lurker, coming out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2007
lurker, coming out
3
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 1:44am

Hi, I have lurked here for some time, you girls are really inspirational to me. I started on line dating and found a great guy, so thought I would share my life a little.

I am 40, mom of 3 great kids, 16, 9, and 5. I got divorced almost a year ago (July 2006) and feel great about starting to date again. I signed up on a couple of dating sites and got email from "A" the first week. He was also just starting to date again, post divorce and we hit it off immediately. We have been going out for about a month. I am in love. He is in love. How great is that?

Even though we have been dating such a short time the "M" word has been discussed, that is what we both want and hope for, I have explained that I am not yet ready to make that commitment to him, but do feel like it is just a matter of time.

We are exclusive, but not having sex due to our shared beliefs, however, it is difficult, because that is something that I do miss about being married and we have EXTREME chemistry. He, like I, want to wait, though finding it very difficult. We make sure our dates end in public places so we are not too tempted.

Everyone tells me this is going to fast, and I agree, but the feeling are there so I don't know what else to do but go with them. We have met each others kids and so far all seems good, though not sure how they will react to each other yet.

So, tell me, can it be love this soon?

Ella

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 5:35am

Hey, Ella, Welcome! A lot of people will say you're going too fast -- but only you will know for sure. I'm assuming you've seen/felt no red flags yet... I'm a romantic at heart - and my parents met when they were 18, dated for 1 month, got engaged for 3 months and next week they will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Wow! I say enjoy yourself, and have hope, sometimes it's all we've got.


Take plenty of time getting to know each other

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 9:45am

Hi, and welcome! While I am not the best person to talk to about love, I do believe in it, and in love at first sight. My parents (married for nearly 27 years) are proof that it exists.

However, I would caution against talking yourself into it. I know for me, I haven't ever been in love. I have certainly been in the moment where I thought I could be, but it simply never happened.

Now that I am dating funnyguy, who is simply amazing for me, I see that I feel things for him I haven't ever felt before. He places no demands on me or my emotions- in fact, he doesn't even ask, which makes it even better for me to simply be able to feel what I feel without having to justify it.

I know without a doubt that I can love this man. I believe I may well be on my way to being head over heels for him. I also know- by the way he consistently treats me, not what he says- that he feels the same way about me. I don't trust words nearly as much as I trust behavior.

If you believe you're falling for or in love with A, you probably are. Sometimes, it's simply right. At least since you aren't having sex you know it isn't just the passion talking!

As far as going too fast, I'm the queen of that, but this time, instead of feeling like I'm rushing things and forcing something that isn't working to move along simply because that's what I want, I feel like it's simply moving along, and we're both happy, so what's the harm in that?

Good luck, please keep us posted!

Moody, who thinks everyone is getting a little twitterpated this spring!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 8:14am
Moody it is so funny that you said that. My BF sent me a text message last week that just said, "I miss you." And my 10 yr old daughter saw it, and said, "You guys are twitterpated." LOL.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/219b09