"Little" surprises on the first date

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
"Little" surprises on the first date
11
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 1:21am

Have you had any "little" surprises on the first date?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 7:24am

Of all the surprises I have experienced on the first date - lied about the age, looks older than the picture, shorter, heavier, etc. I have never experienced one like this. I do remember a guy telling me he was impotent from prostate cancer - which seemed like a shock but that is not something like this staring you in the face.

I guess with the cancer and his situation, along with your theory to make him an activity partner, you can get over it.

But that is a shock.

And it seems a shame that he has to be stuck with that - I cannot imagine them pulling all his teeth for that treatment - that is really hard on him and really sad.

I guess after my shock I would have total empathy for him. I guess at the very least he would understand what you are going through with your exh and his cancer.

Did you enjoy talking to him? What does he eat? I guess he would have to blend his meals - I had to do that one time when my jaw was wired shut (horse accident when I was 20).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 10:23am

Oh wow Soonee... You've had some crazy experiences, haven't you?!??


I'm wondering the same thing as West... does he have to blend his foods?! How do you eat out on a date, if he has no teeth?? I would think that could definitely be a problem! Talk about a lifestyle issue that makes it hard to be away from home.


The only experience I've ever had, that is even remotely close to that, is with Marlboro Man (about 4 yrs ago). He mentioned that he had a "disability" before we met (he didn't hide that fact in his OLD profile) but he didn't get into just WHAT that disability was. When I met him, it turns out that he is partly paralyzed on his right side (result of a major head injury when he was in high school). He could walk without assistance, but had a limp. He had no use of his right arm, but compensated fine with his only his left. It amazed me to watch him tie shoes with only one hand!!!!


I found him an inspiration because my DS, MonkeyButt... has cerebral palsy (from birth)- and is partially paralyzed on his left side. So I watch Marlboro Man and wonder if MonkeyButt would be about to do some of the same things later- and function just fine. But because they both walk with a limp, we used to laugh that people watching us might think that he and MonkeyButt had something that was genetic (because no one would be able to tell just by looking, that we weren't 'family')!


We dated for about 6 months, but unfortunately, simple inspiration isn't enough to carry a relationship! I broke up with him for many other reasons. But the whole disability part was not the issue!


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 1:41pm

Oh dear- I'm sorry, I just had to LAUGH!


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 6:24pm
OMG, that sounds like something that would happen to me!!
Stephanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 7:58pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 9:35pm

That is such a shame that he can't get artificial teeth or do any thing about it. I wonder if he can drink Ensure or something like that at social functions.

His story sure makes us all appreciate what we have - that we are well and we have the most basic things like teeth and our health.

You were most gracious to handle the evening with him as you did. It sounds to me like he should do more things with the cancer crowd because they would be more understanding.

Is he cured - or does he still have more to worry about - but I guess with cancer that is the golden question that no one ever really knows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 12:01am

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 1:38am

Wow, what a shock that must have been! But it says a lot about your character that you didn't immediately blow him off or leave. An occasional dance partner, why not! Very skinny and no teeth would have immediately made me think meth head, but given his cancer treatment history, I can understand the side effects. It is sad that they can't fit him with replacements.


Blue eyes is very lucky. I like to remind him how blessed he is. He went through a very long and rough chemo/radiation regimen. He lost all his hair..every single hair except for his eyelashes. He got thin also but now he is normal weight again and all his hair is back. The only long term effect chemo had on him was that it made him look just a few years older. That could have been the stress, too. Plus he had just turned 49. These days he looks great and i honestly look at him, how healthy he looks, and I am in wonder!


I think either the call OR the note would be fine, no need for both. Especially since you're not going for dating or romance. For friends and the occasional dance night, one or the other should be just fine.


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 4:55am
I think he genuinely appreciated your company and your acceptance and wanted to tell you that and wanted to chat. But both is a bit disconcerting and to me would indicate he might want more than an activity partner. I guess you will have to watch and see.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 9:41am

Soonee, I am tagging along with Judy here- because I think the same way! I think he sent 2 notes because he appreciated your company- AND he is interested in more. And you, of course... think that the 2 notes is "too much" and over the top, because you are NOT wanting more with him! Had you found that he attracted you in ways you haven't experienced in years... had you left the evening wanting to see him again... then the 2 notes would've been

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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