Ladies......Help! Don't kill me tho...

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Ladies......Help! Don't kill me tho...
15
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 4:45pm

Ok, I have been going back and forth with Alex's father for more then a week now. I know, I know, I know.

I told myself I am not going to involve myself deep this time. I am just sitting back and watching how things move. AND I am doing that. So here's the latest scoop........

He called me now 3 times since he called over a week ago. He really wants to see me. He won't really say what, but he keeps saying about us living in NC together(but not moving in together wasn't the discussion, just being close by), about him being a father figure to both girls. He did say he loved me, but only because I told him in a friend/sisterly way that no matter what he's family and we love him, then he said he loved me as well, but it didn't sound very friendly, but more emotional. Does that make sense? Then he said he just wants to take one step at a time towards me and try to work things out and then he kept going on about how he has to see me and he is going to do whatever it takes to get the time off to do that. BUT he has a training that he has to attend, so I would like to know how he plans on doing that. The only time he would have is the time that I am going to go to North Carolina. I could of switched days around and paid 50 dollars to change my schedule to be with him, but you know what ladies? NOPE! Not going to do it. I think I've spent 18 yrs trying to make things work and now I am going to make HIM put lots of ENERGY into it. Make him get down on his knees and beg me before I make one more singular move to him. No more meeting him half way. If he wants to makes something happen, then he needs to move heaven and earth to do it. I'm not budging anymore. Scott can't do that. I've never known him too, so let's see how long it takes him to run off again. No more running from my side. I am nice and sweet and supportive to him, but I also cut the calls short and I never got into any conversation that was leading to a relationship. I talked to him about being a father to his daughter, about his career move, his mom and dad, his next trainings, job, operations, but I refused to get myself involved. And I didn't answer any questions regarding myself.

Then he said he'll start paying childsupport starting this month. hmmm? Whatever! I am just sitting back and gonna see what happens.

His Mom was so NOT thrilled. She's probably thinking "What the heck" is he doing. She has no clue. I actually think she is a bit angry at Scott because he wants to see me so suddenly, but hasn't seen her in over a year. I don't care. I don't care what anyone thinks, because this time I am going to do exactly WHAT and HOW I want and that is that.
I will not let myself be influenced or a bug put in my ear by his mom, by my family, by my girls or otherwise. This is totally a heart and head thing that I gotta figure out. I am going to watch and listen and watch and listen and watch and listen.

Any thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 5:01pm

Yes Cat, let it ALL be him. Just sit back and enjoy the show. He will probably take off again, it's hard for an old dog to do new tricks. Don't let it change anything you want or want to do.

Don't let it get to you.

Hugs

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 5:06pm
Thanks, I'm trying not even to think about it. I am more worried about the awful haircut I got last week (they totally chopped it and really bad) and how to get through my vacation without the mushroom head look. That is what they did! They mushroomed my hair! You may be laughing, but you would laugh a lot more if you saw it on me now! It's soooo sad. I don't know what to do. So you see?? I have worse problems to deal with then Scott. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 5:07pm

Sorry about the bad hair thing.

Well, hats are back in now I hear. ROTFL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 5:14pm

Cat,

I think you have a wonderful attitude about the whole thing. Letting Scott know that he is family and accepted while not enabling him is not only a safe way to go, but honorable too. No matter what Scott does or doesnt do you will be able to be proud of the way that you handled matters.

As far as the hair thing goes, I would go pick up some clips. You can pin it any which way you want so that it's redistributed and doesnt have such a mushroomy look. :)

Amy

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 5:44pm

Thanks Amy! I'll try the little clips and hope for the best. It really looks sooooooo sad. I feel like my head is the mushroom from Alison Wonderland. I have NEVER in my life had such an AWFUL haircut and it has to be BEFORE I go on vacation next week. I wanted to look my best and now I look my worst! It's my naturally curly hair that is really freaking it out. I tried straighting it out with hot rollers and iron, but it just looks ridiculous. Maybe I need to go back and tell them to thin it out with shears or something. It was supposed to have volume, but this is ridiculous. I will NEVER have her touch my hair EVER again.

Hugs,
catherine

P.s.: As for Scott. I do love him. He is family. That may seem wierd for many people who rather kill their X's, but I just have had to much of a childhood past and past with him, to say I don't care. That would be a lie. I still love him too much, but at this moment, it's just a very sisterly, family love. It's like he said the other day "No matter who he knows he knows that I am the only one no matter how angry I am at him, that he can pick up the phone and tell me he needs to talk and I will listen. He can't do that with anyone else." I want him to do that. I know that if I did the same, he would do that for me. It was something we promised one another to do as children, so I guess it just seems right. I'm just not ready to think about anything else though. The last time we split was one time to many and a big doozy; involving some serious broken hearts on all sides.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 5:52pm
Yup! Got the big floppy HAT to hide the hair. But like Amy said, I'll have to do the clips in case I have to take the darn hat off. YIKES!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 7:10pm

You sound like you are TOTALLY on the right track all on your own. Only time will tell. But I can tell you are in a healthy state.

Keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 10:08pm

Honey,

If you want to give it another shot and see what happens, then don't feel bad, just go slow and let it work itself out- one way or the other. You're idea to let him run the show, is good to a point- how are you planning to measure how "hard" he's trying? Give it time and really take the time to see the whole picture with him, why is he suddenly all about you? Is he lonely or does he genuinly want to see you and work things out?

I personally wouldn't give my son's father a chance again, but I have in the past gone back to him time and again because I hoped that things would change and our relationship would get better. It never did, it got worse and got harder. Now if he asked me, my answer to the end of time will be NO.

I now know that relationships shouldn't be so hard that you can never feel peace. They should be something in which you feel nurtured, secure and that your partner brings out the best in you.

I hope things work out for you.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 10:13pm
what about that baby he had the last time you were getting together? What happened to that relationship? Where's that woman and what role will you play in that child's life?
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 4:14am
Well to be honest, we haven't discussed that. I mean at the moment we are "supposidly" just trying to get our old friendship back on track. The woman was a one night stand before we got back together, so I have no problem with what happened. It happened, but it wasn't as if he had cheated on me. She lives in Louisianna and I keep wanting to contact her, but I know very little about her except that she works for a real-estate agency in a small town and that she is almost 40 now. Otherwise I have no clue or name.
I would want us to be a big part of this childs life. I think it's important for Alex too, but at this point I don't know what Scott is even doing about it. I don't know how she would feel about it. That is actually something I rather wait until I am face to face with him on. Somethings are best left until you are facing the man.

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