The man that would not go away

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
The man that would not go away
4
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 11:07am

So what do you do if a guy is too much into you, and you’re not into him, and you told him so, and he just doesn’t get it?

I met this guy online a little over two weeks ago. We seemed to get along well in email and on the phone, so we met for dinner that first week. After our second date he declared that he has no desire to meet anyone else and that he only wants to be with me. Well, that would have been great, if only I felt the same way. But I don’t. He’s a nice guy, but there’s just no spark, for me. Well, I told him politely that it’s a bit early for those kinds of declarations, and that I’m not very comfortable with him saying things like that. For the record, he hasn’t dated at all since his divorce over 2 years ago. So we went on 3 more dates, and after the last one (this past Sunday) he sent me an email saying he really likes me, I make him happy, he always thinks about me etc, complete with heart-throbbing smileys and all. At which point I thought it was the right thing to do to tell him that I didn’t feel the same about him and that I don’t think we’d ever be anything but friends. He said he understood, and let’s just be friends. Great. Well, since then it’s been a constant stream of IM/email/ phone calls every night (he recently lost his job and is at home all day), with frequent references to how wonderful and beautiful I am, how this or that would be better if I were there, and things that he wants to do with me (places to go and such). He’s also been offering his services, totally unsolicited, like making dinner for me and the kids and bringing it over, washing my car, taking us to the airport (we’re going on vacation next week). It’s becoming really annoying, actually. It’s like he’s fixated on me. I keep politely refusing his offers and haven’t agreed to seeing him again yet, but I’m wondering if the polite approach is just not working and if I may have to just tell him point blank that he has to get a life! I don’t want to be mean, but it might come to that. Any ideas?

Galina

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 11:43am
I would stop all correspondence.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 6:05pm

I think you need to cut off all contact with him. I would not have gone on the additional 3 dates. You don't owe him anything. He sounds like the creepy stalker-type. The best way to deal with someone like that is to ignore them. If you respond to him in any way, then he will just take that as a sign that he has a chance.

If you ignore, he will eventually go away. That would completely CREEP me out that he knows when you are going on vacation!!!!! OMG, does he know where you live?

With online dating, I did not give out my home phone or address. I withheld my last name as long as possible without being a jerk about it. I would go on a short date first. Nothing long. If I felt something and didn't catch a creep vibe, I'd go out with the guy again. But, I think the first meeting is very important. If you don't feel anything, cut it off at that point and be glad that you never gave that person your home phone number.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 7:15am
Hey Galina,
how's it going with Mr. Super Glue? Did you get rid of him yet?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 07-12-2005 - 9:15am
Yes! Wrote him a brief note last week saying his attempts to center his life around mine make me very uncomfortable and it's best we stopped contact. He surprisingly didn't put up any struggle, sent a brief reply saying ok, good luck and such, but yesterday sent an email wishing me a good week and fun vacation. Which I ignored. End of story.