Married men ... do they think we are

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Married men ... do they think we are
3
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 6:33pm

CLUELESS?

One day a week or so ago, i answered about 3 CL ads that seemed decent. So, i get this back today from a 45 yr old "separated" guy, who had a very short, sane ad about meeting someone to spend some fun, quality time with.

So ... 1st email he sends back, short & sweet:
*** "You are so incredibly beautiful. I'm actually in the healthcare profession, as well. Do you work at the local Hospital? I'm a separated father of 3 boys working on the East Bay. I'm 5'11", athletic build, brown/green. So why was a beautiful, intelligent woman like you interested in my post on CL? I don't imagine that you have much difficulty finding a guy to have some fun".

I wrote back a semi chatty email with some stuff, including this:
*** "I date here & there casually occassionally, but still would like to find someone to, as you say "enjoy life with once & a while". Not looking for anything crazy serious at this point ... & truth be told, only "seperated" is a bit unnerving - but I believe in taking chances. Usually, lol. Anyway - its not fair you didnt attach a photo you know ... Hint hint"

So ... i get back this ... RED FLAD much?
*** "Yes, I am only separated.... and with 3 boys I don't have that much time to have fun....let alone to start a new relationship. I am just looking for someone with a mutual attraction and interests to go out once in a while, or steal a moment or two when we can. I travel through your town everyday back and forth to work. I'd love to meet you face to face for a quick coffee or hello someday soon. I will send you a pic soon, but I really need to make sure that I can trust you because, as you know, things aren't final with my marriage, yet. I promise that I am not hideous."

I should have stopped there!!! I wrote back:
*** "Can you trust me? Hmmm ... i think *I* should be the one asking that. You know what "they" say ... guys on line who are hesitant to send names & photos are likely married. Separated IS married, but there is a difference. Are you seperated, living apart ... or are you separated, in your OWN mind? lol Truly, I have no issues with casually seeing someone who is truly honestly separated & looking for occassional company to have a drink, dinner, etc with - while the divorce process works itself out b/c i know its a long process. I was separated 2 yrs b4 my D was final, & yes, I dated - but not until I knew i was ready for it AND my H absolutely knew we were done .... So, thats all I ask. Feel free to tell me more (although i am not here to be a therapist - the money they cost are well worth the $, lol) & share what you'd like - when you are ready. No pressure. But i have learned my on line dating lessons more than once ... know WHO the person is, with a name prior to meeting - & yes, with a photo as well."

So ... here it IS ... lol ...

His response:
*** "You seem like a very sincere and open woman, so I will try to be the same with you. As far as my marital status goes, this is the scoop - As you know, I have 3 boys, the second will be attending college at Salve Regina in the fall. My wife and I have separated 3 times in the past 10 years. Each time, we both began to realize that she could not handle the 3 boys by herself at the ages they were, even though I am a real hands on dad. I spend more time with my kids than anyone I know, and I love doing it, too. We agreed to stay together, even though it is pure hell most days. She is so bitter and negative towards me that I think of leaving just about everyday. We never sleep in the same bed anymore, never go out together, never have sex. She goes out with her friends, and I have not gone out with anyone, and just prefer to stay home with my youngest. When my 2nd son is settled into school next year, we will part for good. My eldest is renting a house with some guys and doing well at college, and I think we will be able to handle my 3rd son with a split household. Right now, I am looking for my smile again, and to make someone else smile. It's been so long since I have been actually happy with someone that I just wanna enjoy life once in a while. I wrote the CL post after walking about here during a beautiful day at lunchtime. God, I just wanted to walk and talk with someone that day. I hope that answers some of your questions."

CRIPES! All THAT to find out he is married. REALLY married. I guess the positive thing is he told me. Anyway - NEXT.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 6:49pm

UGH.

Have you tried the other OLD sites yet? Or maybe you have to stay out of site of your exh? I wasn't sure about that - but did think you might have more luck on match or POF...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 8:39pm

Oh yeah, I have been on Match for a year, come July. Have met about 7 guys from there, tops ... 1 was a nitemare, 1 i dated for 3 months (but long distance, only saw eachother maybe 6 times total) & the others were 1 daters.

CL is actually where I have had the best luck ... although still nto MUCH! lol

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 9:19pm

Oh yeah... he is sooo MARRIED!