Lightbulb! Re: Heartbreaker

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Lightbulb! Re: Heartbreaker
3
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:32am

I had a lightbulb moment regarding Heartbreaker today.


Last night I was chatting it up with this guy who had the strangest views on love and relationships. Apparently he loves the idea of his woman flirting with his friends, and his friends drooling over his woman and assured me that EVERY man is like this. Well, I have a really hard time believing that! I even asked a few guy friends last night and they just laughed. Said well yah its nice when your friends think your woman is beautiful but thats about it.


Anyway.. I told this guy about 4-5 times "I'm not the one for you" or "I'm totally not your type of woman". Then it dawned on me this morning... how many times have I ever said that to someone? The only time I've ever said that is when they were a bit to freaky for me in some way or another. Just a polar opposite view than me on something really major like THAT. And to me... wanting me to dress like a slut and bend over in front of your friends is cough, kinda major lol.


So... I started thinking about everything that Heartbreaker said to me, and his ridiculous wanna be angry porn sex and I really think thats it. This whole "I'm not the man for you" thing has got to be the fact that he knows thats not a game I want to play. I even wonder if pulling all those stunts that night could of possibly been a test to see if I was able to hang with that kind of play. My aching body the next day votes NO! lol.


And honestly, this was a thought in the back of my head when he split with me. I thought to myself.. I wonder if he has some strange sexual fantasy that I just don't fit into or something? lol. Weird?


And no, I am not pining over Heartbreaker. However, I have had it in my head what was said in the loneliness thread all day yesterday "I know what I"m missing" I don't miss him.. I miss the way he made me feel. The closer I get to that feeling (medic) or with every failed date or failed fling (King of hearts dating some new woman) it just made me more and more lonely. I think everything that has happened lately just made that whole "what I'm missing" so much stronger in my mind.


Also, coming to accept that the failed relationship between heartbreaker and myself had nothing to do with me, and my shortcomings is therapeutic for me.. it really is.


However, there is a downside to having no heartbreaker in my life... I was just looking at the list of musicals coming to Charlotte next year and OMG!!! He and I both loved musicals.. I need to find someone to go with!! LOL. Rent, Legally Blonde, Chicago, Mamma Mia, Phantom of the Opera! Oooohhhh all that musical goodness is making me squirm!!!




Edited 9/16/2008 9:35 am ET by trauma_junkie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 6:42pm
Great revelation!! And if we lived in the same city I would totally go to the musicals with you! They all come here and I have no one to go with. Boo on that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 9:26pm

Hang in there.

I am trying to decide what to do about the guy I have been dealing with, too. I know how I want to feel, I just am not sure that this guy is going to deliver. And as much as knowing that I could have a permanent Friday date for the next few months is nice, I just don't know if I would be wasting it on this fellow, or if I am better off watching Netflix movies with DD.

Plus, you don't want to deal with freakazoids with anger issues. Testing is for school, not for relationships.

It's hard enough trying to do it all with the kids and job, much less a "not 100% with you" guy adding to the drama.

Wish I lived near you...you could be my Friday date instead (yeah, I like boys better, but you know what I mean)!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 7:56am

Hey i love musicals I'm in only 3 hrs away. my best friend lives in Clover SC....if you ever need a date let me know.


Hugs


JL