on line Date chatting with your Kid???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
on line Date chatting with your Kid???
16
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 12:01am

Hey Guys,
I have only been talking on the phone with this guy Since 3/21/08 and we finally met for a lunch date on 3/25/08. We had some nice conversations and really hit it off on the date. Well my 12 year son responded to one of his IM's that he sent me and then the guy have a conversation with my son. He called to tell me what happen, however after reviewing the chat he could have told him to just speak with your mom or something, but he then said " I won't tell your mother about our little talk".... I immediately talked to my son about it and then I told the Guy that next time this happens he need to instruct my son to speak with me and think that we shouldn't talk anymore.(I really like this guy) However I called back that evening and told him that maybe I over reacted and that I am new to dating and very cautious about my children. That I did tell my son what he did was wrong for responding to my IM. Well tonight the guy called and informed I made him feel like a child molester???
I was like I am even like this with my own father. (If my father has anything to say to my son he has to say it in my presence) THEN he goes on to tell me that 6 years ago he was accused of molesting a child because of him not giving her the grade that she wanted. But then he said that she had a crush on him, but the investigation charges were dropped.
that he thought I was a wonderful person, but those words of maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore crushed him. And that was worth dealing with the 12 year old son trying to protect me. But he has to pray on it. He wants to keep in touch blah blah blah. So now I am like should I just move on. This a very weird that he automatically felt like a molester by my statements??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:09am

I have not posted much, but could not help it here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 8:48am

I would totally NEXT him for something like that. It is very inappropriate that he would have a conversation with your son and then tell him not to tell you. I would feel that to keep dating him would be to put my son at risk and perhaps he is really more into kids? That is too scary.

There was a documentary that showed that child molesters do seek single mothers with kids. This is not something we all encounter on a daily basis, but it does exist. The pattern was for the man to really woo the woman in person but then to go after the kids. It is just too scary.

I don't like how he IMed your son, asked for secrecy and then tried to put you on the defensive for what is a very natural reaction by a mom. I know you liked him and you want to have a nice date - but I really don't think you should go any further with this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 9:20am

It's only been a week--there are too many guys out there for you to settle on one that may or may not be preying on your son.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 10:20am

Hello,


I know this is crazy..... I told him him not to contact me anymore... JUST crazy. I was like maybe since you don't have kids you don't know but you never supposed to do that. I even told him that he wouldn't meet my kids 6-8 months and then to do something like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 12:54pm

I'm sure that having been accused- whether falsely or not- of child molestation in the past he's more sensitive to any suggestion that he was preying on a child.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:15pm

Hey Guys,


We had our last conversation today.. And we both agreed that we have to step away from the convo. I told him that for him to get upset at me for trying to protect my child was very dishearting and that after dicussing this with other mothers with

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:22pm

Girls, Thanks for your feedback. After our conversation this afternoon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:37pm

If he had nothing to hide he wouldn't have reacted so badly, he would've been very understanding and reassuring, and then left you alone.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:40pm
I agree. He is "outa there" with an express stamp!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 2:30pm
Alsion wrote:
"I'm sure that having been accused- whether falsely or not- of child molestation in the past he's more sensitive to any suggestion that he was preying on a child. But that should make him more wary of being on the up-and-up, not more secretive, right?"
This is exactly what my first thought was. People who are truly innocent dont react as badly as he did. I am so happy for you that you nexted this guy. He should know better and I bet he does but just hopes other people dont. I get the creepy vibe from what you wrote and I think any single mom would have sent him packing. Anyone knows you dont have a private conversation with someone's kid and tell them not to talk to their own mother about it. And as an educator he should have been trained this already. And since he was accused of child molestation he should have received more training to make sure he didnt cross the same boundaries even if he was innocent. So he has NO EXCUSE except for that he truly is a predator and was hoping you wouldnt notice. Thank God you dodged this bullet!!
HUGS
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