MARK!!!! Where are you?? I need your...
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 10-15-2008 - 9:46am |
serious advice.
Not only because of the male perspective, but I met up with RF last night and OMG, I am seriously upset about the outcome.
You were totally right about how me saying what I said, made him think about if we did have problems and then he over analyzed the entire thing (darn, scorpion) and he turned it into such a snowball I was floored.
The main reason I need your advice is his soon to be X wife and your past marriage with your X wife. He talked to me about it last night and I felt like it was you talking. I wanted to cry because it seems his X has put some serious damage on him.
I guess from past conversations, she is a controlling person, but it seems that wasnt' the extent of it. RF told me that she would always make him feel bad and inadequate, no matter what he did. He told me that when I began to ask him last week if something was wrong, he felt bad and worried that I was disappointed, because he thought everything was great. However, he decided to shrug it off until I talked to him Monday night and questioned him about spending too much time together and that I didn't want him to think I was pressuring him to spend time with me, because he never asked me to spend time with him.
Anyway, obviously, he felt inadequate and bad that he disappointed me, which brought up past issues that his X made him feel. He suddenly started making me feel, that opening up and communicating with him, was going to always make him feel bad and inadequate. That wasn't my intention at all. I just wanted us to be on the same page.
He told me that he wants to be with me and with no one else. That he has strong feelings for me and would like to work on a long term relationship with me, but that we have to make it a healthy relationship and not one that is unhealthy. I told him that I can't live in the shadow of his soon to be X wife (they've been separated 18 months, divorce is final in November) and I cannot walk on egg shells, worrying if he is going to feel bad if I communicate my needs with him. I told him that I felt that it wouldn't be fair to me to feel like I have to watch my every move in fear of him breaking it off at some point, because I'm doing something that he feels reminds him of his X. UGH!
What did he do? He slowly got out his wallet, put money on the table and walked out. I followed him and he said, he can't believe I broke up with him and his head is spinning and he felt sick. That he was stunned that I broke up with him and that he can't talk to me anymore today. Then he got in his car and drove away, like a bat out of hell.
Now what do I do? I feel awful that he's going through these demons, but I am unsure if I can help him through this. I have my own demons of abandonement issues that I go through and last night I felt that if I didn't do exactly what he expected of me, that I would get the boot.
I need your wise advice, because I know you had some serious healing to do. Maybe a book that you suggest that I can give to him or something that I can say to him, to make him understand that his expectations of me, make me feel threatened as well.
WHAT A MESS!!!!!!!!
Edited 10/15/2008 9:48 am ET by myprecioustwo

Pages
I bet!! I've never had another Scorpio in my life since Ian, but I have not forgotten that magnetism you're talking about. Wowza!
That is a curse, lol!
What about two scorps paired? (as lovers) or scorp friends? What is that like?
Sorry we hijacked your thread. But isnt it nice to get your mind off whats his face anyway :o) ?
Edited 10/16/2008 6:14 pm ET by cl-pacific_sun
How about cancer (me) and taurus (EMT).
Laurie
WEll! When I and the BRIT, the one other Scorpion and I dated for 6 months, it was the hottest sex either of us ever had!!! The ending of that was probably the biggest hurt I had ever really experienced and most likely the biggest reason I turned out as bad as I did afterwards.
LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG STORIE!! Darn I wonder how many years they archive our posts. Do you know????
Then I had EROL, OMG!!!! HOT HOT HOT SEX, but only an FWB because he was Turkish-Muslim and was going to have an arranged marriage by his family. However, we were FWB's for probably two years.
Then their was RF...... and now that's over I can spill a little.
AS you remember the chemistry was hot, the sex was hot the first time, but then kind of weird afterwards. Not the hottest and definitely not the longest, but I figured that would come because he hadn't had any in a VERYYY LONG TIME, which I found out last night. From the way he squirmed, I'd say possibly YEARS. He had the potential, but I think he was just somehow scared to be himself. Maybe his wife wasn't into him or made him feel rejected. I knew he had it in him, but I think the stinger was cut. LOL
Cancer and Taurus. Water and Earth signs... emotional and stable. HAHA!
You probably drive him a little batty with your need to pick everything apart, but he's a good stable rock out in the middle of your emotional seas.
Years???
My Gosh... that poor Scorp! All that "tension" and no where to unleash it? Yea, maybe he was critisized by the ex or something. Sounds like a wounded scorp in need of more time under his rock to heal.
horoscopes... it's been a while since i've ask someone there sign...lol.
i am a Cancer but party like a Sag... (but my over emotional week was like a Cancer)... Most times i think of myself as a Sag.. the social partier / energetic one.
my first husband was a Gemini. eh, we're better as friends. my longest love was a Capricorn (and MM is also a Capricorn btw.) My second husband was born Oct 3 but i never asked him what sign that was... we had chemistry in the bedroom
You're a Cancer desperately seeking connection with a partner, and so you get wrapped up in the attention of the younger guys because it (the connection) seems so strong. You don't want to be alone because you NEED that emotional connection with someone. It does make sense :)
This is why I always suggest the older men (read: your age), because they will stick around longer to give a more stable connection. You've started to experience this with MM and hopefully that has opened your eyes a little.
Your first husband was Gemini, your second was Libra- both air signs and therefore good for your carefree side :)
Pages