Late AGAIN with Child Support
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| Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:11am |
XH called this morning telling me he had to wait til the 25th to send it because he had to get a plumber out to his house. Now I understand that there are unexpected circumstances. I have them too. This month is particularly bad. But we depend on that money for Dylan and to help out with things. We have 20 bucks right now and have to buy food this weekend.
Shane is hoping he gets this bonus check today his boss keeps "forgetting" to give him, but I doubt he'll get it and he sure won't ask for it. I cried my eyes out last night because I'm almost out of gas in the car and we need to get food all on 20 bucks. I can go to his work and he can fill the car up for free, but it all depends on if he has time to leave for a few minutes to do it.
Poor Dylan has been begging for a new Gameboy game and I promised his money would be here soon and we'd get him one. He's been asking when the money would be here and I figured by this weekend at the latest I'd see it. But now I have to break his heart and tell him we can't get it. How can his father be so hard hearted?
I can't exactly tell XH that we're flat broke. He'll use that against me. But 20 dollars is not going to feed us until next Friday when we should expect the money to arrive. If Shane doesn't get his bonus today, we're not going to make it.
Shane tells me it's going to be okay. And when he says this, it always ends up being okay. He said he's not worried at all. I guess if we have to, we'll eat Ramen noodles and sandwiches. I've been there. I don't mind. It's cheap and not too bad. I love tuna fish and bread is always on sale at our market. We still have plenty of lunch meat for the boys to take in their lunches and I can get some milk and juice. I just have to be careful.
The worst part is how my mom will call can she hears the sadness in my voice and I can't tell her what's happened. They will try to get together some money for us and they can't afford it.
XH is a deadbeat. I'm so tired of depending on him to do the right thing. It's HIS son too and he acts like it's fine to make that baby wait for the things he needs. Not only does he consistently send money late, but he PROMISED he'd buy some school clothes/supplies for Dylan to help us out. He didn't. Last Winter, he promised he'd buy D a new winter coat. He didn't. Shane took him up to a very nice western store and bought him a denim Carhardt coat. Very nice coat. We weren't even living together then. It was just a thoughtful gesture from a man that loves my son. XH never even acknowledged it. He acted like it was Shane's job to do that. And that's kind of lame considering there was no promise of a future between Shane and me at that point.
I know Shane and I should be more careful with our spending and other than the pawn thing, we have been. We haven't bought anything or gone anywhere except to Ft. Worth to see our nephew be born. Oh and we got Dylan's school supplies and shoes, but those were necessary. And on sale. We paid the bills we could, we bought food, and nothing else. Dylan had a dental appointment that cost us a fortune until the insurance company pays us back and again, that was unavoidable. It's just been a rought month and this of all times is not the time to be late with the only thing that will help feed his son.
I'm done worrying. I can't take it anymore.
Mel

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The longer that money sits in MY bank, the longer I accrue interest on it (even if its just pennies) and the longer my bank account shows a high balance - thereby increasing my credit score.
Financial planners tell you write the check, put it in the envelope, but don't send it until 5 days before it's due. Ever.
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Mel
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The money is not for your SON, it's for YOU to help in the cost of shelter, food, clothing, medicine, dental appointments and so on. You're looking at this all wrong- it's for YOU to help, not to do with your son. It shouldn't matter to your son if his dad is not paying on time, it should matter to YOUR pocketbook when you don't have the help in raising him.
There's no way that you will ever impose your values on the man. So what if you pay the bills when the money comes in, he doesn't and probably never will work that way. He probably puts the cheque in the mail on the 25th, right? Cause to him, that's when it's due- but he doesn't take into account that the mail system takes 3-5 days. It would be nice if he could transfer the money into your account, or deposit it into your account for you- but that's unlikely to happen.
