Let's say......

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Let's say......
45
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 4:45pm

.....that your boyfriend (or girlfriend for you guys) of oh, about 1.5 years had a nasty wench ex FWB that would call him and talk inappropriately, creating drama and always trying to wedge her big broom butt into your relationship. She started calling again like three times a week...and calls him at WORK (no doubt because that is when she can get him without any worry that you are there, as you would get upset...go figure). Let's say that you had a conversation with said boyfriend about 10 days ago and he agree to tell her to stop calling him. Boyfriend said he would tell you when the conversation with wench happened, which he said would be "next time she calls me".


So 10 days later no word about wench calling, therefore no word about the "stop calling me" conversation. You call boyfriend at his work this morning and his line is tied up. You call back a while later and mention how busy he has been at work. He says yes, very busy. You ask if he has been doing a lot of work on the phone, he says no, why do you ask. You say, because your line was tied up for a while. He gives no explanation, only says he's been real busy and then asks about my day. You are very curious (OK..suspicious) because of the past and because no word yet on the conversation he was to have to end the calls.


Would you ask him directly? For example: "So has (wench) called you lately?"


Or would you not say a word and just keep waiting for him to say something?

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 12:32pm

Yes...when he did not offer up this information up front I call that dishonesty. He had something to conceal and that makes me back off. And you're right, I can't follow them around. He has to want to do this, not be pushed.


To be honest, if wouldn't care if broom hilda got her claws into him if I left him. That would be his punishment. And thats the thing- I've seen her and I know about her. She is and unstable drama queen who can't stand alone and looks to me that she got him in the face with the ugly stick. What is the hold????


Thanks for your words, Dance. It feels so good to have you all here.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 12:34pm

Thanks for your encouragement, Mom UK.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 12:41pm

M-


You nailed it. There ARE a boatload of issues attached to BE and I swear to GOd it feels like I am constantly fighting for a secure place in this relationship. Seems they enable each other at your expense. Yes, you are right and I've been optimistic that we can work things through. But I'm sore and tired and worn and friggin resentful that he won't open his eyes.


Yep, it was my gut. And you know what else he said? It was something on the lines of "I don't know how you always know" referring to how I instinctively know when she has been calling him. Womens intuition is an incredible thing, isn't it?


and you should never have to get "used to" feeling like youve been run over by a truck for loving someone...


Thank you for saying that. It's how I feel- like we go through these issues and I end up feeling like I got ran over. I'm thinking love should not feel like this much of a struggle. I don;t want to have to constantly work so hard at this.


LOL...I needed that laugh (the witch on the pole)! Priceless. Thanks, M.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 12:46pm

Hey Isys-


Well to be honest this morning I am wondering if all the man training is worth the work too. I tired and worn!


I'm glad that you mentioned your friend who puts up with her husband doing all that crap for his ex gf. I so do not want that!! I won't have that! That really shows how things can get out of hand of just let be.


He promises and promises not to be in contact with her, but it continues.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 12:51pm

Ouch is right. And even more so than pain right now I feel anger. Which is, admittedly, a better feeling than pain.


Its pretty funny you mentioned the dishonesty. Becasue his not saying anything was a huge white lie. I called him at work, and he admitted last might he know I was hinting that I knew she called, yet he ommitted that piece of information. White lie, whatever, it is dishonest.


they justify it by saying they're protecting your feelings.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 12:52pm

Thanks for the hugs, Cat. I can use every hug sent my way..


Your words mean alot.


:o)

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 12:53pm

I appreciate that, Judy. I know I deserve to be put first in the relationship, over some ex FWB's feelings.


And if things end for good this time, I will know it was not me. It was his choice.


Hugs for your understanding,. thank you.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 12:55pm

Your situation is so much like my friend's it's not funny.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 1:06pm

I think he just gets off on being the "hero" and having a woman depending on him with no strings attached.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 1:08pm
Oh yeah the whole deal sucks.