A little about why...
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A little about why...
| Wed, 04-27-2005 - 9:56am |
Some of you asked me why this guy? Well, it's not like i'm obsessed with him...I just feel like good men are special. And plus a close friend of mine told me that if I wanted something(like him) then I should fight for it. And a close guy friend of mine told me that guys like it when you pursue them(but i'd never take it to an extreme), yet somehow it seems that maybe their advice has been a little off. And why I'm asking you all and my 2 friends what I should do is because I have really only been in one real relationship and it was long and bad and I am just not the greatest around guys I'm interested in. Usually, I am pretty shy and I can never think of anything to talk about but the obvious.:)It's sad I know.

Hey Jen,
Just some random thoughts about your post.
In any other situation fighting (or working hard) for what you want is great advice. But when another person's wants, emotions are involved...you can't make it happen all on your own. I've found it's better to make yourself available and see what happens.
Good men are special, but there are lots more than just this one.
Some men like it when you pursue them. Some don't. And most men, just like with women... don't want to be "pursued" by someone they're not interested in.
Sometimes men like to be pursued because it makes it easy for them, they may not particularly want YOU, but easy is good.
There are lots of possibilities when people are involved.
It sounds like building your confidence and self esteem would be the best place to start. If you feel you're "not too good" around guys you like...being more secure in yourself would help that.
If you want to meet up with this guy, you're going to have to find a tactful way to do it. Is there ANY REASON you would need to contact him or his family member about something? Do you guys go to the same church or some other "common place"? I am not saying you have to do all of this right away, but if you get an opportunity to have him notice you - don't miss it. Till that opportunity comes, in the meantime, keep your eyes open for someone that might be trying to get your attention.
Jen,
I think you're focused so much on this guy because of what you HOPE could be. You said that he was flirty with you- but flirty doesn't mean "I'm really interested in you and want to date you". If he had wanted to get to know you better he would have already. You've known him for a long time- so he's had alot of opportunity to ask you out. Trying to fix up situations where you would just *happen* to run into him will be too forced and you would be even more anxious around him.
You're looking and wanting a *good* man so desparately that you've fixated on this one because you don't have any real possibilities around- so you've got this one up on a pedastal. You've envisioned your romance with him so perfectly and what a great guy he will be to you- but it's not real. That's where you're going to run smack into reality when you next talk to him and he's a jerk to you- then you're going to say he's "just another jerk in the woodpile".
You need to stop looking at every guy you meet as your next husband. What you should be doing is saying, "hey, I want to make some new friends and learn more about my self, so that I will have confidence." Spend the next few weeks chatting up everyone everywhere you go, in line at the supermarket, at work, on the bus, etc. Talk about the obvious, give someone a compliment, ask someone the time- once you get in the habit, you will feel more at ease talking and it will become second nature- and will make you seem more approachable to a guy who's interested...
But for now, don't worry about meeting up with this guy or "going after him". If it is meant to happen it will, but not because you're hanging out at the corner waiting for him. Relax and open yourself up to the possibilities.
Alison