? for Mark

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Registered: 11-25-2007
? for Mark
4
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 7:54pm

Hey there, the Love Language thread got me wanting to buy the book.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

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Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: mom_uk2socal
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 8:45pm

I'm not Mark, but I have both books. The original one is written more for married couples, but the concepts are the same. The singles/dating one is geared more along the lines on how to select a partner. But again- the concept of the love languages are basically the same.


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

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Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: mom_uk2socal
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 9:56pm

"I'm not Mark, but I have both books."

Well, DO tell us more - book report time! LOL!! Would LOVE to hear your summary, Shrimps, if you have time to type a bit!!

I asked the question about those because I see mention of it from time to time and we have never had a discussion - and I love to read what everyone writes and to learn more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: mom_uk2socal
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:29pm

Sure, I could... but how much of the book could I post without it being "too much"? It's chock full of great stuff!!!!


I know it decribes 2 stages of love. First is the Obsessive love, which lasts on the average- about 2 yrs. It says it is the "twitterpated" and infatuation type of love, where you feel the highs, and feel that the other person is just perfect for you. It's easy and it's fun... and pretty much comes naturally. I think it's in this stage that the Deal-Breaker lists simply CANNOT be ignored, or you might end up rushing off into a relationship that might be doomed... because no relationship will float forever on this high. And no rushing off getting married or moving in either- IMO.


The second stage is what he calls Covenant love- and this one requires ACTION and a choice. It doesn't "happen to you" like the passionate love of the Obsessive stage. It is conscious, it is intentional, it is a commitment to love no matter what. It chooses to look out for the well-being of the other- and not so much "what does it do for me" like the first stage tends to be.


The problem with these stages, is that people know of only the first stage, and consider that "love"- and when the relationship naturally goes through into the second stage- they will think that the love has died- because they no longer feel that "high" anymore. And if you don't know how to keep the love alive (through the Love Languages)- then you and/or your partner will think the relationship has failed, even if you ARE still showing love to each other. If the languages are different, it's like speaking French and Spanish to each other- and the message of love doesn't get across.


I absolutely LOVE this book and recommend it for everyone if you ever want to be in a romantic relationship!!! But it also works for other relationships as well. It has a chapter on how to recognize the love languages of your children- so you can make sure THEY know and feel loved by you as their parent- by speaking in THEIR love language. Even if we never use the romantic parts of the languages... knowing how to use the languages to make sure your kids know they are loved... is worth reading.


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mom_uk2socal
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 12:44am

I think my problem with women is that I tend to skip to the Second Stage/Covenant Love part. I think that is why women call me "intense" and get scared off.

I do have some of the twitterpat (I love that word) stuff but it's mostly Covenant stuff.

Dang. I hate to keep repeating my patterns of scaring women off but I am not sure how to throttle myself back.

Mark who has no one to throttle back with right now...





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb