Man of my dreams or my nightmare?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2010
Man of my dreams or my nightmare?
13
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:05pm

Ok, so here's the deal!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:15pm

Honestly--- I would choose option 3-- take a break from it all and take some time to yourself.


If you ended your last encounter w/ the older guy last May- and started seeing your current BF in June, were you really healed from the first guy?


It sounds to me like you're "settling" for your current boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 3:57pm

Thanks michleutz...


Well said...


But with the man 1800 miles away always in my inbox on my computer and in my phone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 4:03pm

I agree-you should get rid of both of them. The 1st guy really doesn't seem romantically interested in you--he is more of a friend & your kids can play together. A guy who won't have sex w/ the lights on or look at you is very unusual to say the least. Who wants to be stuck w/ someone who isn't passionate about you--maybe it's one thing if you're very elderly and really only want companionship in a marriage, but not for younger people.

As far as the 1st guy he didn't say he was going to move closer to you, did he? If you really can't move cause of your kids, then it's kind of crazy to have an "only on weekends" LDR unless that's what you really want. I think he's being honest when he said that his kids are grown & he really doesn't want to be involved w/ someone who has little kids. The 2 of you might like each other but because of circumstances, things just aren't going to work out.

Better to hold out for someone who really meets all the qualifications where you both can be happy & no one feels that they are missing out on something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 4:40pm

Kimber- does your current bf know about the 1800 mile guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 4:59pm

"always in my inbox on my computer and in my phone... He makes it hard not to forget"

They give you the ability to block e-mails and phone numbers for a reason. You need to tell this guy that he had his chance, he decided he didn't want to date a mother with young kids. His decision wasn't wrong or right, but it was made and now he can't just 'take it back'. That's not how real life works, no matter how badly we want it to be so. If he really loves you as much as he claims he does, he would give you the space (and silence) you need to heal yourself.

You will never be able to deal with the relationship you are in now if you don't get rid of Long Distance Guy once and for all.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 5:23pm

In my experience I cannot see how you remain friends if you were lovers, at least not immediately after you end the sexual aspect.


My take is that in order to be honest with yourself and live with integrity is to end it with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 6:38pm

Thanks for your replies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 8:53pm
Hi and welcome. Ummmmmm....I gotta say in my humble opinion, block the long distance guy from your email. If you cut off all contact, it'll hurt for s short time, but then you can heal and quit falling back on him. Your current boyfriend isn't doing it for you, you can't force what you need or want, so end it. Being alone is scarey and not pleasant BUT it allows you to heal, move on, and find something worth having. Why keep fighting for something that isn't making you happy? That seems like such a waste of energy. Good luck and I hope you find peace in all this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2010
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 11:39pm
Perhaps some time alone would be best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 04-21-2010 - 10:17am
Why is counseling out of the question? Because you think your BF won't go? To me that would mean that he doesn't think the relationship is that important. I do think that even so you should probably go to counseling yourself to figure out what you want in a relationship and help you make good decisions for the future.

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