Making generalizations w online profiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Making generalizations w online profiles
10
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 10:27am

I have thoroughly enjoyed all of our online dating questions and answers this week. Everyone has taught me a lot - and I hope you have all learned, too.

I just thought of a few more.

Okay - tell me what you would think about these attributes:

1) over 40 and never been married, no kids

2) works all the time and wants someone to help him relax more

3) different religion

Is there anything else in general that would make you put up a red flag from reading the profile?

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 7:43pm

1) over 40 and never been married, no kids ... we've had some HUGE controversy on this one over at the online dating board! Personally at 27 I wouldn't be looking to date anyone over 35 at most unless they were REALLY perfect in every other way. Never married isn't that significant to me by itself, but if they've never had some kind of very serious relationship by their 30's I would be concerned. That's a very long time to get used to the 'single' lifestyle and some people can't adjust to being part of a 'couple' at that point. I'd be more likely to date someone never married rather than divorced, because to me marriage is absolutely a one-time lifetime commitment, and that means the person does not share one of my important core values.

2) works all the time and wants someone to help him relax more ... bleccch. Sounds totally unappealing.

3) different religion ... depends on HOW different. I'm atheist/buddhist and my girlfriend is wiccan/pagan - somehow we have very similar views on spirituality. But I wouldn't likely get involved with anyone who was extremely religious or followed one specific path without having done some serious soul-searching and a reason for committing to that path. Not that I have anything against it, they just wouldn't be compatible with me.

Is there anything else in general that would make you put up a red flag from reading the profile? ... any mention of sex in the profile is a huge turn-off. So is "not into lying, cheating or games" - just sounds like they're not over some previous bad experience. Anything else that sounds like they're still hung up on an ex. Obsession with sports or reality shows. Semi-naked pictures. Obvious or frequent spelling & grammar mistakes tend to get on my nerves - and stuff like "Im just lookin 4 a good women" LOL! How many women?? One of my all-time favorite quotes: "My ex-wife always said I was a great catch - go figure."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 8:43pm

Rate this profile :)

Judy, this guy is 40 and looks amazing...very athletic. At first glance I thought, he'd be perfect for Judy! If he wasn't geographically undesirable. (He's in Seattle). He is religious though, it seems...and he is single-never been married. But his profile seems so...honest and sweet...dont you think?

About Me
Gender: Man seeking a Woman

Marital Status: Single - never married

Body Type: Athletic

Height: 6' 0"

Eyes: Hazel

Hair: Dark Brown

Ethnicity: Caucasian (white)

Sense of Humor: Friendly, Clever / Quick Witted, Goofy

Social Setting: The life of the party, Better in small groups

TV Watching: Movies, Documentaries, I don't own a TV

Smoking: Doesn't smoke

Drinking: Drinks socially

Living Situation: Alone

Have Kids: No

Want (more) kids: Yes

Education: College Grad

Employment Status: Self-employed

Occupation: Technical / Science / Engineering

Income: I'll tell you later

Religion: Christian / Catholic

Attend Services: More than once a week

Political Views: I'll tell you later

Astrology: Pisces

Languages: English

Interests: Community Service, Family, Listening to Music, Outdoor Activities, Religion / Spirituality, Travel, Playing Sports



In my own words

Looking for someone who is…… grateful, happy, intelligent, independent, and tolerant of others. Someone who lives in, but not for, the moment; is willing to curtail immediate gratification for long-term happiness; and is not overly influenced by our society's misguided priorities and shallow allurements. Someone who is wise enough to realize that the best things in life aren't things........

My friends say that I am happy, confident, polished and accomplished. Unfortunately they would also say "he's compulsively late, very forgetful, passionate, and abnormally young at heart". And would probably add "he's an independent thinker who is compassionate towards the obscure; and loyal to his friends, family and ideals"......

Now that all that heavy stuff is out of the way.....I am looking for someone with parallel values and goals.

Thanks for looking...best of luck :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:37pm

Wow - you have read a lot of profiles - I can tell by your list of red flags!! Very good advice here and good points.

That is interesting you have had a huge controversy about the over 40 and never been married at the online dating board. Do you mind summarizing the pros and cons?

I think from what I have seen that over 40 and never married gives trouble, especially for a single mom. The ones I have met have been rather eccentric - but I guess it is good to keep an open mind.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:40pm
The geography thing is always such a pill!! You are so sweet to think of me!! He does sound nice.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:59pm

I prefered guys without kids...it's tough enough dealing with my X and his and his wife's schedules and discipline issues, etc. Never been married is fine, too.

I'm not someone's life coach so I would pass on that one...also men who lived out of town (ie the suburbs) weren't interesting to me. I am not a tour guide, I am not interested in taking someone around the city and showing them the 'hot spots'.

I could care less if he practices a different religion...to me what matters is, at what level is he involved? If he is not spiritual at all or at the other extreme, forget it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 12:36am

Here are my responses:


1) Over 40 and never been married, no kids: If I met the man on-line, I'd probably pass.

Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 6:13am
Thanks, downbythebay. I like your statement about life coach - good point. I was curious what everyone would say because a lot of the profiles say that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 6:16am

Thanks, Stephanie. Your point about workaholics is right on - my xh is also a workaholic.

I hope you stay and post with us more. Your book suggestion is good - I have read that one. And now I have the idea to do a dating/relationship poll for next week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 12:31pm
Here's my favorite x mark! I get profiles in my inbox that have for their preferences, they don't want their match to have any children. Hello! Then why are you sending me a message?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 5:38pm
A good guess would be that he didn't even bother to read your profile. He was probably just going by your picture. I actually had an experience once where a guy sent me a wink but in his profile it said he didn't want a woman with children. Well, I was a little bit confused, but I did like his profile, so I winked back. The next day I get the "thanks, but no thanks" response. My first thought was WTF? But the more I thought about it; the more I figured he had just finally gotten around to reading my profile. It seems really unfair to send someone a wink unless you have completely checked out their profile. I mean maybe I'm backwards, but I go more for what the guy has to say in his profile than what his picture looks like. Call me crazy! :)