Live-in bf "not a family guy"
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| Fri, 03-07-2008 - 3:35pm |
Hello all,
My boyfriend moved in with my son and I about 6 months ago. He's got no kids, and as I just found out...never wanted any.
In the beginning I put so much energy into "making sure HE was okay with me having kids"...um..I forgot to put the same energy into finding out that he didn't ever want any. He had told me he was "undecided".
I do not ask him to do anything for my child. In fact, I'm ashamed to realize what a free ride he gets in our relationship. He has shown me time and time again that whatever he wants to do comes first; and that it's all according to the needs and wants of his friends.
Example: I asked him to watch my son ONCE on a Saturday when I had to work. He refused b/c his friends wanted him to go to the movies and shopping/dinner. Not only do I NOT get invited to these sorts of things (which leaves me spending most of my Saturday nights alone...once my son is in bed at 8pm); but he said he would not ask his friends to rearrange the plans a bit until I got off work. (They wanted to go at 3:30, I got off at 5:30) He said I was selfish to even ask him that and "how could he possibly inconvenience 3 other people like that?"
He also has recently said "I'm just not a family guy. I know I'm the right guy for you, but not for your family...but I want to be. I just don't know how."
"I get tired of being around your son. I just get so annoyed."
"I value my time with you and him, but I like my time to myself and with my friends more".
He has done so many passive aggressive and downright verbally/emotionally abusive things. It's excruciatingly painful how much my son adores him..with hesitation.
How long do I give this guy to show me some respect; make me a priority; care about my child?
I know the answer, I'm just looking to hear it again and again from others. I'm not trying to fool myself or find an excuse to stay, I guess I just need to not feel alone in the opinion that this isn't the right guy for me. I need some outside perspective to make me feel like I wouldn't be giving up too easily or not "standing by my man".
Thanks.

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Bravo!!!
Everything you said there makes perfect sense- I get a strong feeling that you know instinctively what is right here, and you are following that inner wisdom. You will do this and it makes me so happy to read that after this is all over you can talk to your son in a way that lets him know you are always there for HIM...number one. Yay!!
lol
Thank you...I feel stronger and braver because of all the great advice and encouragement of everyone on this board. :)
Super! Think and mutter "strong and brave, strong and brave" and smile and hang in there til you can leave. Whatever he does now is fine - because soon HIS coach is going to turn to a miserable single pumpkin - and you will be free to go to the ball to find a real prince -
Stay positive and hang in there!! And keep us posted!!
(edited to correct typo)
Edited 3/11/2008 7:06 pm ET by cl-west1745
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