mamas, please help!
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mamas, please help!
| Sat, 06-25-2005 - 11:36am |
hello,
I have been divorced 2 years and recsntly started to see someone. I have 2 kids: son 7 and daughter, 5 and he has no kids. We really enjoy one anothers company and have a really nice connection but want to take things slow. My kids know him from his work place and he has babysat them and they say they like him. But we are not sure what to say to them about the situation and dont want them to get hurt if it doesnt work out. My kids are very easy going and speak their minds. Any advice on how to talk to the kids about this would be so appreciated! thanks, Sherri
I have been divorced 2 years and recsntly started to see someone. I have 2 kids: son 7 and daughter, 5 and he has no kids. We really enjoy one anothers company and have a really nice connection but want to take things slow. My kids know him from his work place and he has babysat them and they say they like him. But we are not sure what to say to them about the situation and dont want them to get hurt if it doesnt work out. My kids are very easy going and speak their minds. Any advice on how to talk to the kids about this would be so appreciated! thanks, Sherri

I think I would want to be a little casual about the situation with the children - take it on a day to day basis and not make a huge announcement or drama. Just have everyone enjoy each other's company. If they ask questions you can explain that he is your friend.
Now, if there is talk of a future commitment I would be inclined to explain it more in detail for how it affects them.
I hope this helps - I know that others will have good advice too. Welcome to our board - we hope you stick around!!
I agree with Judy, keep it casual. Have him over as a friend, and keep the sexual stuff out of the eyes of babes for now. Should you decide to take your relationship to the next level, then be honest with your kids that you are now dating this man. But don't suddenly dump this guy on them 24/7 when you decide to be an item, your kids will adjust better to a gradual increase in his presence.
At every stage though, you should talk about how things will affect them. Reassure them that you are there for them and that you boyfriend will enhance everyone's lives. Make sure that you both agree on discipline and respect issues before he's around your kids on a daily basis. My son knows that he is to respect and follow my boyfriend's word, not simply because he's my bf, but because he's an adult in his life- just like his dad, his grandma, his grandpa, etc. And I'm careful to back up my bf if he asks ds to do something, saying, "J said to put your toys away", rather than just telling him to put his toys away again myself. I feel it reiterates his presence as a figurehead in our household. But major discipline will always be my area, as I am the primary parent, and he will back me up in those times.
My son does ask when we will get married, and I just tell him, "we're working on it", since we do want to be married one day. He's 5 and he's already had two girlfriends in kindergarten, so he has an idea of the whole "dating scene" LOL!
Alison