Kind of a curious. What other boards do
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| Thu, 01-20-2005 - 8:06am |
you visit other than Single Mom's and Dating and what is the difference between Single Parent Board and us? Isn't that almost the same thing? I always saw us as Single Parents, not just Mom's. Male or Female is Welcome.
Anyway, curious to know who lurks where, etc. Where do your other interests lie?
I have recently been posting on other boards. My boards have been:
Good Housekeeping with Maggie and Becky, because I miss the gang and their board is really good and I miss the sex discussions. LOL, just kidding, kind of.
Dating Military, because I am doing a long distance thing (yes, thing, because it hasn't really been defined yet. LOL) with someone in the Military
The news today (politics), because I am politically involved quite a bit during my freetime.
The war on terrorism debate, because I am involved through my pen pals military that are deployed in Iraq. This topic lies close to my heart.

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I am most active on Parentsoup....
I visit Day care providers the most often, I was a CL on that board, and I still like hanging out with them.
I visit (with less frequency) Parents of pre-teens & parenting issues debate board.
On Relationships, I am here most often, but also will goof off in the "guy" boards and the sex board...but the sex boards have gotten a bit boring lately...dunno why, I think it's because it's always the same stuff over and over.
Kim
I am sure the topics on the single parents and the single mom's and dating run through the same areas. But this one is more specific to how to balance the dating/relationship aspects of our lives as single parents (I know it says mom's but EVERYONE is always welcome. But I'd rather not request a name change myself, as I appreciate the people it attracts. Hey, we're here aren't we? ;)
Anyway...where else do I visit/lurk?
Well, you know I visit with Maggie at the SMI board (though to be honest, not a lot lately. I've been rather down in the dumps about my own marriage and don't feel like spilling it on the board, but also haven't felt like being involved in marital discussions)
I visit and occasionally post on the "pregnant after a loss" and "high risk pregnancy" boards.
I've recently posted on the debt/real estate boards.
I sometimes lurk (though it's been a while) at Guy Talk becuase it's fun (and that's one you'd probably enjoy C)
Um....I think that's it for now. It's hit and miss. Just depends on my life at the time.
I also have a totally different website that I go to that is specifically geared toward Preeclampsia (which is what I lost my baby to last year) and there's a lot of support for me as I am going through this again and am TERRIFIED!)
Hi
I really don't post on other boards anymore. I sometimes read some of the other relationship boards. I used to cl the "Ask the Relationship Saver" board but honestly, it was not for me!
This is really the only board I spend any time on.
Tara
This is by far my favorite board because I think the moms here are so smart and so kind and so special!! What a great group of people. I have learned that being a single mom is actually an advantage in the dating world because it causes you to be more picky and go more slow.
I also read/post on the dating doyenne board (just click on Relationships' message boards above and you will see it) - it has taught me more about dating and men than most relationship books - or perhaps just driven their points home. This is because you see the same problems over and over and those could have been mine had I not taken the time to educate myself.
The gist is that if you act like a booty call girl then you will get treated like one. Seriously - you should read those notes.
They all start with "I had sex on the first date and now he calls on a Saturday so I go over there and spend the night with him. What do I do if I want a relationship and a date instead of just sleeping with him?" Or "he is an alcoholic and doesn't have a job - I cannot be there all the time because of my kids and he is needy. But I feel my needs are not being met, what should I do?"
I have learned that you really have to look at a relationship as to what it can bring for you. AND you have to hold back your heart and make sure he is that into you and wants a relationship. One of the books by John Gottham, who can predict divorces in couples he observes in his study with a 95% success rate, says the relationship depends a lot on the man and how giving/compromising he can be - because women are naturally that way and tend to do too much and give too much.
I was always the one who gave too much. But now I have a new motto: NO MERCY, NO SLACK, NO REGRETS
(edited to add the "make sure he is that into you" lesson!)
I really found everyone's posts so helpful on my last UGH message - you guys saw things that I didn't see about that dodo accountant.
Edited 1/20/2005 11:08 am ET ET by west1745
I wanted to send you a special hug and note. Your post made me sad. I am sorry for you that your pregnancy has to be hard/complicated with preclampsia AND that you are having a bumpety bump in your marriage at the same time. Perhaps they are intertwined. Men are not good at dealing with things like that.
