To Live or Not to Live....
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To Live or Not to Live....
| Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:26am |
Hi All,
I wanted to get everyone's thoughts on moving in with your SO. While your dating (any period of time), engaged or after your married? With children involved.
I wanted to get everyone's thoughts on moving in with your SO. While your dating (any period of time), engaged or after your married? With children involved.
I think you should have the relationship established and engaged to be married if you decide to move in together. What do you think about combining households?
TIA,
Jenn

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Hi Jenn
I know I'm probably in the minority here but I don't think you have to be engaged to live together or married.
But the part that keeps them happiest is that we are engaged. We didn't move in together until we were engaged and no one knew of our plans to co-habitate until the ring was in place on my finger. We had been talking about it a long time. Shane's belief was that he needed to be respectful of everyone's thoughts when approaching this subject and didn't want anyone to think we were just shacking up. I thought that was so thoughtful and sweet.
Now our wedding is in 16 days!
Good question! Bet you'll get a lot of great responses.
Mel
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Mel
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Hi Jenn,
The answer would be as individual as the couple who asks themselves this question.
I agree with you for sure. I believe that at the VERY least. For me personally, I waited until I was married. That was my personal choice. And my DH and I are VERY glad we held off. It was the example I wanted to set for my ds, and the way I wanted to start off with my husband. There were quite a few people who gave us a hard time, and thought we were a little odd. "Why are you living with your GRANDMA? You're getting married in handful of months, Becky has a whole house to herself for them. Why are you not just moving there?"
But, it worked for the best and I wouldn't have made a different decision.
Personally, Shane and I had to think hard about whether to go for it or to wait. He was very worried about how family would react, but we put those thoughts to rest and did what WE felt was right for us. They would still love us either way even if they didn't necessarily feel it was the right move. And we would have had to move in together anyway since he moved over here (over an hour from where I lived). It just works better for us.
I think it's an individual choice and feel like if someone chooses to wait, that's great. If they want to live together, great. Whatever works for you is what is right.
Mel
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michelle
Mom/Stepmom/Grammy to
Tatyana - 16
Jesse - 11
Tyler - 7
Noel - 6
Jeffery - 4
Jonathan - 3
Serenity - 2
For me personally, I wouldn't want to 'have a trial' run with kids involved. You're either going to get married or not. Things like toilet seats and cleaning chores should be talked about and resolved as you go on. It's not like someone's going to walk out because of how they squeeze the tooth paste tube. Serious things like child rearing and how to deal with job loss and health issues and aging parents, they should be talked about at length before you make a commitment. I hate it when people say kids are resilient and they'll bounce back. Leave it as a theory and don't drag the kids in and out of relationships with you. I've got one very depressed high school student suffering through his mom's split right now. He's not taking it well AT ALL. He's depressed, he's in therapy, he's skipping classes...he's a really nice kid and it's awful to see him go through this.
Bay, I'm sorry to hear about your son.
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