MARK!!!! Where are you?? I need your...
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| Wed, 10-15-2008 - 9:46am |
serious advice.
Not only because of the male perspective, but I met up with RF last night and OMG, I am seriously upset about the outcome.
You were totally right about how me saying what I said, made him think about if we did have problems and then he over analyzed the entire thing (darn, scorpion) and he turned it into such a snowball I was floored.
The main reason I need your advice is his soon to be X wife and your past marriage with your X wife. He talked to me about it last night and I felt like it was you talking. I wanted to cry because it seems his X has put some serious damage on him.
I guess from past conversations, she is a controlling person, but it seems that wasnt' the extent of it. RF told me that she would always make him feel bad and inadequate, no matter what he did. He told me that when I began to ask him last week if something was wrong, he felt bad and worried that I was disappointed, because he thought everything was great. However, he decided to shrug it off until I talked to him Monday night and questioned him about spending too much time together and that I didn't want him to think I was pressuring him to spend time with me, because he never asked me to spend time with him.
Anyway, obviously, he felt inadequate and bad that he disappointed me, which brought up past issues that his X made him feel. He suddenly started making me feel, that opening up and communicating with him, was going to always make him feel bad and inadequate. That wasn't my intention at all. I just wanted us to be on the same page.
He told me that he wants to be with me and with no one else. That he has strong feelings for me and would like to work on a long term relationship with me, but that we have to make it a healthy relationship and not one that is unhealthy. I told him that I can't live in the shadow of his soon to be X wife (they've been separated 18 months, divorce is final in November) and I cannot walk on egg shells, worrying if he is going to feel bad if I communicate my needs with him. I told him that I felt that it wouldn't be fair to me to feel like I have to watch my every move in fear of him breaking it off at some point, because I'm doing something that he feels reminds him of his X. UGH!
What did he do? He slowly got out his wallet, put money on the table and walked out. I followed him and he said, he can't believe I broke up with him and his head is spinning and he felt sick. That he was stunned that I broke up with him and that he can't talk to me anymore today. Then he got in his car and drove away, like a bat out of hell.
Now what do I do? I feel awful that he's going through these demons, but I am unsure if I can help him through this. I have my own demons of abandonement issues that I go through and last night I felt that if I didn't do exactly what he expected of me, that I would get the boot.
I need your wise advice, because I know you had some serious healing to do. Maybe a book that you suggest that I can give to him or something that I can say to him, to make him understand that his expectations of me, make me feel threatened as well.
WHAT A MESS!!!!!!!!
Edited 10/15/2008 9:48 am ET by myprecioustwo

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Aquarius is the only sign in the zodiac that can take down a Leo.
Is that a challenge Al???
Sag woman Taurus man.
You're both "get stuff done" type people, which we've already seen :)
Sag is a fire sign, so you're outgoing and energetic... tend to be the life of the party and loves to laugh. Taurus is down to earth and very stable- not surprised that he's raised his DD17 without batting an eye. He may drive you crazy by being stubborn when he sets his mind on something, but family is his strength.
It's a solid match. :)
He may drive you crazy by being stubborn when he sets his mind on something, but family is his strength.
He may, and he has! LOL!!!
Taurus man and Virgo woman.
Both earth signs, therefore down to earth. Virgos are very sensual signs and can bring out the sexuality in other signs :)
Taurus can be stubborn though, so watch that :P
Yup, you're a pain in the butt :P
Scorpios are better to match with the other water signs, cancer and pisces. But both signs have to continue communication and not shy away when things get a little uncomfortable.
Ah Mark.
Cancer is emotional, digs to uncover the underlying truth to everything and loves to analyze everything/ everyone. You need clarity from your partner on what they're feeling or you feel out of place, so you push for it- which CAN drive your partner away because they don't want to validate their feelings 24/7.
Libra can be wishy washy- it's an air sign, what can I say? All air signs change their mind and nothing is set in stone, so remember what she says about THIS today may change tomorrow. Libras are HORRIBLE about making a decision, so most tend to just NOT make a choice and hope the situation resolves itself- which makes me think of the situation with her DD, no?
Match wise... don't push her too much to make decisions RIGHT NOW and you'll be fine :)
One more, Al?? (you shoud so be getting paid for this) ;o)
Me= Taurus
He= Gemini
Taurus is down to earth and family oriented, Gemini is outgoing and very social- definite opposites here. Taurus is a good base to keep Gemini grounded, which he WILL appreciate if he's allowed to spread his wings and do his own thing once in a while without conflict.
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