We are here to listen - and it doesn't matter the folder. You know that.
I guess you are doing all you can for the complication - rest, calcium, magnesium? And you have a good doctor? Is it under control? How much farther you do you have to go?
Your in my thoughts!
Very big hugs to you,
- Catherine
Hi west. Thank you for the encouragement.
And especially for reminding me I can "spill it all" here. I think I am too exhausted by it and I'd rather not. But to let you all know, I've got the good sense to get some counseling for myself to get through it and have my first appointment tonight.
The short story is a am recovering from dealing with life in a co-dependant way and this is rocking my DH's world because his usual MO of just saying things the way he wants, disrespecting me if he's in a bad mood, being unkind to my son because he thinks he "knows it all" about parenting are NOT going to fly anymore. There is constant conflict because I am speaking up on my own (and my son's) behalf and saying "look, I WILL be treated with respect, and so will my son and you are an angry person and I love you and will support you through this but you NEED to get help"
He doesn't appreciate my saying so. So, his little world is being shaken.
My counselor said it's a very typical scenario. When one partner gets "healthy" the other feels VERY threatened and it causes a great deal of conflict. So, I just need help on how to get through with out sinking my relationship. My getting better was supposed to HELP things, not worsen them, you know?
On the pregnancy.
I got very VERY early onset PreE last time. Which caused a placental abruption and loss of nutrition to my little one. And in the end, I was VERY VERY sick. My bp was so outrageous that it finished separating the placenta and I went through an emergency csection. My son was born alive, but did not have the necessary lung development (due to earlier abruption) to survive at 27 weeks.
My odds are not extremely high of getting it again as badly (10%) but my odd's of developing PreE at a later point in the pregnancy, due to previous severity, are reasonably high. Anywhere from 30 to 50%. I am on baby asprin, and have been tested for every known blood clotting disorder there is. They've found nothing, so at the moment I am not on any heparin shots (or similar) and I am not yet on BP meds. My perinatologist and ob are working closely together with me to get us through this one. I am only 8 weeks 1 day and I've already been to 4 or 5 appointments and have had 4 ultrasounds. (little bean is growing well!) So far, no symptoms at all. (unless you count morning sickness and exhaustion. But I'll take those!)
So, that's the story. Thank you for the well wishes. I am strong gal. I'll get through and come out on top again (and so will my marriage, by gosh!) and like I said, even the strongest know when to call for counseling help!
Thank you hon! You're too sweet!
I replied to Judy as to what is basically going on. But I am smiling as I type, so I am ok. ;)
Okay - you sound a little battle fatigued, and rightly so. But you do sound very strong and healthy.
I think it is good that you are setting boundaries with the DH. In time he will respect those and your hard work will pay off. Counseling is such a good idea!! You are one smart cookie. I would do the same thing.
And it is good you are doing that now before the next baba!!
Hang in there!! And keep growing the little bean. Only positve thoughts!!
Keep us posted.
Becky:
I just wanted to offer my support as well. Big hugs to you. I know what it's like to go through a high-risk pregnancy, and have marriage problems on top of that as well. It's a h ard road to travel, but you can always rely on all of us for support. When I read your post, I remember those days all too well. Being that I was pregnant with twins, which were conceived through artificial insemination, and I had early bleeding, I too was "high risk". It's never normal, is it? I remember all the doctors appointments and tests, and the constant worry that something could go wrong. I didn't talk about it much either. I sort of made a deal with God. I told him that if I could just get pregnant, I'd never complain, no matter how sick I got or how bad it got. And I kept my end of the deal. AS if trying to keep twins from not coming too early was bad enough, my husband started acting like a total a**. But that's because he was living a double life and having an affair with someone from work. I didn't find out about it til after the twins were born. But I just remember at the time that I couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with him, why he was being so mean to me. It wasn't a pleasant part of my life. I hope you have someone like a relative or a friend close to you that you can rely on for support. I had my sister, and I don't know what I would have done without her. Even though I'm not married or pregnant, I really do know what you're going through. You'll be in my prayers for sure.
Donna
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