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| Thu, 09-09-2004 - 3:54pm |
The way I see it, I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. If I don't agree to this reunion, I will be labeled as the bad daughter who couldn't get over herself for the sake of her mother. If I do this, I will cause myself a whole lot of pain and anguish at every family gathering. Believe me, I love my mom and I would do anything for her. I haven't given my final answer because I want to discuss this situation with my counselor first before I make a commitment. I just wish for one second that my family would appreciate what it is that they are asking me to do. And also, they should realize that my little sis is the same evil, mean person she was 3 years ago. I would never have time to explain everything she had done over 3 years (nor would you want to read it all), but I can give you an example. My BIL, Kevin (little sis's exh)and I have always been friends, and even more so over the past 3 years. He got engaged on Easter. He is getting married on a cruise ship over spring break next year. I was asked to go, with my kids, because his kids are going to be there. I said yes, and my kids are soooo excited. They have never had a vacation like that before. I have put a deposit down for the cruise and a deposit down for the airfare. According to their divorce decree, my BIL has his kids for spring break, and that's why he is getting married that week so that his kids can be there. Little sis got wind of this, and she is contesting her kids being there. Against the advice of her lawyer, she is going to take it all the way to a judge just to keep her kids from being at their dad's wedding. And the reason that she gave her lawyer is because I was invited to go. So, you see what I'm dealing with. If we do this reunion thing, there is no guarantee that at a family party that my sister won't do or say something stupid and ruin the whole thing. She's good for that (see example above). My dad should also realize that if we do this, it will only be for mom's sake. Not one of my sisters really wants to be friends with little sis again, they will just be civil for the sake of mom. In my opinion, that's nothing but a big farce. We really can't stand each other, but were doing this to put on a big show.
So, that's my story, and that's the explanation for my funk. I've been in a funk since Sunday. This is a huge thing that is being asked of me, and I don't know what to do. If I could guarantee that little sis will be nice and not act stupid, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I can't guarantee anything where she is concerned. In my opinion, it won't work unless both parties (me and little sis) are willing to meet half way and behave in an adult manner. I can do it, but can she?
I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. It's like a big weight on me right now. Thanks for listening.
Donna

Anyway, the thought of having to see him, and worse off talk to him at the funeral was killing me. Causing alot of anxiety. My stepdad died. We were cordial--for my mom, and to respect my stepdad. He was on one side of the room,(funeral home) I was on the other. If he tried approaching me, I went to the other side. If he cornered me to talk, I'd only give yes/no or very few words for answers. There was no fighting. It was tense, but worked out.
Do you think this is somethign you and your sis could do? I dont know the details of your troubles with her (mine is extremely long--but blackmail, threats of violence/murder is a part of mine)....can you both be in the same room, for the sake of your mom, and stay on opposite sides? If she starts to say anythign, walk out?
I'm sorry. I do know how you are feeling right now. If you dont think it's possible, just stand up for you. Time to look out for YOU because no one else will. I dont think getting together for bday parties and such now will make a difference. Your mom knows you are having problems, right? Be there for your mom. That's your only "obligation"...
I am not saying it is easy - it isn't. But it is the right thing I believe. If you do it know that we all support you. i feel if you don't you will reget it forever. Better to try (((((HUG))))))
Laura
I have read your posta few times and have tried every day to think of an answer for you and your situation. I do sympathize with you - you have been through so much.
I think I agree with this answer the most.
(((((Donna)))))
It's easy for me to say because I get along pretty well with my brother and haven't read all your posts... but I'd like to
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