Late AGAIN with Child Support

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Late AGAIN with Child Support
41
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:11am
Why do I bother to depend on him? How can I trust he will do right by his son? He gets paid on the 15th and that would be the time to write the check and send it on. Now I know it's not due til the 25th, but what's the harm in sending it with the bills they send off on the 15th? Is Dylan not worthy of getting his money early? Why should he HAVE to wait til the 25th (or after) to get what he's entitled to? Especially when XH doesn't get paid again til the 1st, so it's not like they are waiting for anything else to come in before they can send Dylan's money.

XH called this morning telling me he had to wait til the 25th to send it because he had to get a plumber out to his house. Now I understand that there are unexpected circumstances. I have them too. This month is particularly bad. But we depend on that money for Dylan and to help out with things. We have 20 bucks right now and have to buy food this weekend.

Shane is hoping he gets this bonus check today his boss keeps "forgetting" to give him, but I doubt he'll get it and he sure won't ask for it. I cried my eyes out last night because I'm almost out of gas in the car and we need to get food all on 20 bucks. I can go to his work and he can fill the car up for free, but it all depends on if he has time to leave for a few minutes to do it.

Poor Dylan has been begging for a new Gameboy game and I promised his money would be here soon and we'd get him one. He's been asking when the money would be here and I figured by this weekend at the latest I'd see it. But now I have to break his heart and tell him we can't get it. How can his father be so hard hearted?

I can't exactly tell XH that we're flat broke. He'll use that against me. But 20 dollars is not going to feed us until next Friday when we should expect the money to arrive. If Shane doesn't get his bonus today, we're not going to make it.

Shane tells me it's going to be okay. And when he says this, it always ends up being okay. He said he's not worried at all. I guess if we have to, we'll eat Ramen noodles and sandwiches. I've been there. I don't mind. It's cheap and not too bad. I love tuna fish and bread is always on sale at our market. We still have plenty of lunch meat for the boys to take in their lunches and I can get some milk and juice. I just have to be careful.

The worst part is how my mom will call can she hears the sadness in my voice and I can't tell her what's happened. They will try to get together some money for us and they can't afford it.

XH is a deadbeat. I'm so tired of depending on him to do the right thing. It's HIS son too and he acts like it's fine to make that baby wait for the things he needs. Not only does he consistently send money late, but he PROMISED he'd buy some school clothes/supplies for Dylan to help us out. He didn't. Last Winter, he promised he'd buy D a new winter coat. He didn't. Shane took him up to a very nice western store and bought him a denim Carhardt coat. Very nice coat. We weren't even living together then. It was just a thoughtful gesture from a man that loves my son. XH never even acknowledged it. He acted like it was Shane's job to do that. And that's kind of lame considering there was no promise of a future between Shane and me at that point.

I know Shane and I should be more careful with our spending and other than the pawn thing, we have been. We haven't bought anything or gone anywhere except to Ft. Worth to see our nephew be born. Oh and we got Dylan's school supplies and shoes, but those were necessary. And on sale. We paid the bills we could, we bought food, and nothing else. Dylan had a dental appointment that cost us a fortune until the insurance company pays us back and again, that was unavoidable. It's just been a rought month and this of all times is not the time to be late with the only thing that will help feed his son.

I'm done worrying. I can't take it anymore.

Mel

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Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:25am

Hi


I don't know if you can have this done, but can't you have it taken out of his check automatically and that would alleviate the problem going forward?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:52am
Actually, I tried to have things changed. Our agreement is in Mississippi because we lived there together until we split and I moved to Texas. I tried to have the child support agreement brought to Texas and they instead tried to take back support from him that he didn't owe me. They refused to listen to me about what I really wanted to do and ended up almost making me get sued by my ex because they made me look like I was lying to get more money out of him. I also attempted to have the money withdrawn from his checks and that didn't happen either. The state of MS claims that because I signed the agreement as it was, that there was no way I could go back and change it. So basically, I'm stuck getting the same amount forever because he won't have to report his new earnings if he just writes a personal check. They have no way of tracking his earnings or raises because it doesn't go thru the state. His attorney did this so I wouldn't ever be able to go for a raise in support.

So as much as I'd like to have it drafted, I can't.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 11:50am
When it rains, it pours. And you are having a bad week!!

Is your ex always late with child support? If so, I would try to find a lawyer to have his money come out of his check and go through the courts. I don't think you should just quit based on what you said. But you need legal advice and help to navigate the courts. You have a long way to go since he is only 5 and you don't want this messing up your happy home.

I would just try to hang in there and listen to Shane for now. It is not like your house is in foreclosure and they have repo'd your cars - you sound like you have made good strides at living on a cash basis, no credit cards and you are almost ahead with getting stuff paid off. Everyone experiences tight weeks - and you should get the gas put in the car for free and eat out of the pantry.

Another reason to save that money when stuff is paid off!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 12:56pm
Thanks. I am going to listen to Shane. It always turns out to be okay when he says so. I don't know how he knows, but he just does. I guess this is why he feels it's okay to spend a little more than I would recommend. Because we will be okay one way or the other.

I did call the courts this morning and they said I needed an attorney. So I guess I'll be speaking with Shane about consulting an attorney pretty soon. I know he knows a lot of people here so he can suggest someone or knows osmeone that can suggest someone.

I don't want to cause troubles, but I think if he loves his son as much as he says he does, he should want to do better. He boo hoo's to me all the time about how much he misses and loves Dylan. Well, prove it by taking better care of him. He's not just my repsonsibility.

Just because D lives with me doesn't take away the fact that XH is supposed to be involved more than he is.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:34pm
Mel,

I'm sorry, but why-if you're broke- would you be spending the money from your XH on a video game? The money you get from your ex is supposed to help in the cost of RAISING your son, not your son's ALLOWANCE. I'm sure that you really want to do something nice for your son, but look at the REALITY of your situation: YOU CAN BARELY AFFORD TO EAT RIGHT NOW!!!! You should NOT be spending ANY money frivolously no matter WHERE it comes from! I just think that's poor judgement and bad spending. That's my rant here, in the end you decide what is best for your family. I just think at a time like this, you would put aside a little and start saving for that game instead of buying it when you need it the least.

That said, you need to consult a lawyer and find out what you can and should do to get your ex's paycheck A) garnished and B) the support amount updated yearly with his taxes. You don't need to pay for a consult, those are free. I did all my court work without a lawyer- so the court house telling you you need one is BULL! Find out what you need and how to get it and start filing!

I'm glad though that you do have a great guy like Shane! Sounds very giving and loving to you and your son.




Edited 8/20/2004 2:09 pm ET ET by alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:34pm
If it's not due till the 25th why would he send it early? I must have misunderstood something here.

And Dylan will be ok waiting for a gameboy. Lots of kids can't afford them at all. If you don't act like it's a big deal, he won't think it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:23pm
Mel,

I may be the voice of dissent here, and I haven't read the other responses, but I think you're being a little harsh on the ex.

You didn't say he doesn't pay his child support, you just said he pays it late.

But the way I'm understanding it, is that it's only late in your opinion because you are expecting it earlier than it is due. Can you really fault a guy for sending his child support payment when it is due, instead of early? And if he DOESN'T know you're $20.00 away from starving because you haven't told him, how is that hard-hearted? He may think you're doing so great because Shane makes so much money, so sending the money early is not necessary.

If he pays his child support consistently, than you can't fault your ex for your financial troubles. I think you are pointing the finger at the wrong guy.

JMHO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:37pm
The reason I feel like he should go on and send it is because he gets paid on the 15th and nothing else comes financially to them betweent he 15th and the 1st. So go ahead and write the check on the 15th along with the bills they pay then and send it on. The money is there, just send it. Why should Dylan have to wait til the 25th just because that's the due date? People pay their bills early all the time. We do most of the time. If it's due in a certain pay period, I write the check the moment the money is there and mail it whether there are ten days til the due date or not. It's just peace of mind for me. And it's habit. I mean he has to pay it anyway, so just do it when the money comes in instead of hanging out a few extra days. That's how I'd do it. I am making Dylan wait on the game. It's just that I anticipated having enough money at the end of the month to be able to get his game without an issue. Now that I know we can't, I just won't no matter if we have the extra or not. He can wait til next month or longer. And his father could buy him one sometimes too.

Anyway, I'm not doing anything that I can't do. It's not worth the hassle.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:39pm
I had orignally promised the game when I thought we'd be okay at this point of the month, however, things have changed. I'm not gonna go get it now. He will wait and deal with that like a big boy. I hate that his heart will be broken, but worse things could happen. He'll get over it and play with what he has. He has plenty of stuff.

So I am not doing anything that I can't do easily. If we don't have the money, we won't buy unnecessary things.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:46pm
No, he's going to be late and he usually is late. Not just because I think he should send it on when he gets paid, but because he chooses to send it to where it arrives several days late. He places Dylan last on his list. He hasn't seen him in a month and he acts like it's such a big deal, but keeps putting off his visits because his wife has other things for them to do.

He is consistently late and I've tried to fix things, but to no avail. So I am pointing the finger at him because he can't manage to fulfill his responsibility on time. I know Shane and I have faults too and I'm not denying those, but the ex needs to get a grip and realize that his son is supposed to have his money on time and I do keep track of that.

I don't tell XH anything about my financial situation because it's none of his business. If I were to tell him I had 20 dollars, he'd find a way to use that against me event hough it is mostly due to some unexpected debts this month or things being more expensive than expected like D's dental visit or the insurance. The pawn thing, although very frustrating and the biggest debt of all, was reasonable after looking at it. It was either pay it and get to keep those things or lose his father's stuff that meant so much to him. If we hadn't had tose issues this month, we would have been fine because we haven't done anything recreational. We barely ate out. Maybe twice and cheap.

Mel

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