Live-in bf "not a family guy"
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| Fri, 03-07-2008 - 3:35pm |
Hello all,
My boyfriend moved in with my son and I about 6 months ago. He's got no kids, and as I just found out...never wanted any.
In the beginning I put so much energy into "making sure HE was okay with me having kids"...um..I forgot to put the same energy into finding out that he didn't ever want any. He had told me he was "undecided".
I do not ask him to do anything for my child. In fact, I'm ashamed to realize what a free ride he gets in our relationship. He has shown me time and time again that whatever he wants to do comes first; and that it's all according to the needs and wants of his friends.
Example: I asked him to watch my son ONCE on a Saturday when I had to work. He refused b/c his friends wanted him to go to the movies and shopping/dinner. Not only do I NOT get invited to these sorts of things (which leaves me spending most of my Saturday nights alone...once my son is in bed at 8pm); but he said he would not ask his friends to rearrange the plans a bit until I got off work. (They wanted to go at 3:30, I got off at 5:30) He said I was selfish to even ask him that and "how could he possibly inconvenience 3 other people like that?"
He also has recently said "I'm just not a family guy. I know I'm the right guy for you, but not for your family...but I want to be. I just don't know how."
"I get tired of being around your son. I just get so annoyed."
"I value my time with you and him, but I like my time to myself and with my friends more".
He has done so many passive aggressive and downright verbally/emotionally abusive things. It's excruciatingly painful how much my son adores him..with hesitation.
How long do I give this guy to show me some respect; make me a priority; care about my child?
I know the answer, I'm just looking to hear it again and again from others. I'm not trying to fool myself or find an excuse to stay, I guess I just need to not feel alone in the opinion that this isn't the right guy for me. I need some outside perspective to make me feel like I wouldn't be giving up too easily or not "standing by my man".
Thanks.

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lol
Step 1: Obtain fabulous new job.
Step 2: Throw his clothes out on the lawn. (actually we live in a loft on a city street..which might even be more fun!)
Step 3: Borrow stilettos and kick his arse to the curb.
Step 4: Reclaim myself and tell my son I'm sorry for the mistake I made, and show him that it will NEVER happen again.
GOOD JOB!
My heart was sad for your little boy - he is 6 and that is the sweetest age - and to think that he accepted your bf and thought he was cool - and then the bf is such an immature and selfish jerk - that is horrible.
Welcome - stick around and you will like it here. Good luck with finding another job - hopefully this one is even better - and then yes - you can dump him after that. I say take care of you and your child first. Always!
Thank you.
It breaks my heart too b/c my little man is SO affectionate and loving, and not a difficult child at all (I'm very lucky). He hasn't done anything to the BF except just care about him.
WHY is that so "difficult" for the BF? I mean, gimme a break!
I told the BF.."If the worst problem you have is some people who love you and have invited you to be a part of their family...then you're doing pretty damn well."
But I should have known, looking at his own family. His Dad is one of those grumpy, stoic types who will have his ass at home all day..while his wife is working. She comes home and he says "Where's my supper?"
He's a horrible man. My BF can be very, very, very sweet..but I'm afraid some of these influences have leaked in. :(
As a single mom too, I have two words for
I look at people's family-of-origin to understand who they are and where they are coming from.
I know everyone could beat me up when I say this...but the reason I "settled" was because:
1. I didn't see his true colors until recently.
2. I thought I was soooooooooo smart when I met him and had been through enough crappy relationships to recognize someone who was so UNcrappy...and then he turned out crappy. I guess what I feel worst about is maybe losing confidence in myself and my ability to pick 'em, and sort out the crappy ones.
Maybe I've hung on this long b/c giving up meant my complete and total failure to be a good judge of character; when I thought I'd done so much work to become a great one.
Ugh.
Anyway, for me and my son...it's over. No regrets. Just forward motion.
Just to prove it - I'm going to keep updating everyone on here so maybe my story can inspire another gal out there in a similar spot. I would hope that something useful and good could come of all this :)
Yeah, I come from a very dysfunctional background. I feel very lucky and proud though, to have recognized it and done something about it a long time ago.
I think that's what I feel a personal failure about - not seeing the dysfunction in his life before it involved my son.
Lesson learned.
Hello again!
I have been in your situation and have unfortunately had to "live and learn" this one out - it hurts and makes you feel so foolish after
Is it wrong for me not to say anything and to just make my emancipation plan in silence until I can afford a place for myself and my son?
Heck no!
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