Lonely
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| Fri, 07-06-2007 - 11:33am |
I am beginning to get very lonely. My M was much like roommates that didn't speak the last couple of years and it has been over a year since he moved out. I really would like some companionship and intimacy. I haven't really dated much and I'm feeling like I need to do something different to start getting out there, but I don't know what that is. Maybe it will just be a few more years since my kids are so young. It is unlikely that anyone will want to take the time to get to know me when my schedule is so hectic already and most don't want the trouble of small kids.
I see a few of you here have your kids gone for pretty good lengths of time. I don't think that will ever happen for me unless I send them to sleep away camp (still too young for that now). Their dad isn't really grown up enough to take care of them and doesn't really want them for a week at a time. It's only just gotten to where he will keep them for the entire weekend.
Anyhow, I'm not ugly but I'm certainly no supermodel. I have dated some so I guess there are men that are attracted to me. I don't think OLD will be the key for me though. I don't photograph well and men are mostly interested in the way you look so I won't have any luck there. Looks are a little important (no guys 20 years older with a comb-over) to me but the other things mean a lot more.
I just feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and getting a little depressed about it. I know you all will say live your life and be happy, it is hard to be happy when you feel so all alone...
Priscilla

I'm sorry you're feeling this way!!! But I know everyone here on the board could probably share stories of feeling that EXACT way at one time or another (or even currently!) and you're surely not alone.
I think that for me, the best way to get out of that feeling is to start finding things to do that are fun... JUST FOR ME. Sure, others can join you in the activities as well- but just find something that you LOVE to do, and just have a blast with it! Are there any things that you do, that are JUST for you? Something that you would enjoy doing, whether you had someone to share it with you or not? Something that brings you that internal passion and love of life?
Find things like these. And fill you world with activities like these... and even if you find yourself still without a partner, you'll at least be enjoying life enough that it won't matter quite so much. At least that's worked for me. :-)
(((((((((hugs))))))))))
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
First of all, HUGE HUGS TO YOU!! Don't worry, things will be so much better soon. I know it. So let's start from the top. Shall we?
The kids being gone for the weekend, that is a HUGE plus. Mine are gone for the summer, BUT I have them 24/7 otherwise all year long. So getting a breather inbetween is important.
Have you thought about saving some money and getting professional photos done? I know Judy has friends who did hers and she got some great responses. And just some of the other OLD profiles to get an idea of what you really want. Just stay positive and upbeat but true to yourself.
I would definitely try OLD. It'll at least get you out their and feeling like your putting your feet in the water again.
Don't be so hard on yourself. When I got divorced, I was 25 with two babies. I knew as a single mother they had to be my first priority and I didn't date for four years because there was just no one worthy in my life and I didn't have many situations to meet people.
I went on a few dates during this time, but no one really interested me. Also, their families (mothers) didn't really appreciate their sons were dating a woman with children - baggage! Eventually, I did meet my (now ex)boyfriend in a night class at the local community college and we stayed together for a long time.
Although it didn't work out, I'm glad I waited to date. Just a suggestion not to be in a hurry for a man in your life. Sometimes they're not all they are cracked up to be and just lead to greater disappointment.
Good luck to you!
This is so true what u2girl88 says - that dates or boyfriends often lead to greater disappointment. I think you really have to have a tough skin to date - it is not something that is joyful - it is more something dutiful. I think if you find a way to have a happy fulfilled life on your own you are going to be more picky - able to throw a mismatch to the curb - and able to stand being rejected. Dating is sort of something to have on the side.
So sorry to hear you feel this way Priscilla. I could have written your post many times. I think it is hard to be social when you are a single mom. Because you are tied to being home with the kids so much. I hope you can find time and fun things for you to do.
Are you going to try online dating?
First off I know your feeling. I'll give you one thing I do and that is make them different. Alone and Lonely are two different things. I was loneier with my ex here than I am alone. Lonely is sad and just a bad feeling all around. However alone is a much different thing. I love alone time. In alone time I can take a bath with out being paged by my kids who really don't need anything but to bug me. In alone time I can read a book with no distractions. In alone time I could walk around naked if I wanted to and dance to music. I really don't do the last one but I could if I wanted to.
Online dating might be fun it is for me. And note I don't meet many people from the internet. I talk to a ton of guys via IM on the internet. I call them internet bf's and actually have no intention of meeing most if not all of them. But while I'm at home and the kids are here and I'm feeling lonely there is usually one of those guys I can talk to or better yet type to. It is not the same as having someone here but they can be entertaining and fun for awhile. When they get borring you can just turn them off and blame it on computer problems later.
I know you are not in the mood for jokes but I watch sad movies when I'm down or write in a journal. I took 5 years off after my ex from dating. He was a piece of work and I wanted to make sure I got me straight before I went back out there. Enjoy your kids and the right guy will come by someday. At least I think he might. We all feel this way at points in time and we know. HUGS to you dear. I hope tomorrow is better.
Priscilla - how was your weekend? Do you feel any better?
I think you should get some good pix taken and take a spin on OLD - match.com especially - why not? There is someone for everyone out there.
The next time you are out, observe how many plain women are hooked up with a man - usually more plain ones than pretty ones - this will give you a boost, girl!!
Plus we want stories!!
And the post on here by lostsometimes is just way too good - alone and lonely are two separate worlds!! I have been lonelier in a bad marriage way more than I have now that I am alone.
Hi Pricilla. Yes I also want to know how you are doing. I agree with all of the posts. I have been in your shoes I don't know how many times. I think it is just normal and it will pass. Even while dating I can get down sometimes because guys can be jerks or losers but then I think of myself and think that it was their loss and that I am a good person. Everyone tells me that there is someone out there for me and sometimes I believe them and sometimes I don't. :)
It definitely takes times to get yourself together and find out what makes you happy and what you want and don't want.
I hope you are feeling better and I am sending big ((((HUGS)))) to you.
Keep your chin up!
Jennifer
I certainly am LONELY and not just not enjoying time alone. I have little time alone and really enjoy waking up on occasion to a quiet house. I understand it takes time and I have dated and have no trouble casting them off (since I have casted them all off). It would be nice to just have some fun.
I've just been kind of down, feeling old and worn out, I guess. Turning 40 at the end of the year is weighing heavily on me and maybe that is some of it. Lots of crying as of late.
I had a pretty decent weekend. My daughter had her 7th birthday yesterday. Didn't do a party but the ex came over as did his parents (and one of my girlfriends that I needed for moral support) for cake and presents. She had a great time (although gramma got her makeup which I was none too happy about).
I've put on about 15lbs since the separation last year and I'm starting to work on that. I'm not fat but feel better about 15 - 20 lbs thinner. Kids will be with their dad this weekend so I will plan lots of fun things to do, including a much needed haircut. I'm headed to the beach in August for a weekend with some girlfriends, that may boost my spirits as well. I'm doing my best to stay busy, just getting down right now.
Maybe I'll get some pictures taken over the weekend as well. I'll check out the OLD again. Haven't really had much luck with it but I'll give it another go. Maybe I can scan the photo from my ID and crop it. I got a new one last month and it is the best picture of me I have ever seen. Unbelievable....
Thanks for the support ladies. I appreciate it. Just been having a big ole pity party. Maybe if I get a new BOB my mood will improve ;o)
Priscilla