Kids say the darndest things

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Kids say the darndest things
4
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 11:54am
Yesterday at the birthday party for my DS (12) my EXH told me that my other DS(7) wants me to marry Mark. I broke up with Mark almost 6 month ago, but I didn't advertise it to the kids, since they didn't really spend any time with him. They asked a couple of times whether I was going somewhere with Mark, and I just said no and left it at that. And they hadn't asked about him at all for quite a while now. They did think he was pretty cool, because he's tall (6'2") and had a motorcycle : )

So now I'm not sure if I should talk to the DS7 about it. He never mentioned it to me, by the way, only to his father. And I really don't want to start reporting to them on all my dating activity. I'm a firm believer in keeping the kids out of it until it becomes serious.

So, what would you do?

Galina

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:05pm
I think you should just sit down and discuss it with your son. Be honest with him that you and Mark are no longer dating. Also talk about the fact that he brought it up with his dad, that you would prefer he talk to you about things like that, if they concern you.

It's always a tough call when there are kids involved. But since he's unaware of the situation, I think it's only fair to correct him and answer any questions he may have.

Good luck,

alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 12:16pm

I think you do need to talk to him. Sounds like he knew just a little more than you thought (they pick up on things quickly, don't they?) and has some confusion. I think it's a bad idea to allow confused ideas to brew in your child's mind. Best to get it in the open. I'd open by saying what your ex said, that he wanted you to marry M, and let your ds explain what he knows and why he thinks that and then go from there.


Hugs. Bet this is a conversation you'd rather not have huh?

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 1:46pm
Galina:

I agree with the other posts. I just wanted to add that I encountered a similar experience with my seven-year-old twins. They asked a lot of questions about an exbf. My kids had not met him, because I also believe in waiting until things get serious before a man meets my children, but they had talked to him on the phone and they knew I spent time with him when they were at their dad's house. I answered their questions and cleared up their misunderstanding. Boy, kids that age ask a lot of questions, but I'm glad I was able to talk to them about it. It's important that they hear the truth from you, as opposed to misinformation from someone else. Good luck.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 10:05pm
I would have a talk with both sons and put them "under orders of the queen" - that is a code word for my son in this house that he is not to mention ANYTHING about me to *anyone* including and especially to his dad. He knows that I do that to keep the peace and keep everyone from getting all shook up. He also knows that he is not allowed to tell of my matters or he won't get any of my secrets!! If his dad asks him a question he refers him to ME. This has worked well.

I honor the other end by never asking my son about his dad.

Anyway, that can be a general talk, not related to Mark.

On a side note, I would mention that in case they were wondering, Mark is not in the picture now. If they have questions they should feel free to ask you. You must keep the communication lines with your kids open.

I agree that you should not bring men around the kids until you are quite sure it is going to work - but if they see something and have questions they should feel free to ask you.