Long term BF does not attend son events

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Long term BF does not attend son events
14
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 1:33am

I have many things going on in my relationship first of all. My main issue right now is he does not want to be a part of my son's events.

We have been dating for 13 months and living together for about 9 months. My son is 6 and his daughter is 14. She also lives with us. He and daughter were very immature at a ball game a few weeks ago. My family was not amused let's say. He really had not wanted to go to my son's games in the first place. After this he really did not. They did not say anything to him. We all just focused on my son. The two of them were standing way back not with us or around the ball team, which is what this is for the kids. It is not my fault he chose to stay away then blamed me and my family for not talking to him. Durin the game they stayed at the concession stand for about 30 minutes or so. Then when they came back they were shooting peanuts through a pixie straw. He said she only was but he was allowin it. People in the stand were getting mad and I was irritated and moved up to talk to my cousin to avoid causing a scene in front of the whole stands. That is not way to act at a game especially for him to condone it and laugh like it was funny. He went to a game the Sat before last and left before he saw my son or I. We were the only ones there. Tonight was the last game and he still did not go. My son was nominated to the all stars I just found out tonight. I took us out for ice cream to celebrate. Earlier before the game BF said if you take me to dinner I will go to the game. I had already eaten at home as we agreed to watch money. I said no I already ate and left for the game. He did not say anything to my son about congratulations or anything. He was not going to his music program a few weeks ago even when my son asked him to but then he decided to last minute and called me and said he was coming. His mom said she told him he was wrong and we are a family now. I told him tonight that I did not know how I could continue to be with someone who is not supportive of my son. He works nights and if he is sleeping I do not expect him to come but if he is free or doing something unimportant I think he should be involved. His daughter is not in sports or anything but if she was I would go. I went to her school registration and take her to do things like hair, shopping, etc. She and I have our good days and bad. That is another post all together. Am I right to be rethinking my relationship for lack of support from him or should I get over it? My point tonight was is he going to continue this for my son's next 12 years through school activities. My son is my main priority. I work at home and make good money but mostly do it so I can be here for him and his activities. Help me out here!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 1:45am

Hello

Well I just have a bit to post. I had a birthday party today and a long day. I had a talk with him tonight. I was nearly in tears earlier just all of this and not feeling appreciated lately. We talked about a lot of things. He knew I was distant lately. He apologized for some things. There is so much to tell but no time. I did tell him that I have to do what is best for my son and I both and right now I was just not sure what that was. I did let him know what I expected in all areas we are having problems with. I also stopped by a women's fitness center tonight to check it out. My son's friend's mom told me about it. It is for working out, sauna, tanning, massage, etc. They even have showers, makeup mirrors, etc. I was just totally interested in that. Part of my thing is that I want time for me. I have worked very hard the last few years as a single parent working 2 or 3 jobs, overtime, schooling, etc. and I told BF I needed time for me and a break from just focusing on everyone else. I want to be there for my son and the family but I have neglected me for far too long. He does totally support me doing this and has encouraged me to do so. Maybe this will help me on what I need personally and the rest we shall see. We will either get things straight or I will move on and focus on myself and my son alone. Either way I know I will make it through it. I grow stronger through every hardship I have faced. Being a single parent is one of the hardest things afterall and I can do that I know so the rest is just secondary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:56am

Well, hopefully your heart to heart will open his eyes that you're seriously in need of help here. If he's unwilling to be a part of things and tune into what's going on, then you may have to let this one go.

I think it's a GREAT idea to head to the gym! I have been going since January, finally taking that time for ME and I am really pleased with my progress and results so far. Sure, it's hard, but I think I'M worth it!

It will really help you to have a focus for your energy and getting any anger and frustration out.

Have a great time!







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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 1:34pm

Okay,

I am all for going to the gym.

But in your post, you still sound so distressed...as if you feel like it's because you have no "me time" and you are wanting put the blame on that for your feeling of "over reacting" to the things your boyfriend has done to upset you. Don't do that to yourself. Yes, you do need me time. But regardless of you being stressed out or not, the way he treats your son is clearly upsetting you. He is going to have to really put forth some effort for your needs to be met in this relationship. It sounds as if family time is very important to you and that now, by his actions, you feel like "Hey! This isn't what I signed up for!"

I wish you the best. It sounds as if you have been very tolerant of his negative behavior and I can certainly see how you feel like the gig is up by the way he has switched interest in your son like that. I'm also glad you took the time to talk to him and that he seems to have listened whole-heartedly. Give it some time and hopefully both of you can work towards a balance you both can work with when it comes to doing things together as a family. The kids are old enough to have a say as well...maybe you need to discuss some things you would all honestly enjoy together and plan that. It might help ease some of the resentment in the long run. I think it's really great for a family to have a "family hobby" that each member enjoys equally.

--snow

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2006
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 9:02pm

Sorry this is coming late to you!

He seriously doesn't sound like a man worth keeping. If you are a family - he should be there and want to be there. Acting like a child and not being social with your family and not even disaplining his own child - inexcusable! Long term or not, he doesn't sound like someone that I would want around as an influence on my son.

Best of luck!

Blueeyed607

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