Ladies......Help! Don't kill me tho...

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Ladies......Help! Don't kill me tho...
15
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 4:45pm

Ok, I have been going back and forth with Alex's father for more then a week now. I know, I know, I know.

I told myself I am not going to involve myself deep this time. I am just sitting back and watching how things move. AND I am doing that. So here's the latest scoop........

He called me now 3 times since he called over a week ago. He really wants to see me. He won't really say what, but he keeps saying about us living in NC together(but not moving in together wasn't the discussion, just being close by), about him being a father figure to both girls. He did say he loved me, but only because I told him in a friend/sisterly way that no matter what he's family and we love him, then he said he loved me as well, but it didn't sound very friendly, but more emotional. Does that make sense? Then he said he just wants to take one step at a time towards me and try to work things out and then he kept going on about how he has to see me and he is going to do whatever it takes to get the time off to do that. BUT he has a training that he has to attend, so I would like to know how he plans on doing that. The only time he would have is the time that I am going to go to North Carolina. I could of switched days around and paid 50 dollars to change my schedule to be with him, but you know what ladies? NOPE! Not going to do it. I think I've spent 18 yrs trying to make things work and now I am going to make HIM put lots of ENERGY into it. Make him get down on his knees and beg me before I make one more singular move to him. No more meeting him half way. If he wants to makes something happen, then he needs to move heaven and earth to do it. I'm not budging anymore. Scott can't do that. I've never known him too, so let's see how long it takes him to run off again. No more running from my side. I am nice and sweet and supportive to him, but I also cut the calls short and I never got into any conversation that was leading to a relationship. I talked to him about being a father to his daughter, about his career move, his mom and dad, his next trainings, job, operations, but I refused to get myself involved. And I didn't answer any questions regarding myself.

Then he said he'll start paying childsupport starting this month. hmmm? Whatever! I am just sitting back and gonna see what happens.

His Mom was so NOT thrilled. She's probably thinking "What the heck" is he doing. She has no clue. I actually think she is a bit angry at Scott because he wants to see me so suddenly, but hasn't seen her in over a year. I don't care. I don't care what anyone thinks, because this time I am going to do exactly WHAT and HOW I want and that is that.
I will not let myself be influenced or a bug put in my ear by his mom, by my family, by my girls or otherwise. This is totally a heart and head thing that I gotta figure out. I am going to watch and listen and watch and listen and watch and listen.

Any thoughts?

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 4:31am
That's the thing Alison... I'M REALLY NOT SURE I want too. But I think it's my right now to pull out whenever I want to. Their is no harm in what is going on at the moment as long as it stays that way awhile and I don't let my head get fogged. Which at the moment is crystal clear. Almost to crystal clear. A bit scary since I am talking about the guy that has been my biggest love since I was a pre-teen (I just realized, that was over 20yrs ago, not 18 yrs as I thought, yikes!). Not much he can do anyway since we both live so far away. He said it would never work if he stayed in the Navy, but now (he's getting out in 9 months, exactly the time frame that I am moving over) he is positive it would, because he'll have more time for a family. Not really sure about that since he'll be doing undercover bodyguard work. YIKES AGAIN! Alex keeps asking why he can't do a normal desk job like other parents and all Scott and I do is shiver at the thought of Scott behind a desk. LOL. Even I know that would be IMPOSSIBLE for him. I just worry what his life will look like when he's older. When he can't use all his muscles and adrenaline for missions anymore. What will happen to him? Anyhow..........
He keeps making these remarks, but he doesn't really open up and I am not egging him too. I am more ignoring that all and changing the subject. I just keep reminding him that Alex needs him and loves him and he needs to be a father. I sound like a broken record, but I hope that I can get it to stick in him. I know this sounds funny, but i would just be so happy if we could both live close to one another and raise our daughter and be great friends. No more strings attached. Just good friends and taking care of the our child. He keeps adding Nina in the picture, so of course if he could help raise both it would be great. I wouldn't mind if he found another woman that accepted me and realized I am not a threat and that we could all live like one happy family. Ok, maybe that is a bit extreme, but I love the way Sunshinemin and her X get along great. I think it's awesome and wish I could just have a platonic understanding relationship like that. I don't want to live with him, but I don't want to live without him. Make sense?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 8:20am

Oh - so he is getting out of the Navy. I am not sure if this new contact with you means he is scared about a big change in his life and craves stability for the transition - or if he is really ready to settle down now - how old is he?

Only time and your intuition will answer these things. There is no way to know now.

Many will say that you can't change a man - and he has surely be a free bird and selfish - so I could understand the advice of "forget him for what he has done - he won't change." But I have seen love and time change a person too - so there is always a chance.

I don't think he would ever be tied to a desk - sounds like he has an "adventure" gene and as a Navy SEAL he has certainly done what a lot could never hope to do.

Just wait and see. You are in a healthy place in your life. You will make the right decision for you and your girls!! I just know that.

How is the mushroom cut? I think it will mellow out by the time you are ready to come here. But I would have a fit on that just like you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 11:18am

I have a small idea of what you're going through Cat. What you say makes sense to me.

Trav still calls and emails me, I know he wants us to be together. I also know that it won't work for me as long as he is gone so much. He called me last night and sounded so tired. He wants us to keep in touch and I think he hopes we can make contact again at some point.

I think the only way it will happen is when he retires. And what the HELL would I do with him then? He's wound so tight (just the way he's made plus his work the past 20 years has accentuated that)I can't imagine him in retirement. He might drive me crazy! And he would probably take the same road that your seal is, private work. If he's ever in REAL retirement it would probably be because he was hurt or incapable of his job at some point. And do I want what's "left" of him then?

They are very hard questions. I don't want to write him off completely, but I still have strong feelings for him. In a lot of ways (I'm sure this sounds goofy) he's my hero. He's doing things that I believe keep us all safer and saves lives. And he's given me great advice and encouragement.

At this point though I'm not going to ask him to come, he's going to have to do the asking. If he wants us to be something, he's going to have to put it together and I doubt that will happen. I see you doing something similar.

HUGS!
Candi

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 04-22-2005 - 9:05am

Totally agree with every letter you typed. Can't say more then what you just did.

Hugs,
Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 8:51pm

Wow Cat, the more I hear of this story the more I realize what a long and complex history you have with Scott. You really knew him as a preteen? Did you meet at school? I've never known a man that long and it's remarkable to me. I can't imagine a man having even tacit interest in me for 20 years. They usually lose interest in me in a year or so, it seems. I'm following this story closely.

Amy

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