Late AGAIN with Child Support

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Registered: 04-21-2003
Late AGAIN with Child Support
41
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:11am
Why do I bother to depend on him? How can I trust he will do right by his son? He gets paid on the 15th and that would be the time to write the check and send it on. Now I know it's not due til the 25th, but what's the harm in sending it with the bills they send off on the 15th? Is Dylan not worthy of getting his money early? Why should he HAVE to wait til the 25th (or after) to get what he's entitled to? Especially when XH doesn't get paid again til the 1st, so it's not like they are waiting for anything else to come in before they can send Dylan's money.

XH called this morning telling me he had to wait til the 25th to send it because he had to get a plumber out to his house. Now I understand that there are unexpected circumstances. I have them too. This month is particularly bad. But we depend on that money for Dylan and to help out with things. We have 20 bucks right now and have to buy food this weekend.

Shane is hoping he gets this bonus check today his boss keeps "forgetting" to give him, but I doubt he'll get it and he sure won't ask for it. I cried my eyes out last night because I'm almost out of gas in the car and we need to get food all on 20 bucks. I can go to his work and he can fill the car up for free, but it all depends on if he has time to leave for a few minutes to do it.

Poor Dylan has been begging for a new Gameboy game and I promised his money would be here soon and we'd get him one. He's been asking when the money would be here and I figured by this weekend at the latest I'd see it. But now I have to break his heart and tell him we can't get it. How can his father be so hard hearted?

I can't exactly tell XH that we're flat broke. He'll use that against me. But 20 dollars is not going to feed us until next Friday when we should expect the money to arrive. If Shane doesn't get his bonus today, we're not going to make it.

Shane tells me it's going to be okay. And when he says this, it always ends up being okay. He said he's not worried at all. I guess if we have to, we'll eat Ramen noodles and sandwiches. I've been there. I don't mind. It's cheap and not too bad. I love tuna fish and bread is always on sale at our market. We still have plenty of lunch meat for the boys to take in their lunches and I can get some milk and juice. I just have to be careful.

The worst part is how my mom will call can she hears the sadness in my voice and I can't tell her what's happened. They will try to get together some money for us and they can't afford it.

XH is a deadbeat. I'm so tired of depending on him to do the right thing. It's HIS son too and he acts like it's fine to make that baby wait for the things he needs. Not only does he consistently send money late, but he PROMISED he'd buy some school clothes/supplies for Dylan to help us out. He didn't. Last Winter, he promised he'd buy D a new winter coat. He didn't. Shane took him up to a very nice western store and bought him a denim Carhardt coat. Very nice coat. We weren't even living together then. It was just a thoughtful gesture from a man that loves my son. XH never even acknowledged it. He acted like it was Shane's job to do that. And that's kind of lame considering there was no promise of a future between Shane and me at that point.

I know Shane and I should be more careful with our spending and other than the pawn thing, we have been. We haven't bought anything or gone anywhere except to Ft. Worth to see our nephew be born. Oh and we got Dylan's school supplies and shoes, but those were necessary. And on sale. We paid the bills we could, we bought food, and nothing else. Dylan had a dental appointment that cost us a fortune until the insurance company pays us back and again, that was unavoidable. It's just been a rought month and this of all times is not the time to be late with the only thing that will help feed his son.

I'm done worrying. I can't take it anymore.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 9:50am
Thanks, I'll check it out! I want to do whatever I can for Dylan.

Mel

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Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 6:32pm

Amen sistah! ;)


Same premise as keeping as many of your tax dollars through the year as you can.

Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 6:37pm

Okay, now after reading everyone else's posts I went back and re-read yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:16pm
Tara, you make a very good point for all of us with the gravy concept.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:13am
I have never posted here, but lurk very often. I am a divorced mother of three young children. I have been divorced for almost 6 years. In those six years, if I have gotten one check on time, it would be nothing short of a miracle. I have learned along the way.....do not, in any circumstance, count on that money. If it comes, then it is money in the bank, and maybe I can buy them a new pair of shoes, or some extra "treats" at the grocery that we don't normally buy.

