Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Marriage
14
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 7:47am

Well, I told myself that I would ask my bf for his thoughts on marriage this weekend and, with 1000 butterflies in my belly, I finally did. Casually and out of the blue, I asked him if he ever thought about marriage. I figured that was a fairly safe question...wouldn't indicate that that's what I wanted, etc....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 10:19am

One of the books I read had a section on this exact situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 12:24pm

Wow - your response is so good I feel like I should copy/paste and say I agree!!

luv4me2be - listen to Soonee - she has a GREAT answer.

"but I want more. And I want it given willingly." - that is a great goal - be true to yourself!!!!!

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 4:40pm

OK so I am confused. What is wrong with out right asking him if he is willing to get married within (put timetable here)?

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 5:54pm

What is wrong with out right asking him if he is willing to get married within (put timetable here)?


Depending up on the man, nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 6:26pm

Thank you all, so much, for your support and great advice! I figure I've put it out there so now I'll see if he brings it up in the next few weeks. He knows how important it is, for me,

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 8:06pm

I know for me I don't like to assume, guess, or read in between the lines when it comes to relationships. You know what you want and how you want it. I am offering up another way to view the situation (which may be the same as you bf's view).

I ask people in my life to ask me directly on what they want. I don't interpret what I or you want as an ultimatum, threat or anything of the kind if it is stated, "I would like..." or "I want ..." If the words come out as "You need/should/better do..." then that's a threat.

You know your bf best. As I said before, you also know what you want and know what sort of mate that is perceptive enough to know what you want.

Mark





We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb







iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 8:21pm

How long have you been dating???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 8:25pm
How long are you willing to wait for him to ask you?



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 9:53pm

We've been dating for about 4 years now and I've been fighting with myself for the past year trying to decide just how long I'm willing to wait.


I've never really been a dater (except during high school) and considering I met my

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 10:39pm

4 years?

And you're afraid to talk to him about marriage?

Something wrong with this picture.




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