long time no post update
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 10-27-2007 - 2:40am |
Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve made time to look at this board. I’m the one with teens and a preschooler, and a psycho X who is a physician. And I have the good fortune to have a guy who is a great fit for me, M. I’m kind of overly stressed now so I decided to indulge in some “me” time and catch up with you ladies. Sorry if this turns into “War and Peace.”
Like Rlch, (so sorry to read some of your posts, (hugs) to you and your little girl) my X is still a psycho and I have a mediation coming up Thurs. because he just has to mess with our daughter’s custody schedule yet again. The schedule that went into effect when she started preschool in Aug worked out so that we only have two transfers in person/month, otherwise she switches from one parent to the other at school. He insists on going back to the old schedule. I refuse. So during a week that I have 3 projects and a paper due at school and I’m in the middle of the remodel from Hades, I have the lovely pleasure of spending quality time experiencing the world according to Psycho Boy. Even when these narcissists quit drinking, they still get worse. I find that having as little contact with him directly as possible is the only way to avoid that questioning- “Am I the crazy one here?” And sadly, my daughter, who loves her Daddy very much, has begun to react to his crazy behavior. She doesn’t understand why Daddy talks so mean and throws things. The best advice I got was from my XMIL- “don’t take the high ground, quit doing “the right thing”, it’ll just upset you when he doesn’t respond in kind. And just communicate with him through your lawyer. She has to deal with his rages after I leave. I’ll pass that advice along to those of you dealing with guys who live within their own little world where they are the center of the Universe and everyone else is wrong. Oh, and their uncontrolled raging behavior is all your fault, right? LOL
And this comes just after I had an up close and personal experience with the old breast cancer scare. My sister is recovering just fine, but a dear friend lost her battle in late Sept. So I finally get a mammogram, and my Dr. also ordered up an MRI screening just to be safe (neither my sister’s, friend’s, nor my aunt’s cancer showed on Mammo). Of course the MRI showed something suspicious, so I had to have an MRI guided biopsy- no fun there. I was totally freaking out and M was in Mex. w/ his girls so no support there. But- I’m fine! Well except for the monster bruise and the itchy biopsy hole that is of course right where my bra rubs it. My X seems like a pesky mosquito compared to life/death issues. My friend was 47 and leaves twin daughters who are HS seniors, a son who is a college freshman, and a husband who is so devastated by the loss he’s taken a month off work. And he's a brain surgeon- literally.
And on to happier things. M and I still chugging along, moving in baby steps. I got really upset with him when he didn’t call from Mex. this last time and forgot I was having the biopsy thing while he was gone. It just triggered this duffle bag sized post divorce baggage from my X never being there for me and never calling me when he travelled. But unlike my X, M was genuinely sorry for not remembering and even more so for my being so distressed. And he made sure he made amends for it by making time for me ASAP, taking me out for a really nice dinner and a very QB focused night together. We’re going to Orlando to spend Thanksgiving with his parents. Yikes! It’ll be the first time I meet his mom.
And my nearly 19 son did score a job at Deer Valley so he will be having his ski bum fantasy come true. Maybe after that he’ll settle down and go to college. S16 is taking the opposite tack and taking AP/honors classes so that he has choices at graduation. D3 LOVES school. She gets up extra early on those days. She helped redecorate her room, chose the colors (lavender and lt. green) and the bedding. She is such a happy kid.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent and the reminder I’m not the only one with these issues.
QueenBun

Wow QueenBun, that's alot you've been having to deal with! I'm glad things are okay with the breast issues- though it's still in its healing phases. Hope it continues smoothly- and sorry about your friend's passing. How devastating it must be for her family! They will be okay though... because they have to. (what choice do any of us have, BUT to keep on going?)
I'm glad you and M are doing okay, despite the non-calling speed bump... especially during a time when you really could've used his support! I'd have been upset, too. I'm glad he has come through for you since though- and hopefully that won't happen again!
About your ex... well, it sucks just like it sucks for Rebecca and Averey. Sometimes you just wonder why the nice people die and the mean ones keep on living. :-P
Glad you took time off to take care of yourself, but don't be a stranger either! We could've been here to support you when M wasn't, had we known! ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
The biopsy thing was a bigger deal than I anticipated. When I told M it was necessary he asked if I wanted him to go with me. I declined because I had thought it was going to be simple, like getting a shot or something. But it’s all over and done with and I can relax for another 6 months when I’ll go through all the screening again. My family history is thick with breast cancer, all in the mom to mom line of ancestry.
And I love that most posters have included photos now, good to see you.
QB
The one thing that is a problem for me with M is that I seem to get pushed to the end of his list of priorities when he has issues with his X and the girls. It’s partly my own fault for being so understanding and accomodating. I would never ask him to choose between me and his daughter’s, but his X is trying her damnedest to make that the issue. So instead of just suffering in silence this time I let him know that the no phone call thing upset me and why. It was the first time he actually just disappeared, he always calls when he travels, and I know he was totally stressed when he left. His X was behaving like a whacko and so he turned off his phone so she couldn’t harrass him. It was clear when he got back that he had totally forgotten about the biopsy thing and that he expected I would be annoyed that he hadn’t called but I would let it go. He was quite surprised at my reaction. The important thing for me was how he reacted once I told him what was upsetting me and what he did about it. We still have to work through this issue of his X incouraging their D12 to freak out about my existence in her father’s life.
Yes,and it really is one of those great questions for one’s faith when someone who is good, kind and much loved by so many is taken from us when she should have had half her life still ahead of her.
They say that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think you forget how much you usually juggle and withstand and that is why you thought you could do it alone. But all of us need someone by our side in times of extreme duress - and you have most certainly had your share with your exh and the biopsy.
I wonder if M can put a block on his exw's cell number/house number instead of shutting off his phone? I know my cell phone has that feature. It is not easy to find, though.