More importantly though is how you handle the situation with your ex/or about your ex. You come across as being very bitter (and rightly so). That is control that you are letting him still have. Don't let him. I have come to terms with the fact that my es will never be the father that I want him to be, that he should be. Yes, in the end my children are the ones that suffer.......but they are not the only children to have come from a broken home, and with my help and perserverance, they will not only survive, they will thrive as young adults. I was making myslef a bitter person by letting him control my feelings. Let go of those feelings and get on with your new life, the life you will be sharing with someone new, and a new baby. No matter what you do or say, you can not make him be the father that he should. Without any negativity from you, your son will some day see who and what is father really is. He will see that mom has been there through thick and thin...........and really, in the end, that is all that matters.

Please consult an attorney. The best places to check for an inexpensive attorney is an Abused Women's Shelter, or one for women and families. Most of the time they can give you the names of those attorneys that will work for a reduced rate. I am in the legal field, and although don't know the child welfare laws of Texas, I am quite certain they are all fairly similar. The state where your child lives has jurisdiction, and therefore, the laws of that state are the laws that govern your child support. I don't believe in any state in the country a person can be fired for child support being withheld from an employee's paycheck. It is not a garnishment...it is a withholding. If you like you can e-mail me and I can give you tips on where to look on the internet for information regarding your state laws. If you can do alot of the leg work yourself, that will save you money in legal fees.

Good Luck. The Lord will never give you more than you are strong enough to handle.

ladydyan

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:34am
Thanks so much. I know I've been giving him control. It's hard. HE flat out refuses to do what I really need him to do, therefore, I'm stuck submitting to him instead. He decides he doesn't want to get out until later to meet me 150 miles away to get his son, so no matter how much I object to the late time, he says he won't leave until a certain time and if I decide to leave early, I'll just be waiting there until he gets there. Period. He's not willing to work with me to do what is right for Dylan. Now that I'm pregnant, I don't want the stress. I certainly don't need it. I doubt I'll consult an attorney until after the baby arrives just because I know he'll put up a fight and cause me to overstress. He could care less about my condition. He made that clear when he said if I got morning sickness, I would have to suck it up and drive anyway, bring a bucket to puke in, because he would see his son no matter what. I see it as putting myself, my baby and my 5 year old son in danger driving while sick, but he doesn't see how he can just get in his car and come to Texas where his mother is and see him there. I'll meet her so she can keep him for the weekend.

Luckily, I'm not sick and even if I were, I don't have to drive next weekend because XMIL is taking Dylan to Mississippi to see his father for Labor Day weekend and I'll just meet her in the next town to pick him up so they can go. By the time I have to drive again, I will be past the point where I'd be sick anyway. So I should be good to go. If not, he just has to live with that for a while. HE chose to live 300 miles away, HE chose to end the marriage by cheating.

I think I'd like to get whatever advice you can give me on seeking an attorney. I know my husband knows some, but I'd like outside resources too. Just to get an opinion from all sides and then make my final decision.

Thanks again!

Mel

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Avatar for mom_x_three
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:35am
I really think you need to take a step back...and look at the situation objectively. Taking out the extra expenses your family had this month, I think you'd be a lot less overwhelmed by the dates of the child support payments.

That being said...I agree with the others that you need to file for a modification. 1. to make sure the amount being paid is within guidelines, 2. to set up the payments through the CSEA, and 3. to define who is responsible for medical/dental bills that the insurance doesn't pay

Please know that he will most likely NEVER be ordered to pay back support on raises he's already gotten....the increase (if any is awarded) will only be retroactive back to the date you file for the modification.



Sherry<with 3 kids, 2 beautiful granddaughters

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:11pm
I'm going to jump in and agree here, he will most likely NOT be ordered to back pay.

