Living together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Living together?
7
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 5:18pm
I have just recently moved in with my boyfriend with my 3 year old daughter. My ex says he is taking me back to court because she does not need to be living with us in sin (which he has his girlfriend stay overnight with him while my daughter is there!!!) My boyfriend loves her very much and is patient with her when I am not the most patient person in the world. We spend a tremendous amount of time with our kids (he has a 6 year old). What is your opinion? He said that he was going to have papers served to me soon so we can go to court- I replied to him that we will be married before the court date is probaly set- Do you think the courts would frown about us living together prior to marriage?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: mlowrey
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:03pm

If I was you, I would talk to a lawyer just to be sure. Most will talk for free on the phone regarding something like this.

For some reason, I feel inclined to say that your exh is blowing hot air. He CAN take you to court for anything - but the question is will it be considered or thrown out?

I have heard that once you have custody set it is pretty hard to undo it - he would have to prove you are an unfit mother or you put your child at risk - which doesn't sound like the case. Lots of people live together so it isn't like the bogged down courts would be concerned with that. If he was married and more wealthy and could provide better for the child he might be able to make a stand and that is something you have to worry about.

If he is litigious in nature - meaning tends to take you to court a lot that also means he would probably do that. And in this case if I was you, I would be talking to a lawyer for sure.

I had a circumstance where my exh wanted to redo the custody and child support. So I had an indepth conversation with my lawyer. Who then asssumed and advised that my situation is good and I have nothing to worry about - but indeed that the exh could take me to court and I have no control over that but we will have to deal with it if that happens. So far so good - I think he was blowing steam.

Good luck! I am sure others will post here to help as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: mlowrey
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:42pm

Unless your child is in danger- ie your partner was charged with child molestation in the past, then your ex has no business in your business.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
In reply to: mlowrey
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 9:42pm

Honestly, I should preface this by saying that I know absolutely nothing about courts.

However, i think it's such common practice for people to live together, some never ever get married, and it isn't 1950- I really can't see that being the only reason a judge would change custody.

I also think your ex is simply trying to scare you. He's probably jealous- a lot of people have the "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you, either" mentality.

If you know your daughter is well loved, it's a safe, happy environment for her, and that you truly love your boyfriend, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I also would not marry again unless I had lived with a man first, so maybe I'm just biased based on my own opinions.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Moody, not marrying or moving in anytime soon


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: mlowrey
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 1:46pm

One word of caution. I don't know where you live, but in some states it is still illegal to live together as man and wife if you aren't married. No one will usually make a stink about it but I would check to make sure. It may not make any difference as far as custody (especially if he is doing pretty much the same thing) but you could be charged with a crime if he makes a big enough fuss. Sorry to be a wet blanket.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: mlowrey
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 7:07pm
Check with your lawyer. Some places are still very conservative. It's not likely that you would have custody reversed, but he could win greatly increased visitation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
In reply to: mlowrey
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 6:04pm
I spoke with my lawyer about this topic. He said courts do care if a mother or father is living with a boyfriend/girlfriend and spending time with the child. The argument is that the real father should be spending that time with the child instead of a boyfriend. Don't ask me why - it makes no sense to me. However, if your bf has been active in the child's life and you can prove that, it should be easier. I hope this helps! Exes are such a pain in the ass!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: mlowrey
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:18am

I too say call him on it.

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