Let's say......
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| Tue, 05-27-2008 - 4:45pm |
.....that your boyfriend (or girlfriend for you guys) of oh, about 1.5 years had a nasty wench ex FWB that would call him and talk inappropriately, creating drama and always trying to wedge her big broom butt into your relationship. She started calling again like three times a week...and calls him at WORK (no doubt because that is when she can get him without any worry that you are there, as you would get upset...go figure). Let's say that you had a conversation with said boyfriend about 10 days ago and he agree to tell her to stop calling him. Boyfriend said he would tell you when the conversation with wench happened, which he said would be "next time she calls me".
So 10 days later no word about wench calling, therefore no word about the "stop calling me" conversation. You call boyfriend at his work this morning and his line is tied up. You call back a while later and mention how busy he has been at work. He says yes, very busy. You ask if he has been doing a lot of work on the phone, he says no, why do you ask. You say, because your line was tied up for a while. He gives no explanation, only says he's been real busy and then asks about my day. You are very curious (OK..suspicious) because of the past and because no word yet on the conversation he was to have to end the calls.
Would you ask him directly? For example: "So has (wench) called you lately?"
Or would you not say a word and just keep waiting for him to say something?

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Pac, It is not worth living with such fear.. He is not doing justice to you by making you feel this way. I think you should ask casually and not make any scene and like Judy said- may be this time some snooping is in order and find out the truth and if he has been lying to you..really I would say you deserve much better.
You know, even as curious as I am, and even as much as I want to know, I would not feel right snooping. I think it would reduce our relationship to one without trust. I know what you all might think- I already don't trust him due to what I say in my post. But I am more in need of knowing (through his honesty) than in sneaking. Maybe I would be just as bad if I snooped. So I will rely on his honesty coupled with my gut.
Here's the thing.
If she was just talking/ chatting with him, that would be one thing- EVEN as a past FWB.
I'm livid.
I just got off the phone with him. It WAS her on the phone. And he did not offer that up voluntarily. I had to ask. He said he told her stop talking about this and that but he did not tell her to stop calling altogether. Basically he soft handed her.
I'm so mad I can't even tell you. I said to him that I trusted him and he did not follow through with his word. He had the audacity to say it would be mean to say "never call me again". I said "MEAN?
((((((((Hugs Pacific)))))))))))) I'm so sorry to hear that he WAS still talking to her. But I think we all suspected as such, and not that surprised. But it's still not good news. I hear ya on what you are feeling. I felt that way too- years ago when I was "not allowed" to meet Hiker's ex because SHE was uncomfortable with it. He was keeping us apart to spare HER feelings, and in the process, it was upsetting me. Eventually it worked out and I met her but for awhile it was a big strain on us because I just felt like he was protecting her when she isn't "his" to protect anymore. She was the one who left HIM!!!
Anyway- this isn't about me... I just wanted you to know that I know why you would feel so betrayed that BE seems to be standing up for her feelings more than for yours. This is not a door you guys haven't already walked through before... and I fear that he just won't follow through for whatever his reasons are. Even if he could lose you because of it.
But I'm proud of you for making your thoughts and feelings known to him. And I know you won't be putting yourself back into the spot of a doormat within a relationship again. We've all done that at some point, and we all know how that isn't healthy to do.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
~shrimpy
It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Oh Sweetie - I am SO FURIOUS AT HIM!!!!!!!! Thats total bull.
((((((hugs)))))))
Pac, Huggs.. Since he did not offer the info upfrot there is definitely something in the conversation(s) that he feels like hiding. I would take a firm stand here. Fact is whatever you say you cant follow around these two people making sure they dont talk. It is HIS job to make you feel sure. Not your job to make him stop talking with her.
I think this is something that would make me DUMP him real fast. Are you worried inside that if you walk away temporarily even BroomHilda will start making her presence more strong? Really there is no competetion between the two of you. You should not have to feel this way. or You or we here dont really understand what really holds him to her. That would scare me even more when I feel like I cant completely understand a guy in such matters and not be sure of how he will respond to a given situation in life.
((((()))))) I am so sorry pac-sun.
I am so impresssed with your resolve and standing your ground with this for as much as you love him and want to be with him - had to have been difficult.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
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