Also, there is NO way he can be fired ANYWHERE in the states for having a child support order garnished from his cheque. NO WHERE. I know this because I work in the payroll department. You also cannot be fired for having creditors garnish your wages. It has nothing to do with your job, so they have no basis or allowance of firing you. And in most states, the employer has to file a statement of who is working for them, IN CASE THERE ARE OUTSTANDING CHILD SUPPORT ORDERS.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:29pm
I agree. He won't have to backpay. Also - although it sucks that he isn't more generous with his child, I never saw, working in family law for 15 months, anyone ever go forward and say "I got a raise - I want to up my child support." It just doesn't happen. I did see women have their ex's paystubs, tax returns, bank account records subpoenaed - and they did get the amount of support increased, but it was never retroactive - it was from that date forward.

TT pays the maximum amount of child support for one child per Nebraska law. Unless he was some multi-millionaire - his ex could subpoena all of his payroll records all she wants - he already pays the maximum. Him getting a raise doesn't raise the amount of his child support obligation since he already pays the maximum. And he has his wages garnished. Set that up himself. That way it's never late - and he likes it that way because he doesn't see the money so he doesn't miss it. And his wages being garnished doesn't give his ex any right or ability to see into his income. The money is simply garnished from his wages and dumped into her bank account. She sees nothing in terms of his income, and couldn't without a court order if she wanted to.

One thing that is bull and that an attorney can definitely help with is the insurance. It's common in every state for the father to provide the health insurance (normally the mother does only if she has far superior insurance) - and anything that isn't covered by health insurance is to be split, 50/50 between the parents.

All of this talk makes me so happy that I don't get any child support - and that I have a very generous ex-husband as far as our son is concerned. I never deal with any of this stuff. If he needs new shoes, a new jacket, or has surgery I simply say "I bought him a new winter coat and boots and gloves for when we go in the snow. It was $150.00" and he replies "cool. I'll pay for his tennis and swimming lessons for the next two months - or do you want a check?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:57pm
My X loves to act generous, but when the time comes to do what he said he'd do, he backs off or just doesn't do it thinking I'd not notice. Just like the whole winter coat thing. When I was a single parent, I had very little income. I made $8.50/hour and rarely got 40 hours in. I tried, but we'd close and there was no way for me to stay late to gather more time. Nothing left to do. I got a raise and relocation to $10.00/hour, but still that doesn't go too far with a child and daycare, food, clothes, etc. I had a few expenses, but nothing major. A cell phone I had from being married that I knew was a good idea to keep up and I still have it and a small credit card account that I paid extra on each month. Later, I bought a truck, but only because my car was dying and my daddy got me a good deal where he worked and my parents helped me with the payments.

I could have used any help X would have given me. He makes excellent money. Shane rakes money in, and we really shouldn't have money problems, but he has a lot of student loans as well as some credit problems that he's working on paying off. We still should have a bunch left at the month's end, but after some spending we shouldn't do, it ends up being pretty thin. Of course, I'm putting an end to that, gradually. Dinner out is nice, but no more clubs, no more 3 times a week ebay stuff. I already put a stop to him going to lunch every day. I send him with a lunch and he eats it. He might grab a Diet Dr. Pepper once in while, but normally, he will just have some cash on him to do that.

On a good note, Shane got the check for his bonus on Saturday. I cashed it and deposited it this morning. So the cell phone bill is paid, and we got a nice week's worth of groceries and have lots left over. I know the cell phone is a luxury item, but I'm sure we all have one. Plus it's nice to have in the case of an emergency. We're both on the same plan so it's actually cheaper than if I had my own account. Dropping my phone and ading me to his account saved us $100.00 a month.

I'm going to talk to some people about the child support matter. Shane is a bit bothered about me doing this because he knows how Scott gets. He's had to fight with him on the phone more times than he wanted to over his treatment of me. He knows if Scott throws a fit, Shane will be in the middle of it because I can't deal with him yelling at me.

Wish me luck getting this done. I don't want to hear the yelling, but if I end up getting the right amount each month fromnow on, it's worth his tantrum.

Mel

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