on line Date chatting with your Kid???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
on line Date chatting with your Kid???
16
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 12:01am

Hey Guys,
I have only been talking on the phone with this guy Since 3/21/08 and we finally met for a lunch date on 3/25/08. We had some nice conversations and really hit it off on the date. Well my 12 year son responded to one of his IM's that he sent me and then the guy have a conversation with my son. He called to tell me what happen, however after reviewing the chat he could have told him to just speak with your mom or something, but he then said " I won't tell your mother about our little talk".... I immediately talked to my son about it and then I told the Guy that next time this happens he need to instruct my son to speak with me and think that we shouldn't talk anymore.(I really like this guy) However I called back that evening and told him that maybe I over reacted and that I am new to dating and very cautious about my children. That I did tell my son what he did was wrong for responding to my IM. Well tonight the guy called and informed I made him feel like a child molester???
I was like I am even like this with my own father. (If my father has anything to say to my son he has to say it in my presence) THEN he goes on to tell me that 6 years ago he was accused of molesting a child because of him not giving her the grade that she wanted. But then he said that she had a crush on him, but the investigation charges were dropped.
that he thought I was a wonderful person, but those words of maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore crushed him. And that was worth dealing with the 12 year old son trying to protect me. But he has to pray on it. He wants to keep in touch blah blah blah. So now I am like should I just move on. This a very weird that he automatically felt like a molester by my statements??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:01pm

Hello Guys,
This is the email that he sent me.....

This will be my last time contacting you. And I ask that you don't contact me anymore either. I apologize for the way that I behaved on our date. I behaved that way because I thought we were at that point. I see now that we were not. I am a man of integrity, believe it or not. I am sorry that you didn't have a chance to see it. I thank you for the opportunity to meet you and all the lessons that I learned from you. FOR THE RECORD....I have never placed my hands on a child and never will.

Thank you for your time and I hope that you will find a man that will be up for the challenge. Please make sure that you let him know EVERYTHING from day one....about your son and your feelings about interactions with your children in great detail. Always log off of messenger when you leave the room or lock the pc when you are away from the computer.

By the way, after our experience I now know that I will not try internet dating again. May you find happiness and a wonderful man. I do believe that you are a wonderful woman and deserve happiness.

This will be my last communication with you and please don't write back. I would not like any further communication. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:08pm

UGH - he has issues - he is so guilty or he would not need to be so defensive.

I have dated so many guys online and NONE have ever asked to IM or speak to my son or interact with him in any way except to say hi to him when we were all together. NONE would ever ask him to do anything and not tell me - that is totally not normal.

I would delete him permanently and DO NOT Have any further contact with him.

Sorry for the disappointment but you made a very good and safe decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:15pm

"Thank you for your time and I hope that you will find a man that will be up for the challenge."


Oh PUH-LEEEEZE!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:28pm
GOOD POINTS Ali!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:33pm

It really bothers me that he feels he has to say things like "I have never placed my hands on a child".

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:45pm

Oh wow... even if we hadn't seen any of the warning flags before... this final email from him sure is loaded with them!!! Don't ever feel bad that you don't want to see him again. I think he is creepy... and even if he isn't a pedophile- his whole reaction to you and all of this, is just a BIT defensive for someone who has nothing to hide.


He really seems intent on you not contacting him again, doesn't he??? I think what the other person said was right... he is a bit freaked that you might turn him in or "follow him" and keep track of him and what he is up to. And to claim he won't ever do online dating again?? I bet he will still be trolling online. He just might take a break from match- as YOU might be there watching. And his secret wasn't safe with your son the way he hoped it would be. He couldn't even get his 'nest' built because you saw into it and tore it down.


It's odd that he can be laying on the sweetness and compliments even as he was defending himself and trying to make his getaway as quick as possible.


~shrimpy, definitely learning to spot the signs after spending years on the boards

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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