Kids and temperament- nurture or nature?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Kids and temperament- nurture or nature?
13
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 11:43am

My dd is almost 11 and wow can that girl be moody! I do wonder sometimes if moods and temperament are in their natural gene makeup or is it environmental and outside influences. My dd is smart, intuitive, creative and rather abstract in thinking.


I hear that many who have two or more kids say they are night and day in personality. I wonder why that is? For those of you who have two or more, are they the same or very different in temperament. If different, do you think it is situational or outside factors or just personalities they are born with?


I started thinking about this last night as I had the good fortune to be able to talk to Mark. *Side Note: What a blessing to talk to Mark- I was so tuned out, thinking about BE's daughter who is the polar opposite of his other daughter. I was feeling pretty negative. I have to say to you all- Mark is incredibly positive and at the risk of sounding cliche- wise. Mark- I hope you know your words go a long way and further than you see. Kind of like dropping a pebble in a lake- the positive effect spreads outward further than you can see!


~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:02pm
I think it's all of the above.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:03pm

I have two dds... 6 and 9.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:05pm

Both my kids are pretty hard-headed (as am I) but there are slight differences.

April

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:10pm

First of all, awwwww thanks Pacsun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:13pm

So, I definitely think that their temperaments are a case of nature


That is a good point...especially since you noticed differences in-utero!!


Have you noticed that a lot of moms say that their first child is driven and intense and the second child or the baby is often light hearted and more extroverted? I wonder why? I think maybe the parents relax a bit after the first child and so the relaxed state of mind changes the behavior of the second child or last born.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:19pm

...I guess I am saying that it is a combination of factors...KWIM?


Yes- I think so too. I have only one but I have friends with two and I am really struck by how different thay are! I can see both genetics and environmental factors coming in to play. Maybe one child gets more of the dad genes and the other more of moms. Then on top of that different circumstances going on in the family would help to shape them as well I imagine..

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:21pm

I have heard that first borns are a bit more driven.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:25pm

You're very welcome for the compliment, Mark. Often times I think of how such positive influences are like pay it forward- the next day I just feel better more inclined to spread good vibes and words, like the lake ripples!


Yes- the differences in temperament in kids do bring gifts of their very own. I know a couple who has three kids- two girls and a boy. They are all so different and each of them has brought something great to the world but in completley different ways.


Here's my ongoing joke when people ask my if I'm ever going to have more kids. I say I got really, really lucky with my DD. I may have used up all the good genes- she's kind,

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:31pm

first child is driven and intense and the second child or the baby is often light hearted and more extroverted


This is definately my kids and I know I was more relaxed with DD because I was just a kid myself when I had her...with my brother (oldest) and I it was the opposite.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 03-26-2008 - 12:34pm

Yes! that seems to be so true!


My cousins were just like that. There are 4 siblings in that family.


1st born: she is DRIVIN. She's a lawyer, always was first in her class, perfectionist, a bit self critical and rather introverted.


2nd born: She is extroverted, FUNNY, lively and a total jokester and people pleaser but in a warm well meaning way.


3rd born: Moody, introvertd, thoughtful, introspective, kind and rather quiet. She is the typical "lost child" and as she grew up she often felt hurt and alone in the bunch. She is a beautiful person but struggles

~Pacific~

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