Lying is good

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Lying is good
5
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 1:33pm

Got your attention?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: mhash
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 2:13pm

That is an interesting concept.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
In reply to: mhash
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 4:07pm

very interesting.


i don't agree that "lying is good". But i see your point in that we all do it.


I know when i was codependent, i lied a lot. I didn't realize it at the time tho. But in my recovery i learned that when i was trying to please someone (against how i felt in my heart), that i was lying... to myself and to the other person. Little things to cover up and not upset the other person. Did you do the laundry? I'd answer "yes" when i hadn't yet... then immediately do it. for example. Or if my son wet the bed, but i covered for him to my ex. To other things like... doing a favor for someone, but inside feeling resentful. That too is a lie, of sorts.


During my recovery, tho, i learned to stand up for what i believe and what i do. My guideline was... Be honest about how i feel and what i do. And

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 9:34am
This isnt waht you meant, but it made me laugh. HC always catches me "lying". He is so anal, so he may say "did you pull the shower curtain after your shower?" (at his house ..,. he doesnt want it to get moldy all folded up) & if i didnt, i will still say "yeah" ... planning then to go do it - & he will say "You lying?" & I will laugh & say "Yep". He knows EVERY time. I tell him its the cop in him.

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In Memory of The Boys. Kibo & Sana .... Swim Free Boys, in Heaven's Vast Ocean.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2010
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 1:32pm

I have always believed in honesty. My kids know that the punishment for lying is always worse than the punishment for any wrongdoing. Most of the time, if they are open and honest, the result is I help them find a way to solve the problem, fix the wrong, learn something positive from the mistake.

TM says I am not like any woman he has ever known. The main reason he feels that way is because I am compassionate, understanding and forgiving. Especially when he did lie to me and then confessed a few weeks later. The guilt was eating at him and he fully expected me to react with anger, even end the relationship. But I did not. I reacted with understanding, forgiveness and logic. I do tell him the truth, not unkindly, but when he asks my opinion I give it. I have always believed that if you ask a question be prepared to get an answer you may not like.

I find many people ask for an opinion when what they really want is affirmation of their own beliefs. I now clarify before answering. If I don't agree with their opinion I simply say I don't agree, but I don't elaborate or try to convince them to change their opinion.

I believe lying is very harmful and hurtful. I think of it like a slap in the face, a complete disregard for the other person's feelings. I believe those that need to lie do so out of either insecurity or malice. When I am lied to out of insecurity, I can forgive, out of malice?not so much.

QB

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mhash
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 2:06pm

I am blessed to have a partner who shares your views and acts accordingly.