She counts it all the time. On that particular day, she was giving me a hard time with her homework, and I told her that if she didn't finish the page in the allotted time, I was going to take a dollar from her bank. I never had to actually take anything away, but because she is saving for this trip, it was a very good motivator for her.
Donna
Andrea,
I totally agree with Donna. My two girls have ADD/AHDS: The little one is the hyperactive one and the oldest has ADD. The differences are listed below. This might not be wrong, but definitely get it checked. Donna is right. My Alex can also work on one thing for hours, and other things nada. You need to get informed. Here is a few stuff to look into.
By the way Donna, you didn't mention that Katie had ADD last week. No wonder your frustrated, but your still having trouble. Maybe you need to switch med's. Have you been diagnosed for ADD yet? You know I was diagnosed when Alex was and so we are a ADD family, it's nuts, so it makes sense that you and I are so alike, you may have it. I am detail organized in my job only, because I like it, but otherwise, my life is a chaos. My house is an absolute pit. It always looks like hurricanes have hit us, because me and the girls can't keep it together. It's clean but messy. Make sense?
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The Diagnostic and Statitistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) lays out the criteria to be used by doctors, mental health professionals, and other qualified clinicians when making a diagnosis of AD/HD.
As with all DSM-IV diagnoses, it is essential first to rule out other conditions that may be the true cause of symptoms. The DSM-IV identifies three sub-types of AD/HD, depending on the presence or absence of particular symptoms: Inattentive type, Hyperactive type, and Combined type.
Because everyone shows signs of these behaviors at one time or another, the guidelines for determining whether a person has AD/HD are very specific. To be diagnosed with AD/HD, individuals must have six of the nine characteristics in either or both DSM-IV categories listed below.
In children and teenagers, the symptoms must be more frequent or severe compared to other children the same age. In adults, the symptoms must affect the ability to function in daily life and persist from childhood.
In addition, the behaviors must create significant difficulty in at least two areas of life, such as home, social settings, school, or work. Symptoms must be present for at least six months.
Criteria for the three primary subtypes are:
AD/HD - Inattentive Type
Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes.
Has difficulty sustaining attention.
Does not appear to listen.
Struggles to follow through on instructions.
Has difficulty with organization.
Avoids or dislikes tasks requiring sustained mental effort.
Loses things.
Is easily distracted.
Is forgetful in daily activities.
AD/HD - Hyperactive Type
Fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in chair.
Has difficulty remaining seated.
Runs about or climbs excessively.
Difficulty engaging in activities quietly.
Acts as if driven by a motor.
Talks excessively.
Blurts out answers before questions have been completed.
Difficulty waiting or taking turns.
Interrupts or intrudes upon others.
AD/HD - Combined Type
Individual meets both sets of inattention and hyperactive/impulsive criteria.
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http://www.chadd.org
p.s.: since alex has been diagnosed and her med's have been constantly checked, stabilized and in control, she has been writing A's & B's but her attention span with homework without the medication is a serious mess. We try to give it to her only during School hours and the lastest at 2pm. After that, she get's nothing, and nothing on the weekends. She has insomnia, stomach problems and a lot of other health problems, but she rather have that, then go without. We leave the choice to her. We aren't happy putting her on the med's, but it has been a lifesaver, especially for Alex, but also for all of us and it has saved my sanity and my hair (I was ripping it out with frustration.j/k).