Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Marriage
14
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 7:47am

Well, I told myself that I would ask my bf for his thoughts on marriage this weekend and, with 1000 butterflies in my belly, I finally did. Casually and out of the blue, I asked him if he ever thought about marriage. I figured that was a fairly safe question...wouldn't indicate that that's what I wanted, etc....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
In reply to: luv4me2be
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 11:03pm
Obviously I'm afraid of the obvious. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: luv4me2be
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 9:17am
Wow four years?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: luv4me2be
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 1:58pm

I think the subject warrants further discussion, with time. Afterall- he knows that you have been casual and OK with the situation as is for four years. So before going and renting the dumptruck I would think about this. It takes two to get settled into a place of being OK. It's not really anyone's "fault" that marriage has not happened or is on the radar. He's been comfortable because you have been comfortable. I don't fault him for that.


Like Soonee said, now that you asked him if he's ever thought about it, he probably WILL start thinking. Now he knows that YOU think about it. And that's fair, and maybe the topic CAN be brought back up in a couple weeks. I like the idea of talking to him openly, and just saying that eventually you do want marriage, and does he think that could be in the future for you two. Its not a threat or an ultimatum..just an honest question that deserves discussion.


Four years in a committed relationship is nothing to sneeze at or simply toss just because the guy did not chomp at the bit when the subject was brought up. It could take him a few weeks to warm up to the idea..I'd give this some time then discuss again.


I know a wonderful (now married) couple who dated and then lived together for many years. Then they started talking marriage and after another year or so were married. It can happen even to the marriage-phobs and even those who have been happy and complacent in their positions as is. The dialogue alone should stir up his feelings...then go from there.


~Pacific~



Edited 7/14/2008 1:58 pm ET by pacific_sun


Edited 7/14/2008 2:00 pm ET by pacific_sun
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: luv4me2be
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 1:21am

I think you'll have to bring it up with him and talk to him about it. You may THINK he knows how important it is to you, but if you haven't really discussed it, then you're assuming that he knows when in fact he doesn't.

You want marriage because you want a family. You HAVE a family honey- you and your children ARE a family. I know you're meaning in the two adults + children sense, but you have to realize that in this way, you're putting your LIFE on hold here waiting for this "Family".

It's been four years. You don't have to make it an ultimatum, but you don't want to "drop bread crumbs" either. A simple, "you know honey, we've been together for four years and I am ready for the next step, which to me is marriage- what are your thoughts here?" And then let him talk. He already said he hadn't thought about it, which indicates he's A-OK with the situation as is. But YOU are not- so don't sell yourself short.




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