Let me tell you about love
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| Wed, 08-15-2007 - 7:01pm |
about the moon and stars above, it's what we've all been dreaming of, let me tell you about love....
SO, here's my "challenge" update. The weekend started off a little bit rocky. Actually, not entirely true.
For those who don't know, I'm getting ready for a new job, funnyguy and I are planning to move in to a new place (together officially), and I'm looking for a new car.
So Saturday we had one of his coworker's weddings to go to, a family friend of mine's calling hours to attend, and I at some point needed to get groceries and a few school clothes for the kids over the weekend.
In the end, we all went Friday night to get groceries, and managed to make it a trip for school stuff. We also went out to dinner, a somewhat rare treat. Saturday morning we did the calling hours, then dropped the princess with my parents. We came back to his place, got ready for the wedding, and went to that.
The wedding was fine, and the reception was fun. I hadn't met many of his coworkers and friends (the ones I have met weren't there), so it was nice to meet them. Evidently I passed, as by the time we left people were initiating conversation with me, and we were having fun.
After the wedding, my friends' band was playing, so we went to see them. funnyguy had to work early the next morning, so after a while he went home and I stayed to dance and hang out with my girlfriends. It was pretty much the perfect (but really long) day for us.
The only smear on the day was me finding a picture of his ex. At the time I brushed it off- I have tons of pictures from my wedding that I haven't gotten rid of. Although I can imagine it isn't particularly appealing to funnyguy to know that, he also knows it was a time in my life I can't simply erase, and those pictures will stay in their boxes tucked into the closet. I know the same about his marriage.
However, it kind of upset me. So the next day I told him, which is something I would normally never do. I initiated a conversation about something that was going to be unsettling for me at least. I simply told him that it was unnerving to find the picture. Somehow the conversation turned to a long talk about living together, and just making sure we were on the same page.
We talked about what it meant to each of us, this official step, and wrote out and agreed upon a budget. I'm so glad we did that, since I've never actually sat down with someone BEFORE I lived with them and discussed finances, who will be responsible for making sure the bills get paid, and what bills we'll split, what we'll keep seperate, and how we'll deal with unexpected expenses.
Having an agreement ahead of time is so important to me because I have seen how hard it is when one person makes assumptions and the other is making completely different assumptions about money. I'm determined not to ever be completely dependent upon anyone again, and I don't want there to be any surprises. Sharing our expenses and yet keeping our finances seperate is what works best for us, but more importantly, for me.
So since the weekend, we've been discussing openly what furnishings we'll keep, and there have been no arguments. funnyguy and I really are extremely similar in so many things, the only thing we ever have a hard time doing is making a decision. This wouldn't even be an issue except that we're so similar. I'm horrible at making a decision, and he's greatat letting me take my time, hash it out, both mentally and out loud, and while he's typically male in how he tries to offer solutions, he presents it well enough that I know he'll stand behind whatever decision I end up making- on my own.
So, as for the challenge, I would say that initiating a conversation about something that could have been a huge fight was a lot of work for me. However, it ended up bringing us closer together. Had I just let it lie, we would never have said out loud all the things we were feeling about moving in together. We never would have clarified all the money issues, and while we're very similar, it's just better to have that all out in the open.
This is the very first time in my life I've moved in with someone and really felt prepared to live with him. There are no secrets, there won't be any surprises, and I couldn't be happier. Unless of course I didn't actually have to move anything, but I guess that's asking for too much!
Moody, who feels great now

You should feel great now. Open communication is such a crucial piece of making any relationship work. Sounds like you guys are off to a terrific start.
I am so happy for you. While finding the picture was tough, it sounds like you turned it around into a positive opportunity for both of you. You're right neither of you can erase your past - or should you - for better or worse it played a part in becoming the person you are today. And that person is obviously wonderful!
Good luck as you embark on this new journey.
Wow - that is great that you two figured out a budget before hand. I agree that it is better to sort all of that out before you take the leap so that you don't end up in a fight in the middle of the stream so to speak.
Sounds like you had a really busy weekend - maybe you are resting now that you are back at work - eh? ;-)
Did you ever find a car?
And what are "calling hours"?
Actually, this week I'm training my replacement in my old position, so it is pretty restful!
Calling hours are the prelude to a funeral. I'm pretty sure it might be called something else elsewhere, but it's basically held either the evening before, or immediately prior to the actual funeral but is less formal and typically shorter.
As for the car, I'm still looking, I really do not like doing this, but I'm being pretty methodical about it this time instead of buying whatever looks cute. I'm actually even researching them, which is not at all like me.
Moody, heading out to work now
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I'm glad you guys are talking about stuff! It's so easy to get swept away with the highs of a relationship, and so easy to sweep the not-fun stuff under the rug or shelve it for another day. But I'm glad to hear you guys have talked about things (both emotional and non-emotional) and not ignoring/denying anything! Way to go, Moody!
Sounds like you'll have a relatively smooth transition into the living-together world, rather than diving in and finding a shock afterwards. Keep the updates coming!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Wow!!! Sounds like everyone is on the same page and you all are working together wonderfully. You seem very happy and it is a good relationship for you.
Congratulations.
Priscilla