MARK!!!! Where are you?? I need your...
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 10-15-2008 - 9:46am |
serious advice.
Not only because of the male perspective, but I met up with RF last night and OMG, I am seriously upset about the outcome.
You were totally right about how me saying what I said, made him think about if we did have problems and then he over analyzed the entire thing (darn, scorpion) and he turned it into such a snowball I was floored.
The main reason I need your advice is his soon to be X wife and your past marriage with your X wife. He talked to me about it last night and I felt like it was you talking. I wanted to cry because it seems his X has put some serious damage on him.
I guess from past conversations, she is a controlling person, but it seems that wasnt' the extent of it. RF told me that she would always make him feel bad and inadequate, no matter what he did. He told me that when I began to ask him last week if something was wrong, he felt bad and worried that I was disappointed, because he thought everything was great. However, he decided to shrug it off until I talked to him Monday night and questioned him about spending too much time together and that I didn't want him to think I was pressuring him to spend time with me, because he never asked me to spend time with him.
Anyway, obviously, he felt inadequate and bad that he disappointed me, which brought up past issues that his X made him feel. He suddenly started making me feel, that opening up and communicating with him, was going to always make him feel bad and inadequate. That wasn't my intention at all. I just wanted us to be on the same page.
He told me that he wants to be with me and with no one else. That he has strong feelings for me and would like to work on a long term relationship with me, but that we have to make it a healthy relationship and not one that is unhealthy. I told him that I can't live in the shadow of his soon to be X wife (they've been separated 18 months, divorce is final in November) and I cannot walk on egg shells, worrying if he is going to feel bad if I communicate my needs with him. I told him that I felt that it wouldn't be fair to me to feel like I have to watch my every move in fear of him breaking it off at some point, because I'm doing something that he feels reminds him of his X. UGH!
What did he do? He slowly got out his wallet, put money on the table and walked out. I followed him and he said, he can't believe I broke up with him and his head is spinning and he felt sick. That he was stunned that I broke up with him and that he can't talk to me anymore today. Then he got in his car and drove away, like a bat out of hell.
Now what do I do? I feel awful that he's going through these demons, but I am unsure if I can help him through this. I have my own demons of abandonement issues that I go through and last night I felt that if I didn't do exactly what he expected of me, that I would get the boot.
I need your wise advice, because I know you had some serious healing to do. Maybe a book that you suggest that I can give to him or something that I can say to him, to make him understand that his expectations of me, make me feel threatened as well.
WHAT A MESS!!!!!!!!
Edited 10/15/2008 9:48 am ET by myprecioustwo

Pages
Damn straight! It's o.k. to shed a few tears. I'm very confrontational, and I would have done the same
thing as you did. You feel better because you let it all out, sometimes we need that to wrap it up and move on!
It always amazes me how some guys chase after you so agressively, swear up and down they have their
sh-- together, and are ready for a relationship with you, so you let your guard down, get involved and then,
poof! They all of a sudden have a revalation that they have issues, and that they can't be with you because
you deserve "so much better". I've had this happen to me many times, I know men and women who have had
this happen many times as well.
Bottom line no matter how nice these people are, they are still users, it's wrong to play with people's emotions
period, what are they thinking ? or are they ? Selfish/Narcissistic period.
Cyber chocolate comming your way.
Thank you all for such great support and well wishes. I think I was soo upset last night that I forgot to mention the kicker in all of this:
He said to me: I think that maybe we saw too much of each other and that this went to quickly. We should have slowed it down, etc etc.
HELLO? You FREAKING IDIOT?? Is that NOT what I was initially calling him about on Monday?
That is what sparked all of this, because I told him that maybe we should not see each other as much so he has more time to spend with his friends and himself. UGH!!! AND then he tells me NO and that isn't it and last night he says that is it??? UGH! I was so pissed, because I walked out saying: Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I just can't get this right. - door closed.
He'll probably send me some apologetic note today. Whatever.
The game plan??? Nothing.
I am enjoying my time with the kids and spending more time again concentrating my life on them and not on a guy. I want to have that time to heal the bruise before trying again. I'm just going to enjoy the Autumn time, Halloween, my Birthday coming up and the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays. Screw a date with a man, they don't know what the heck they want anyways and I do.
c'est la vie!!!
they don't know what the heck they want anyways and I do.
DAMN RIGHT, YOU GO GIRL !!!
He said to me: I think that maybe we saw too much of each other and that this went to quickly. We should have slowed it down, etc etc.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
Ok, since this has gone down the zodiac road, where do you see a scorpio male and a leo woman??
~b~
Oh man- you're deadly combo :P
Scorpio man tends to over analyze everything. Leo woman just goes for it.
Scorpios are very sensual beings, leos are feisty.
Water sign (scorpio) tend to be more emotional, Fire sign (leo) tend to be more dramatic, social, or outgoing people. It's a good balance as you're not competing for attention- but Scorpio MAY be a bit of a downer for you at times...
Of course, LEO could just be a pain in the rear... :P
Ooo, you're me! I'm aquarius too!
We are forward thinkers, always changing, want to be part of everything or completely alone. We have the desire for a lot of friends, yet only a few really close ones.
Pisces are very intuitive and want to do good will for others, wanting to take on the problems of others before dealing with their own.
As they lay side by side on the zodiac chart, they get along well, but Pisces can be a little passive aggressive for Aquarius, so do watch that.
Does it fit?
Well, you're fighting with fire my dear :)
Aquarius is the only sign in the zodiac that can take down a Leo. Compliment him a lot and he's putty in your hand :) They have big egos that need stroking, yet Aquarius tends to go, "ya, ok buddy..." But if you give him a little stroke, he'll purr.
It's a good match in that there is excitement and fun, creativity and a push on each other. Leo's may try to be demanding and Aquarius will not bow to the pressure, so it's good.
Well, since you're our official Miss Cleo, how about Sag woman, Taurus man???
Pages