Does your state have an agency that works as a middle man? Get on the ball with your lawyers and find out what you can do. Get his chqs guarnished right out, or file for a review of his salary to update the support amount. So what if he pays by personal chq? You should have a yearly review of his salary when his taxes are filed. Child support is based on a percentage of income before taxes. If he's making more money, you deserve to be getting more support for the bills you incur having your son full time. Also, if there are extraordinary expenses, you can ask for half of that cost as well- like if your son needs braces later on.
Talk to your lawyer and find out what you need to do.
We live two states apart, so there is no middle man in the same state. So I need to find out if I need an attorney here or there to take care of business. I do plan to pursue this so his wages are garnished. I'm not doing it to spite him. I'm doing it for Dylan. I'm tired of him mailing the money late just because he thinks it's okay. It isn't. It never will be. Dylan ends up hurting most of all because of this. He's so little ad innocent and idolizes his father. He has no idea how hes being cheated out of what he deserves. He has no idea how I am doing the best I can to be positive around him and to take the best care of him that I can.
Rough months happen. I know this and we will deal with it as it comes. I know it will be alright and we'll make it. We always have in these times. I guess I'm just more emotional because I'm pregnant. But I need to not have so much stress so I can be healthier for me and my baby. Dylan needs a healthy happy mommy too. So I'm going to just chill and let it go for now. But soon, I will be consulting an attorney when we are able to afford it better.
Mel
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You should begin looking through your state (and his state) about child support issues. I live in BC, Canada, and here we have rules for the minimum amounts and guidelines when asking for *extraordinary expenses*. For example, minimum support is 8% of gross income, and if I wanted to claim for child care expense- I could only ask for half of what I would pay AFTER the amount of tax deduction claim was removed- so say 500/ month for daycare- tax deduct of 200= 300/2= 150.
I really hope that there are guidelines to follow in his state, since it's more likely that the judge will award on HIS state rules. Just make sure that you fight for a yearly review of his income to determine the amount of support.
Also, you mentioned he has insurance, is that health/ dental and is Dylan named on it? If you do not have health/ dental benefits and he does, then you should petition that he MUST put Dylan on his plan. And he should be paying for half of anything that isn't covered, because HE'S THE FATHER! You need to get these things in writing and ordered by a judge. Too bad so sad for him, YOU have another child on the way and need help insuring your first is fully cared for.
On another note, how's the pregnancy going?
Alison
I just want to clarify that I wasn't implying that you should tell your ex about your financial situation (you are right it's none of his business), what I was trying to say, is that if he doesn't know, than you can't assume he is being cold hearted about your situation.
I'm not clear on whether you have tried telling him that you would like the money sooner? Has he resisted? Maybe you could ask him if he would be willing to have it directly deposited into your acct? His employer may be able to do this. It saves him from having to write a check and a stamp, and you from having to wait for the check to arrive and make a trip to the bank. If you can't get him to agree to pay it sooner, than you might try adjusting your financial cycle to be in time with the arrival of the check at the end of the month, just like you would if it was a paycheck.
It's good that you're consulting an attorney about your child support set up. He or she will be much more knowledgeable about you and your child's rights and how to get what you are entitled to.
Good luck with all of this.
On the positive note, pregnancy is going great. No morning sickness, nothing more than being a bit tired. I'm catching Shane's cold, though, so I'll fight thru that and be better in a few days. Oh and he brought home money and will get more Monday or tomorrow. So we're going to be fine.
Mel
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I think you should ask for your ex's cooperation before going to the attorney - but present in a positive win-win solution-oriented manner.
I agree with orange clouds on this one:
"I'm not clear on whether you have tried telling him that you would like the money sooner? Has he resisted? Maybe you could ask him if he would be willing to have it directly deposited into your acct? His employer may be able to do this. It saves him from having to write a check and a stamp, and you from having to wait for the check to arrive and make a trip to the bank."
Sometimes it is better to try the easy way first. I read your last post and am glad that you got a little money to get through the weekend.
Get lots of rest for your baby!
He never will. So it's up to me to make it happen, and I will.
Mel
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