Looking for feeback...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Looking for feeback...
2
Sat, 10-20-2007 - 9:26pm

Hi all,


I decided after 2.5 years of being off line, to bite the bullet and give it a shot. Here is the text from my profile, I would love anyone's two cents of it. I suck at writing these, and feel so rusty. I checked out some sights and the pickings are slim, but what the hell, it couldn't hurt. And after reading some of the stories here, lol. Well now I can add mine!


Here it goes:


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 11:42am

Hi Karen- cool beans, seeing you here! I

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sun, 10-21-2007 - 4:40pm

I would break the big paragraphs into smaller chunks of paragraphs. And maybe try to organize it a little more so it flows better. Because right now, at least to me, it feels like it jumps all over the place. I would organize it to talk about your family, then your activities then what you want in a match. I would probably omit any negatives - since most people who have drama do not think they have drama and this is for you to find out and nix in the dates - otherwise it sounds like you have had a lot of drama and that is a turn off to the right person.

I think one good thing to do is to illustrate a few of your points with stories. For example you mention that you have a lot of hobbies but nothing to excess - perhaps you can mention a few of them (I would only include the ones that a guy is interested in - like I would NOT put knitting or sewing).