lonely and waiting

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
lonely and waiting
13
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 3:05pm
HI!
I hope someone can offer some advice to me. I'm a 38 year old single mom who has been married twice. In the last few years ( since 2002) I have lost my Mother to cancer, both Grandparents and been through a second divorce. The last couple of years I have found myself craving adult male attention. My daughter is 14 and I don't want to disrespect her in any way, but I admit that after she goes to sleep at night, I have pondered asking a friend over. Does anyone else have the same issues? I work hard everyday,have two degrees and I'am currently working on something else. I spend one night out the weekend with my Dad to help him out.I'm ready for some fun of my own.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 8:31pm

Welcome to the board!


Do not feel bad about wanting some "me" time- it will only make YOU a better mom/ woman/ provider/ person to make time for yourself!


If you feel like having a friend over- then do!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 10:22pm
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I have a bad habit of feeling guilty when I want something for myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 10:44pm

And that is a totally normal feeling.


But if you're not happy and satisfied with your life, how can you model that for your children?




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 10:54pm

Oh, the mommy guilt - haven't we all felt that? I'm feeling it right now!

Not only is it okay for you to take me time. Not only do you deserve it. You need it. Only if we have full and happy lives can we be the best parents we can be. It doesn't disrespect your daughter to want and have that for yourself. As the pp said, you are modelling a good balanced life for her (if it is while she is sleeping). You sound like a strong loving woman and parent who has a lot to offer. You also deserve to have someone treat you well and to have adult companionship/attention/romance in your life. Go for it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:00pm
That is so true. I need to start thinking of myself more. My daughter will be 14 soon and I have not had a man in my life in almost 5 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:03pm
Thanks for the encouragement. I think I'm ready to go for it. I just hope I can find the right man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:04pm

Sorry to hear that you have been through so much pain.

I think you need to get out more and do something for yourself. While it is okay to have someone over - I don't think this will be as good as feeling like you have supportive friends and fun things to do - I would worry that you will get hurt more or make a bad dating decision. So maybe you just need to make a little time for yourself?

Glad to have you hear. Welcome!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 8:19pm
Thanks for your reply. I agree with you. I have been through alot and sometimes I just want someone to make everything okay. I do not have alot of friends. My best friend lives in another state. Most people my age around here are into clubs and parties and thats not me. I just want someone I can have an honest relationship with and someone who will be there for my daughter and I. Wish me luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 10:15pm

You see, I think you are in the best spot to find someone to "be there for you and your daughter" when you do not really "need" this person - meaning you are so happy with everything else in your life that dating is a sideline that you can take it or leave it. I think with this approach you can date a few people casually over time and the one that proves themselves to be the best over time wins - not that you latch on to the first person you find and they desperately try to make it work. Unfortunately, this is a painfully slow approach. Easier said than done - but a good goal nonetheless.

I wonder if you can find something like music or movies or going to bed earlier to get you through this tough time of day? And filling the social schedule a bit more so you have things to look forward to?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 10:45pm
You already found the right person - You - the only person who can truly make you happy. While I think you deserve love and romance in your life, also you deserve me time. To be fully in a realtionship, you have to be a whole person as an individual. That is a lesson it took me a long time to learn. Best of luck and keep us updated (or come for support when you need it!).

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