Making out

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Making out
29
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 10:56pm

Fivesense brought up an interesting topic in one of the threads on this board.

She writes, "At my age, I avoid make-out sessions if I don't intend to have sex with the guy. Kissing, hand holding, and staying out of situations where sex can happen, makes it easier for me to say no and keep my answer no. I wouldn't like it if a man suggested having sex with me before the second date."

Interestingly, I have seen this SAME topic discussed, with exactly the same thoughts, by some women on the Single Parents and Dating board. It is becoming more popular to really hold back, remain almost chaste and then be able to think straight about what you want and where a relationship should go.

I welcome everyone's thoughts on this matter. I thought it would be a good question and discussion for our week.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 11:31am
Jennie,
While I may not get it. I am adopted an have recieved many a beating from my father. I was into alot of mischief when I was young.
I have been reading your post for quite awhile and I do see you are looking hard at yourself with plently of soul searching. I also realize that you have alot of personal things on your plate.
I do not judge a person for sleeping around, that is their choice. It is just not mine. Someone had suggested that it may be a control issue not to sleep with a person to soon. Well I think it is more about respect. When in a committed relationship sex is great and I am willing to do it as often as my partner is willing.
Anyway Jennie my last post was not meant to single out anyone person. I will say this about you.
You have come along way in the past couple of months. You are also honest and straight forward and tell it like it is. Believe it or not you are a strong person and I wish you nothing but the very best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 11:37am

Thank you for your kind words, but can I just say I'm not sleeping around?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 11:44am
I never thought you were. I am sorry if my communication skill are poor but I try
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 12:54pm

Your communication skills are not poor.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:21pm

I would not label it good or bad - you have to do what is right for you. I know the topic of making out came up in your thread - but I really posted this separate thread because I was seeing this being discussed on another board at length and wanted to see what everyone here thinks.

I don't think this will make or break you - and we are always here either way. How are you guys doing?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:38pm

Hi Judy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 9:05pm

Wow - it is good your enchiladas came out good - that sounds delicious - and with homemade cornbread to boot!! He must have been impressed.

I don't think anyone is against GG - we just want the best for you - and we are all sticklers for finding red flags - it is like you have 50 mothers here!! LOL!

I do think it is encouraging that you made a good decision with moving on from your last BF and his troubles. You got to work with dating - creating a good profile - working with your counselor - he has taught us a lot, too. You gave the rollerblader a boot and you have found one you like and you are happy with where you stand now. You have gotten a lot done!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: cl_west1745
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 9:50am
No, I would not recommend having sex as soon as the second date. My quote was taken a little out of context. Some guy suggested sex to a poster here before they went on their second date. I was saying I would not like that. That does not mean that I would give the green light to sex on or soon after the 2nd date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: cl_west1745
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 9:53am

Jennie,

I do not think the relationship is doomed from the start. I'm no saint. I only said I avoid being alone with a man because when I like someone, I'm just a girl who can't say no. (thankfully, i haven't liked too many guys :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
In reply to: cl_west1745
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 10:00am
I'm sorry if my post stung. That was never my intention. If you read my other response to you, I want to state again, that I am no saint. I know myself. That's why I avoid the makeout thing.